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Silly Stuff again.
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 20:20:24 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  how true i dunno... dun sue haha~


25 things you will NEVER hear a Woman Say...

1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

2. I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!

3. This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gang bang.

4. Don't get up, I kinda like sleeping in the wet spot

5. Don't dirty up your T-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse

6. That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch pornos again?

7. I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby sitter, Tracy.

8. You're my daddy, you're my daddy!

9. The new girl in my office used to be a stripper, invited her over for dinner on Friday.

10. Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!

11. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

12. Bar food again!? Kick ass!

13. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your Ex-girlfriend has class.

14. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am, Cool, I'm gonna go over

15. I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.

16. I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentines Day present, thanks "Poopy".

17. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

18. I've decided to buy myself a boob job, How big do you want 'em?

19. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

20. Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!

21. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

22. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

23. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars, scotch and morning breath. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!

24. You are so much smarter than my father.

25. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Sports center.



 
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 20:23:26 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Top Ten Signs You Smoke Too Much

10. In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a "cigarette break".

9. Your birthday is a state holiday in North Carolina.

8. Your title for the Surgeon General: "Captain Bringdown".

7. Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded.

6. Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap.

5. In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying
"Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts..."

4. You get mattress fires more often than haircuts.

3. You smoke during sex.

2. You refer to nonsmokers as "pink-lunged sissy boys".

1. You explain to the nurse that you didn't realize that u were in a "non-smoking iron lung"


 
Mesh Posted: Tue Oct 28 20:25:37 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  haha, funny stuff chanz :)


 
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 20:26:44 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  20 Ways to Make HIS X-mas an XXX-mas!

1. Trim his tree.

2. Lick his luscious candy cane.

3. Be his "ho-ho-ho" for the holidays.

4. Polish his christmas balls.

5. Ride him like a reindeer.

6. Taste his sweet egg-nog.

7. Deck the halls with moans of pleasure.

8. Fa, la, la, latio- la, la, la, la.

9. Spark his menorah with a hot strip tease.

10. Request a stiff stocking stuff-her!

11. Make his Kris Kringle tingle.

12. Gift wrap yourself in sexy lingere.

13. Unwrap his package.

14. Hang mistletoe from any place you want kissed.

15. Rock his jingle bells in the frosty air.

16. Make your Rudolph's hose as red as his nose.

17. Heat him up with a snow job.

18. Give the Christmas carolers a show of your own.

19. Dress up as Santa's nasty little helper.

20. Make sure you're naughty, so it's nice.



 
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 20:31:33 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Top 12 Worst Things to Say When Driving Drunk

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged
in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good
job!!
5. Gee, and I thought you had to be in relatively good physical
condition to be a police officer.
6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school
instead.
7. Bad cop! No Donut!
8. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
9. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on "Cops"?
10. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a
warning, too.
11. I was trying to keep up with the other traffic. Yes, I know there
is no other car around, that's how far ahead of me they are.
12. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking? You're the trained
observer!



 
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 20:44:23 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  why men are luckier and happier than women

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You never have to drive to another gas station because
this one's just too
icky.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking
to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically
expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still
be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn
a nut on a bolt.
You never have strap problems in public
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all
seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a
mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on
December 24, in 45
minutes.


 
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 20:45:34 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  If OS's Were Beers -
What beer are you drinking?

DOS Beer - requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

Mac Beer - Comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

Windows 3.1 Beer - The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

OS/2 Beer - Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

Windows 95 Beer - You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer - Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

Unix Beer - Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.

AmigaDOS Beer - The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

VMS Beer - Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping.However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.



The biggest problem is before you can drink any one of them you have to buy a really expensive bag of chips to go with it.




 
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 20:51:27 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  a few things things i learnt from porn
(God really loves me)

I learnt that all other women wear high heels to bed -- alone or not.

I learnt that all men expect me to be fully bi-sexual.

I learnt that the pinnacle of pleasure a woman can attain is getting sprayed in the face with semen.

I learnt not to fear pregnancy -- men always masturbate at the end; see above.

I learnt that kissing does not involve the touch of lips -- only the tip of fully extended tongues.

I learnt that i can and WILL get laid anytime anyplace

I learnt that women are generally horny 24/7

I learnt that women loves to "share"







 
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 20:56:24 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  99 reasons why beer is better than women
pass the bud ~hic

You can enjoy a beer all month.
Beer stains wash out.
You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.
When beer goes flat you toss it out.
Beer is never late.
hangovers eventually go away.
A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
Beer labels come off without a fight.
When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
Beer never has a headache.
After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
A beer always goes down gently.
You can share a beer with your friends and enemies.
You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
A beer is always wet.
Beer doesn't demand equality.
A beer doesn't care when you come.
You can have a beer in public.
A frigid beer is a good beer.
You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
Beer always comes in multiples of six.
Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer.
After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
Beer looks the same in the morning.
Beer doesn't look you up in a month.
Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.
Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.
Beer doesn't get cramps.
Beer doesn't have a mother.
Beer doesn't have morals.
Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
Beer always listens and never argues.
Beer labels don't go out of style every year.
Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
Beer doesn't demand legality.
Beer is never overweight.
If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
Beer won't run off with your credit cards.
Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
Beer doesn't need much closet space.
Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.
Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
Beer never changes its mind.
Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
Beer never asks you to change the station.
Beer doesn't make you go shopping.
Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
Beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
Beer is always easy to pick up.
Big, fat beers are nice to have.
Beer doesn't pout or play games.
Beer NEVER says no.
Beer is easy to get into.
Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers.
Beer doesn't wear a bra.
Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.
Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.
Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
Beer doesn't live with its mother.
Beer doesn't blow you off.
Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
Beer doesn't mind football season.
A beer won't make you go to church.
A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
A beer doesn't give a toss if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute".
If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
A beer will not call you a sexist pig
A beer will never make you see its parents
A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
A beer will never stop you from watching Playboy.
A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
A beer won't smoke in your car.
A beer never watchs opera.
A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
A beer will never complain when you disobey nature.
A beer is always ready to leave on time.
A beer never fishes for compliments.
Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
Beer tastes good.
A beer will never accuse you of sexual assault.
A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watchin.
An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the store.


 
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 20:59:28 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Here's a few answering machine messages to try out.

Hi, this is _____. In honor of Halloween, I'm about to perform an unspeakable pagan ritual. So please leave a message. Oh, unless you're a virgin ... in which case, why don't you stop by?

Hi. This is ________, If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message



 
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 21:01:31 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  The Way Things Will Be When Men Finally Rule the World
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

"Cops" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops or to the crooks.

Two words: Ally McNaked.

Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football From A Different Camera Angle."

It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.

Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."

Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.




 
iggy Posted: Tue Oct 28 21:04:08 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:
>haha, funny stuff chanz :)

:) am glad u enjoyed them mesh,
since i can't write poetry and will spare y'all the agony of my toilet-humored ditties... this is the next best thing...

*off to cyberspace for more nonsense*


 
Cytherean Posted: Tue Oct 28 22:25:35 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
 


 
Cytherean Posted: Tue Oct 28 22:27:16 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  testing


 
Cytherean Posted: Tue Oct 28 22:29:15 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sorry still testing


 
Cytherean Posted: Tue Oct 28 22:30:03 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  does anybody know how to get the picture to display correctly?


 
Cytherean Posted: Tue Oct 28 22:33:16 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  nevermind. got it.


 
libra Posted: Tue Oct 28 22:37:00 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Dont know how to help you with the picture. Double check the link, etc.

Funny Stuff Chanz, you make me laugh.


 
libra Posted: Tue Oct 28 22:37:50 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  your picture scares me...hehe


 
Mesh Posted: Tue Oct 28 23:39:34 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>your picture scares me...hehe


Reminds me of the Tool CD, Aenima. Is that what is it from?


 
Mesh Posted: Tue Oct 28 23:39:50 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>your picture scares me...hehe


 
Mesh Posted: Tue Oct 28 23:41:30 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:
>libra said:
>>your picture scares me...hehe


Uh huh, dont know what happened with my last post, but whatever.


Speeking of scary pictures, i have not put up one for a while, and since it is hallowween season, i think i will:)

It will be the same one that you did got scared of before:)


 
Mesh Posted: Tue Oct 28 23:46:14 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:
>meshuggah said:
>>haha, funny stuff chanz :)
>
>:) am glad u enjoyed them mesh,
>since i can't write poetry and will spare y'all the agony of my toilet-humored ditties... this is the next best thing...
>


Haha, you an me both can not to write poetry. But oh well, we need poets, and we need goof balls. Would i be good at poetry, i would write some, but im not, so ill be a goof ball :)


 
iggy Posted: Wed Oct 29 03:00:37 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  50 things guys wish girls knew......

1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.

2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.

3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.

4. Shave your shit. Seriously, shave it bald.

5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.

6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.

7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.

8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.

9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.

10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.

11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches.

12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass.

`13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.

14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat ass.

15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.

16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.

17. Once again, seriously shave your shit.

18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.

19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.

20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by fucking our friends. We really don't care what you do.

21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.

22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.

23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).

24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.

25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.

26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.

27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.

28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.

29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass.

30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.

31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.

32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.

33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.

34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.

35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.

36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.

37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.

38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.

39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.

40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it.

41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.

42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead of a movie.

43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex.

44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm

45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.

46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.

47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.

48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your shit!

49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we fuck.

50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.

Seriously ladies this list is the truth and all guys think this way. If your boyfriend says that he does not agree with these then he is either a fag or he does not have the balls to admit it like I just did. This list is all that you need. Take your pussy Seventeen magazines or whatever the hell that you read and burn them or something, those quizzes in there do not mean shit. I would like to thank all of those who gave input, I couldn't have done it without you.



 
iggy Posted: Wed Oct 29 03:07:17 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Retaliation from a girl... Point By Point!

1. If you DONíT want to cuddle after sex, then you can keep your dick in your pants. You can at least pretend for Godís sakes, cuz if you donít then youíre stuck with good ole Mr. Righty.

2. Hey some girls DO swallow, maybe weíd do it more often if that fucking stuff doesnít taste like such shit. You want us to swallow, why donít YOU taste it.

3. While fingering a girl, you donít have to poke us and prod us like a fuckin surgeon, cuz that can hurt really bad too.

4. Most girls do shave, maybe if you asked us nicer weíd be more inclined to do it for you and your unworthy ass.

5. Same for you, as in having sex when the girls on the rag.

6. No, but your attitude makes it that way.

7. Maybe if there was a mutual exchange of sexual favors. If not, we can always bring another guy that's way hotter anyways.

8. Buy us one then.

9. If you wonder why we will not give you head its cuz your fucking balls smell like old gym sock, or your dick is about as thin as a pencil.

10. Ditto.

11. Only if you get tested.

12. Well make sure you TELL us that ahead of time then!

13. See above.

14. What's better: a Fat ass or a Flat ass? That's what I thought.

15. Well then donít expect us to put out.

16. We donít eat in front of you cuz you guys make such a huge deal out of it!

17. Scrub your fucking balls. And use soap. Sweaty nuts are rank.

18. Just cuz we tell you that your dick is huge and its the biggest one we've ever seen, it doesn't mean we are serious. We all know how sensitive you guys are on that subject.


19. If we drink too much, donít try and take advantage of us. Thatís just low.

20. Thatís a lie, and you know it.

21. Hmm...same goes for us then!

22. If you cheat on us and we find out, I donít give a shit WHO it was with, cuz weíre dumping your rotten ass.

23. Telling us repeatedly to do something makes us NOT want to do it, you know.

24. Girls hate a fake. Besides, guys that watch chick flicks are gay anyways.

25. Why donít you take your own advice!!! Do you think we like it when you do that in front of us?!?!? HAHAHA

26. This is true, and some girls will and do. They arenít the prettiest looking things either, you know.

27. Since when did you start caring how we felt, huh?

28. I donít know about you but itís the 21st century now, dumbass.

29. How much do you wanna bet youíve slept with more people than we have.

30. If we swallow that shit itís the least you can do.

31. Flavored condom?!? Name ONE person who ACTUALLY uses those things.

32. If we turn around you are probably not doing the job correctly.

33. Yeah so does cum, make sure you scrub that before you put your pants back on, too.

34. I donít know what this obsession you have with dirty punnani is, but most girls WASH down there!

35. Iím not even gonna say anything about this oneÖ

36. And Iím SURE you didnít tell us that to get us into bed or anythingÖ

37. Number one rule of life: Donít expect anything.

38. donít tell us your dick is ďabout 6 inchesĒ and only to have us find out its about the size of our pinky. When itís HARD.

39. Donít count on us giving you head if its under 7 inches, itís just not gonna happen either.

40. Believe me, girls know this.

41. Well what did you give us your number for in the first place then?

42. Hey!! Some girls LIKE porn!

43. Haha guys are usually the ones with the problems dancing...

44. Maybe weíd wear them more often if you stopped telling us our asses were fat. And if you bought us some.

45. If you get head from a fat chick, thatís pretty disgusting in itself. Weíd never wanna be eaten out by a fat guy.

46. If you donít treat us like shit and arenít so friggin rough that you draw blood, we just might agree to it you know! (Tip: Use lube)
Then again...if you are really that into anal sex, maybe you should question your sexual orientation...hahaha

47. Maybe if weíre drunk. And only if you donít have fuck her, you bastard.

48. SCRUB YOUR BALLS!

49. Actually, thatís kinda hot.

50. And you can impress us by returning the favor without asking or making a huge deal about it!!




 
iggy Posted: Wed Oct 29 03:08:46 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  and this girl give 50 more things guys should know...

51. Ok so this should have been #1...if you don't lick that clit, we dont want that dick! Oral sex is a part of life, get used to it.

52. And guys, don't deny it, girls give way more head than they receive.

53. Yes, size DOES matter. If we say it doesn't, that's cuz you have a small penis.

54. Momma's boys are SO not cool. Any guy that loves his mother more than me is not boyfriend material.

55. You suck in bed if A) I don't cum, B) You're done before the song on the radio is over, or C) The tv is on and I'm watching it instead of you.

56. If you want us to enjoy sex, then foreplay should last longer than the blink of an eye. We don't want no one minute man.

57. We will suck you off, we will even let you shoot it on our face, just DON'T get it in our hair!!!

58. Always remember the Golden Rule: Treat a girl how she wants to be treated!

59. Change it up a little, for the love of God. If you plan on doing missionary position every time, then you may as well buy us a magazine to read, just let us know when you're done.

60. I repeat and will never stop telling you to SCRUB YOUR FUCKIN BALLS...they get sweaty under there and it is NOT a good thing...

61. And while you're at it, why don't you wash your feet too.

62. And you know what, wearing your boxers two days or more in a row is not a good thing either.

63. Learn to be multi-talented. Meaning, if you're trying to unhook our bra, don't become so concentrated on it that your lips stop moving.

64. Learn how to give good oral sex, especially if your dick is small cuz that's all we'll want from you anyways.

65. If you lie to us or cheat on us, we will slap you. In front of all your friends.

66. The only men that are good in bed are the ones that actually care about whether or not their girlfriend came.

67. I will watch porn with you, but not with you and your friends. That would be weird.

68. If you don't trust us and we've done nothing wrong, then the odds are you're the one with something to hide.

69. <---- Take a chance and try it for a change...

70. We are way more forgiving of you than you are of us. Think about it.

71. Most likely you lie to us because you are a rotten bastard and have done something wrong. When we lie to you, it's either cuz we didn't cum, don't like your mother, think your dick is small, or think your band really sucks and we just didn't wanna hurt your feelings.

72. Appreciate a woman or she will not be around when you need her the most.

73. Pay attention to us or we will find it from some other guy.

74. Give us affection or we will "accidentally" bite you while giving you head.

75. FYI: "The average erect penis is 6.0 inches (15 cm.) Almost 90 percent of men fall within the range of 5 to 7 inches in length." Just so you all know the TRUTH now.

76. (dedicated to the guys that use Conn College's unisex bathrooms) If you aren't gonna put the seat back down, you could at least FLUSH it for chrissakes!! GEEZ

77. And for God's sakes, wash your hands after. Who knows where they've been.

78. You think having anal sex with you will keep us around? Find the G-spot and we'll talk about keeping YOU around...

79. If you've slept with a lot of girls, I should at least hope you got some skills out of it, aside from the STDS.

80. If we avoid eye contact, it's not cuz we are shy, it's cuz your face is painful to look at.

81. If you ask us if you are cute and we say you are nice...it means you are butt ugly.

82. Just because we are going out with you doesn't mean we aren't always looking for somebody better.

83. WE are allowed to flirt with your friends, but you are NOT allowed to flirt with ours. Ever.

84. You also aren't allowed to check out other girls in public cuz we don't trust you. But we are allowed to check out other guys cuz we are more trustworthy than you cheating bastards.

85. It is not cool to brag about how many chicks you've banged, all the famous people you've met, or how much you can bench press, cuz we both know half of it is a bunch of lies anyways.

86. Dont think you're a badass just cuz you like to hook up when you're drunk. Girls are the same way, we are just better at it cuz we made you think we liked you.

87. You know your friends think we are hot. I just bet you didn't know they hit on us every time you leave the room though.

88. Sweetness pays off in more ways than one, so stop acting like an asshole and start acting your age for once.

89. If we wanna impress you, we buy a new outfit, spend an hour doing our hair and makeup perfectly, stop eating for about a week before we plan on wearing it, and pray to God you like it. When you wanna impress us, you shower. And maybe, if we're lucky, you shave too.

90. You don't have to squeeze our tits so hard that you're about to rip them off...how would you like us to do that to your nutsack??

91. Don't underestimate the intelligence of a woman. Revenge is our middle name. Mwhahahahaha

92. We have you wrapped around our little finger and you don't even know it. THAT'S how good we are.

93. Presents make everything better.

94. Never EVER mention your ex gf around us, or compare us to her. Or we will kill you.

95. If you think your dick is small, it is. If you think we came, we didn't. If you think your dick is huge, it's not. And if you don't think we came, then for the first time you're finally realizing how much you suck in the sack! (someone named Tom that signed my guestbook helped me out on that one, thanks)

96. Please dont think of wearing anything other than boxers under your clothes. Tighty whities are just soo...not cool.

97. If you ever lay a HAND on us, not only are you gone without saying, but also be prepared to get your ass kicked by about 15 of our closest guy friends.

98. For the record, deep throating is harder than it looks, especially for girls with small throats and gag reflexes. So don't give us shit if we choke, just be glad we're doing it in the first place.

99. Just so you know, we tell our girlfriends everything. That's right. EVERYTHING.

100. A guy is nothing but a piece of meat. Nothing more, nothing less. And the woman..is the butcher



 
iggy Posted: Wed Oct 29 03:22:26 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  The following are actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong:

I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

Gun wounds again?

Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken

Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.

Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum.

I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants to eat.

Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

You daring lousy guy.

Beat him out of recognizable shape!

Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.

I have been scared silly too much lately.

I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

How can you use my intestines as a gift?

Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some but of the giant lizard person.



 



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