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Realtionships and Their Evolution
Savvode Posted: Tue Nov 4 08:04:00 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  This is what I am going through my life currently and it makes me wonder about the survivability of human relationships (i.e. friendship in particular).
During the days of our struggle (diploma, projects, late-nights and an eye full of dreams) a number of us people became a close-knit group of friends. We hung out together, went for outings, always knew what each person was up to even though our group was made up of 22-24 people. It had been that way for 2 years.
Then came the day when each one started getting settling down. I settled into copywriting, my other buddies got into various other wings of media. The thing that I have started noticing over the past few meetings is that our group now misses the warmth and concern of the old days. The jokes and anecdotes stated are the same ones that have been mentioned over and over again. Whenever I am around I get this nausea of boredom. I just don't wish to be around them at all, my guess is that they rest of them must be feeling the same way.

My conclusion - Human relationships are built on individual needs, once those needs are met the realtionship dissipates.
All of us were struggling at the particular point of time that our group was formed. We all need a support group then and once all of us settled down in life, the need for the group wasn't felt any longer.


 
antartica Posted: Tue Nov 4 10:12:18 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  2 years?
yeah it's a long time, but still not all that long

was with a group of guys about 8 sometime 10 of us for more than 10 years... we're all now going on our own directions...

life goes on...


 
iggy Posted: Tue Nov 4 11:07:20 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i realised long time ago that as you get older, your band of brothers (male female whatever... never good at being P.C) will drift, that is definate. people develop different needs, wants, perceptions. there are some that will do well in life and some that do not. and due to that, there will be conflicts of interests.

cos thats life. and the only thing certain in life is change.

habits, interests, topics of conversation... everyone becomes different due to doing their own thing.

i know that cos i felt that a long time back. i can't even hold a proper conversation with my own band of brothers. of course i miss the days of long ago... but i wouldn't like to go back to then cos i really like what i have in my life now and where i am in life even if i'm not pursuing my dreams.




 
libra Posted: Tue Nov 4 14:43:55 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I think it kind of goes in cycles for a lot of people. There are times when I really want to be around a certain friend, and others when I wish I never had to talk to them again. After starting college with some of my closest friends all going to school with me still, I thought we would all kind of grow apart, that maybe, in a year, I might not be so close to them any more. It has been the opposite though. The new friends I've met have been people who like all my old friends too, so we have just made our crowd larger. I'm really happy about that, because I love my friends. I know we probably all wont be as close as we are now forever, but if our friendships have lasted through elementary school, middle school, high school and the beginning of college, we'll probably keep in touch forever.

So just hang in there, maybe it'll come back when you least expect it. Friendship is somewhat about your individual needs, but eventually you'll enjoy the nostalgia of hanging out with those old friends.


 
socialyD Posted: Tue Nov 4 16:37:02 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  In my Philosophy 205 class I learn a very valuable lesson, a lesson that I have applied to every relationship and most situations in my life. We were talking about how people develop their ideas about life. When my professor brought the idea of framework, now years later I couldnt tell you the philosophers name or even his type of philosophy, but I can tell you what framework is.

Every person starts out with a basic framework he applies to life. Like a picture frame that we hold up to view the world from. This framework may start out the same as the rest of humanity but as we grow and change so does our framework. Every person, situation, interaction allows us to change our framework. A perfectly narrow minded people find their framework and make it from steel never allowing it bend or change; perfectly open minded people allow their framework to be made of string so that it can bend, change, and get bigger whenever it needs to be. You choose your framework, by allowing life to challenge you to change. Some places your frame work is steel, other string, but the end result of you framework becomes the definition of you.

My point here is that many friends are seasonal. You must not look at them as simply fulfilling a human need, because they performing a much greater service, they are challenging your framework, and essential creating you. They bring you to new experiences and views; they force you to change your framework. These actions are symbiotic; you too are challenging their framework. Realize that as peoples framework changes so do people, some people put steel where you put string. It is inevitable people will grow apart and their ability to challenge you grows weaker over time.

However there are those few that their framework changes right along side yours. Its those few people who never stop challenging you. Those people become your best friend and greatest most coveted assets. These people cannot be found everywhere, sometimes it takes a lifetime to find this person, and sometimes youve already spent a lifetime with this person, and sometimes this person only here for a minuet and you spend a lifetime missing them.

To close Id like to leave you with one of my favorite quote. I cannot remember where I found this long ago or who may have said it but here it goes anyways. Do not cry because its over, be happy because it happened.



 
antartica Posted: Wed Nov 5 04:22:54 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:
>i realised long time ago that as you get older, your band of brothers (male female whatever... never good at being P.C) will drift, that is definate. people develop different needs, wants, perceptions. there are some that will do well in life and some that do not. and due to that, there will be conflicts of interests.
>
>cos thats life. and the only thing certain in life is change.
>
>habits, interests, topics of conversation... everyone becomes different due to doing their own thing.
>
>i know that cos i felt that a long time back. i can't even hold a proper conversation with my own band of brothers. of course i miss the days of long ago... but i wouldn't like to go back to then cos i really like what i have in my life now and where i am in life even if i'm not pursuing my dreams.
>
>

well... it could be a case of survival of the fittest and it has been proven time and again. the band of brothers have been filtered down to a handful who can still run together... which in it's own way could have been a good thing... but the way things are right now. i cannot complain. i cannot complain...


 
Savvode Posted: Sat Nov 8 04:19:49 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  socialyD said:
>>
>However there are those few that their framework changes right along side yours. Its those few people who never stop challenging you. Those people become your best friend and greatest most coveted assets. These people cannot be found everywhere, sometimes it takes a lifetime to find this person, and sometimes youve already spent a lifetime with this person, and sometimes this person only here for a minuet and you spend a lifetime missing them.
>
>To close Id like to leave you with one of my favorite quote. I cannot remember where I found this long ago or who may have said it but here it goes anyways. Do not cry because its over, be happy because it happened.
>


couldn't agree with you more on it. from my group of friends there are 3 of them with whom i have formed a deep bond. i always have fun being around 5 or 6 selected buddies from the group. v usually end up having a very interesting time


 
Savvode Posted: Sat Nov 8 04:24:32 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  antartica said:
>2 years?
>yeah it's a long time, but still not all that long
>
>was with a group of guys about 8 sometime 10 of us for more than 10 years... we're all now going on our own directions...
>
>life goes on...

there's a group of buddies from college whom i am still in touch with. Just 3 of them (we started of as a group of 10 friends originally), but we still do meet up twice a year and have good fun. v have been friends for the last seven years or so. all of us are travelling our separate ways, but no matter after how long we meet, the warmth is still there.


 
Savvode Posted: Sat Nov 8 04:26:34 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>>
>So just hang in there, maybe it'll come back when you least expect it. Friendship is somewhat about your individual needs, but eventually you'll enjoy the nostalgia of hanging out with those old friends.


I will keep my fingers crossed on that


 
FN Posted: Sat Nov 8 05:57:36 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  If you're still in school it's very easy to know with which people you'll stay in touch and with which you don't, just look who you still keep in touch with during holidays and so on.


I have 2 friends who I still keep in touch with on a very regular basis (week-ends when I'm at my mother's place, or during holidays), 1 girlfriend who I still keep in touch with although I don't see her very often but the friendship stays alive, and I estimate that from all the people I know at my school now there'll be about 2 with whom I'll keep in touch after I leave that school.

It's a different thing with people you only see in your spare time though, nothing will change there because of changing schools or something.

The way I act towards other people has a lot to do with how they act towards me.

And I also have this seemingly not understandable thing going on with people who cross the line in my opinion, inherited that from my mother.

Happened about a little over half a year ago when one of my best friends started hitting on my gf (started calling her and sending her messages more often then I did, that's not 'just friends' anymore; and when I asked him to slow it down a bit he laughed and said I couldn't do anything about it).

The result was I was about to kick his ass but due to crcumstances (and the fact that he ran away, it was behind the scenes of our play with our theaterworkshop in which he helped as well, we were alone but when things started heating up he ran off towards the others lol) I decided not to smash his face in.

I did however break all contact with him from that moment on, even though he was one of my best friends. I haven't talked to him in over half a yeear and have no intention on doing so either; nor do I have any regrets about my decision.

Where it comes down to is this: some people you'll probably stay in touch with for quite a while, but 'stable' friendships are very rare; and even though they're rare don't let people walk over you.

Few people understand how I can break all contact with somebody I've known for over 10 years from 1 second to another without having any regrets about it but that's just me. I've done that with others in the past as well. I can take a lot of crap and I give a few warnings before it goes too far but when it does there is some asskicking involved or the situation described above, or both.

It's for the best that way; you'll always meeet new people anyway so don't put too much value on single individuals.


 



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