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Help(i think)
zander83 Posted: Wed Dec 3 21:20:21 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Alright i need the advice of everyone on a subject that may seem high school-ish to some people(its never high school-ish when your stuck in the middle of it though, unfortunately). Alright, two years ago i dated a girl for a couple of months, she dumped me,and i ended up with her best friend. We got really close but i broke up with her( i was stupid and young a deadly combination to any relationship as im sure many people can attest to.) A few days ago i ran into her and that brought bakc a whole slew of emotions back and made me desire on some level to go out with her again. Of course when i broke up with her the first time i partly broke her heart(she was in love with me). Today she seems to be doing really well and on some level i feel bad contacting her again and possibly fucking up her life... sounds very selfish on my part. So the thing is should i contact her or just leave her alone.


 
addi Posted: Wed Dec 3 21:44:03 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I just love giving love advice!

Contact her. Just don't move too fast this time until you get a good barometer on your true feelings for her. She may not be what you expected (you may not be what SHE exected), but I think if you still have feelings for her you would regret not giving it another chance. Just don't lead her on and repeat what happened the first time around.

*maybe I should get a 800 number set up and call myself "Addi, the Love Mechanic" :)


 
libra Posted: Wed Dec 3 22:13:19 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  well. I think you definitely need to look at your feelings for her. Are your feelings nostalgic, do you just want the best times from your relationship back? Think about why you broke up with her in the first place, and whether those reasons are still valid. But, even after you look at things logically, you still have to go with what your heart says. If you think you need to go after her, do it. Don't wait until it's too late, because then you'll just regret it forever.

I think that most of the time, even though we still aren't sure, we know what we have to do, but it's just hard to accept it without questioning it first.

P.S. after zander gets his advice from y'all, i've been having some boy issues that i need some advice on!


 
Mesh Posted: Wed Dec 3 23:04:09 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  If you think you need to go after her, do it. Don't wait until it's too late, because then you'll just regret it forever.



Yes zander Libra is right. I had a chance with a young woman I had/have strong feelings for and I did not take it....now I regret it and I think I will for a very long time.



 
Kira Posted: Thu Dec 4 00:22:53 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Give it a shot, Zander. She's a big girl, and if she doesn't trust you not to hurt her again she can easily tell you to go soak your head.


 
sweet p Posted: Thu Dec 4 01:02:08 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  This made me remember a conversation I had with you a while back...don't know if you remember. But I told you about a boy I went out with and then we broke up and later on we got back together...
Your reaction to it at the time was along the lines of "oh no...don't do that."

SO I think that it will be in your nature to really debate this one out because you might be thinking that there were obviously reasons for it not having worked in the first place...And I think that's important. Nobody likes making the same silly mistake twice, right?


I can say that from my experience, a second shot at something like this can be damn well worth it. But I think you already know this, otherwise there would be no debate in your head. I say satisfy your rationality by thinking it over some more and then just go for it.

Sailovzi has a good point...she's a big girl and can make up her own mind. If this were to end up happening and then not work out, you were in it together.


 
dan632 Posted: Thu Dec 4 03:21:46 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  go after her, if u get back together with her and it fails, u'll survive. if u just say 'fuck it' and don't go after her u'll b left with thoughts like, "i should've got back together with her, what if it could have been something grand? she was really great and i fucked it, now what?" consider Dante's position in Clerks, he dated Kaitlin Bree, liked her a whole lot, then 8 years down the line he finds out that she is getting married to some Asian dude and tries his best to get her back coz he realises how good she really was, of course she fucks a well hung dead jew in the employee toilet and ends up in a mental institution but that's beside the point.

i have been in a similar situation, i liked this girl Rachel, something chronic to the point where i was and still am in love with her. i found out that she once liked me just after i had told her that i like her and i didn't pick up on it, at the time i found out i didn't even ask her out or try to get a relationship or NEthing with her and i have been regretting it ever since, i love her so much but i have fucked my chances with her well and good and it cuts me up deep--just ask mara how much i like her and how cut I am, she knows coz i always come to her to bitch and whine about it.

go after her, if it doesn't work then fine. but if u don't u will still be thinking that it could have worked and been unbelievably great with her. i hate the position i am in now with Rachel and it seriousely sucks, go after her, if u don't i will say u have no balls FOR-EV-ER!!


 
iggy Posted: Thu Dec 4 03:39:18 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  procrastination is the mother of all fuck ups.

do what u feel like doing dude, rather than to wake up in the middle of the night one fine day years down the road screaming out for WHAT IFs and WHAT NOTs and then spend the rest of that night banging your head on the wall for hours.

so what if its a mistake. we're are all young once. you can put that down as a folly of youth.


 
antartica Posted: Thu Dec 4 03:41:34 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:
>procrastination is the mother of all fuck ups.
>
>do what u feel like doing dude, rather than to wake up in the middle of the night one fine day years down the road screaming out for WHAT IFs and WHAT NOTs and then spend the rest of that night banging your head on the wall for hours.
>
>so what if its a mistake. we're are all young once. you can put that down as a folly of youth.

heh he . . .
why else did you think i didn't lose a second on you know who...


 
iggy Posted: Thu Dec 4 03:47:00 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i said youth... YOUTH. ain't young no more old fart


 
antartica Posted: Thu Dec 4 03:50:48 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:
>i said youth... YOUTH. ain't young no more old fart

hey.... you da old fart!
me's still 6 weeks younger than you... LOL


 
FN Posted: Thu Dec 4 05:00:39 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'd give it a shot.

What do you have to lose?


A year ago I would have asked the same questions as you but I've changed a lot concerning this subject, and from ym point of view there's no use in not having the guts to confront her and yourself with it.


 
socialyD Posted: Thu Dec 4 11:32:33 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Fuck up her life? Not to sound vicious, but I think you give yourself too much credit. Girls are lot more resilant than you think. They usual don't let any guy hurt them as bad as the first time. = ) Alright I am just giving you a hard time.

I really think you should tell her. You never want to live a life of might have beens. I have always beleive that when you feel something for some one you tell them right then, right there. Why? Because you don't want to let the moment pass you by. Because you don't want to look back and say if I had told her would things be different? Look back on your past as written book without out any unfinshed endings.




 
marsi Posted: Thu Dec 4 11:35:43 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Two years is long enough for her to heal and forgive you for breaking up with her.
Call her, talk to her, find out if she is dating someone else.
If she is, don't interfere, and if she isn't, ask her out - you can do it as a friend at first. Maybe you can become really good friends and nothing more.
I think you will have to earn her trust again.
And think about your feelings. Are you sure you won't change your mind in a month again.



 
mat_j Posted: Thu Dec 4 12:03:52 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ah thats all crap bury your feelings deep down, they do you credit but they could be used to serve the emperor


 
zander83 Posted: Thu Dec 4 20:15:59 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  thanks for the advice...


 



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