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bluellama Posted: Mon Dec 15 11:00:20 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I am hoping you all can help me out here somehow. This is a very in depth situation, but I will try and summarize it:

Okay, I was dating this girl on and off for about a year, and near the end of it she cheated on me. I broke it off for what I thought would be the last time. Then I realized that I was really in love with her, and she was in love me. I worked on forgiving her. So after a few months of being apart, we got back together, and everything was going great. Ofcourse there were some ups and downs to it, like any relationship, but we had been strong for over a year and a half. Then a couple of months ago she started to detach herself from me, and was always hanging out with people that I know didn't want us together. We barely talked, and every time I brought up the subject, she avoided it. The inevitable happened, and she broke up with me, saying she had just fallen out of love with me. For a few weeks I just didn't talk to her. She called me, asked me to come over for Thanksgiving with her family, asked me to come over for her birthday (which I got her nothing for), and just kept trying to bring me into her life, but I refused.
Now to the present. She says she is in love with me, and that she was just scared to be so young and so commited. She says she wants me in her life, and that she doesn't feel right without me. I also found out that she cheated on me again during that last month that we were dating. I am ofcourse still in love with her, but I don't know if I can risk getting hurt again.
Do I take her back despite the cheating and lies, and follow my heart?
Or do I keep her out of my life, and have a broken heart and always wonder "what if"?
Thanks you guys


 
red Posted: Mon Dec 15 11:09:09 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Most of my friends have the feeling that once you fall out of love with someone and break up, you can't really fall back in love. My friend is in the same position as you, but she knows it can never work second time round.
But, then again, no pain, no game.


 
FN Posted: Mon Dec 15 11:42:29 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  What the fuck?

Why are you even asking yourself that?

Dump the fucking bitch!

Yes, a bitch, for fuck's sake man how can you stand being treated like a second choice?

She tries out some other guys and then comes back to you since they don't want her or they aren't as good as she expected, and she knows you'll take her back anyway.

She's playing you like a fucking puppet and in some sadistic way I'm sure she feels good about it.

She loves the fact that you are crazy about her and that she can do whatever she pleases with you and your emotions.

What are you man, her toy or something?

Goddamn.

Quit torturing yourself, the whore's not fucking worth it, wake the fuck up.

People like that piss me off so bad, you're either in a relationship or not.

It's not your fault either, it's hers, and believe me, in a few years she'll wake up next to some other white trash in a trailer without any wheels nursing 15 kids who're all called Joe or Wesley.

You want a serious relationship, and she's too slutty and immature to be able to handle it.

Get a new and better one.

Keep in mind that people don't change, if they do something once they'll do it again, especially if they got away with it.

You said so yourself she did it again, you have the proof right there.

How the fuck can you still believe that this time it'll be different?

Your 'heart' is wrong, it's time to let your brain take over from your dick.

She doesn't care about you man, seriously, she doesn't.

She's an immature slut, nothing more.

If she has the choice between you and others and she doesn't come through for you, it should be obvious already what you have to chose.

And another thing, you're what, 20 or something?

You think she's the only girl out there?

You thing you would have been together for the rest of your life?

Hell no.

Better now than in a year or so when it will be twice as hard and while you could have had a serious relationship with somebody actually worth it.

Let her fuck up her life man, rest assured that one day she'll think about the chance she blew when fucking things up with you, and by that time you'll have forgotten about her.

Trust me.



Sorry for being so harsh but I have found out through experience that most of the time it's the only way people ever wake up.

Also, I think you'll go back to her no matter what anybody here or in your vicinity says, if you don't snap out of it you'll go back to her and she'll do the same thing all over again.


 
socialyD Posted: Mon Dec 15 12:11:58 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  There is one thing you can count on me for and it's an emotion based answer.

Follow your heart. What she did was wrong and she deserves nothing from you and I honestly beleive that karma is an inevitable force. But I also beleive that if in your heart you believe that you still love her then the relationship will never be over until you are ready to let go.

When I went through a situation simlar to this I kept getting back together with the boyfriend until one time I just said no. I had had enough. I realized that I no longer loved him. I think that until you reach this point one is a hopeless slave to their emotions.


 
FN Posted: Mon Dec 15 12:16:06 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  It shouldn't get that far.

If he looks as it he should say no without any doubt already.

I could NEVER accept anybody cheating on me.


 
novemberrain Posted: Mon Dec 15 12:36:23 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I think the only way you'll heal is if you keep her out of your life. It'll hurt like hell for a while, but it'll hurt even more if emotional wounds keep getting ripped open. (something that I am dealing with at the moment.)

You can only give someone so many chances.


 
bluellama Posted: Mon Dec 15 12:46:08 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:

>Your 'heart' is wrong, it's time to let your brain take over from your dick.


by the way...I am a girl :)


 
FN Posted: Mon Dec 15 12:50:00 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ah, a lesbian, cool!


 
libra Posted: Mon Dec 15 12:50:50 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  bluellama said:
>Christophe said:
>
>>Your 'heart' is wrong, it's time to let your brain take over from your dick.
>
>
>by the way...I am a girl :)


i was just going to tell him that...

I'm not sure what you should do, bluellama. There are so many ways these things can go. Maybe she's learned and grown. Maybe she hasn't. I think everyone here has good advice that may be based upon their own experiences or the experiences of close friends. And, seeing that the advice here is greatly varied, you can tell that these things can end up in many ways. I probably agree with SocialyD the most. Its true, you're heart has a mind of its own, and figuring out what you really feel and want is hard. You might have to experience more pain to get over her, but if that's the way it has to happen...


 
addi Posted: Mon Dec 15 13:15:56 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Reality: I think you'll do what your heart tells you to do, even if you're head tells you it's wrong. Not a slam, most of us would do the same thing.


Theory: Exactly what Christophe said, only I would have would have worded it a bit differently, but sometimes I find his "bluntness" refreshing.




 
ifihadahif Posted: Mon Dec 15 13:55:30 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sometimes, in order to do the right thing and secure your life's happiness, you have to be forgiving.
and sometimes, people need to be strung up with piano wire and their bellies slit, so their bowels drag the ground for the neighborhood dogs to play with while they slowly die. . .

eenie, meenie, miney, moe . . . .


 
bluellama Posted: Mon Dec 15 14:12:37 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:
>eenie, meenie, miney, moe . . . .

If only it were that easy....

Thanks all of you for your support. I know I may seem like an idiot for staying with her up until now, but we have been friends for 8 years, and the great times are great, but the bad times are horrid.
I just have to figure out if the good outweighs the bad, I guess.

Really, thanks to all of you.


 
Malik Posted: Mon Dec 15 15:11:55 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Well, I think that you just need to sit down and talk with her about it. Before you pour more of your soul into this relationship, have a straight and honest talk with her. Tell her that you are worried about whatever is happening between you two, and that you love her, but you just don't want to be hurt again.
And, when you explain the way you feel, maybe she could explain things to you. Not to defend herself, mind you, but to just get things on an equal balance.
I know confrontation is difficult, but I've found that is really necessary in some situations


 
FN Posted: Mon Dec 15 15:14:46 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Same thing will happen.

I'm willing to place a bet on it.


 
libra Posted: Mon Dec 15 15:37:42 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>Same thing will happen.
>
>I'm willing to place a bet on it.

sometimes, christophe, sometimes things don't turn out as bad as they could. Sometimes, people are surprising and sometimes, very good things come from very bad things.

(but a lot of times they aren't, i know. But look at me, i didnt go out with my canadian friend, and he was sad and didn't know if he could stay friends, but our difficulties made our friendship even stronger.)


 
dan632 Posted: Mon Dec 15 16:19:50 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  DDDUUUUUUUMMMMPPPPP THE BITCH!! break her legs, throw her from a train, break her ribs one-by-one then take a sledge and smash her fucking face.
don't worry about it dude, fuck that 'what if' shit as well. stop telling yourself there is hope between you 2 coz she cheated on u...u gotta ask y she did that? she was probably looking for another personality trait that you don't have and when she needs some support she'll come back to you for help, KICK HER IN THE FUCKING TEETH!! fuck that, bring her to me i'll do it for u!!
fucking dump her, leave her face down in a muddy ditch somewhere and go hire a whore and move-the-fuck-on!!


 
zander83 Posted: Mon Dec 15 16:22:57 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I wouldn't get back with her... not for the time being. Maybe in a few years things will change but for now this is a bit ridiculous. She's cheated twice on you. This girl needs to grow up. Unfortunately the only way she can do that is if you leave her alone. Maybe she'll never grow up who knows. At the same time you should look around I'm sure there are other girls you could date that wouldn't be so (insert word of choice). Trust me, there are other girls you can fall in love with.


 
marsi Posted: Mon Dec 15 16:57:19 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I think Christophe was right. Try and listen to your mind. If you love her its hard to break up with her. I know, it hurts like hell. Give yourself and herself some time alone.
Or look at it at different angle, maybe she needs you to break up with her so she'll grow.




 
FN Posted: Mon Dec 15 17:09:38 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe is always right.


Most of the time at least ;o)


Seriously though, we have a saying here: even an ass doesn't hurt itself on the same stone twice.

I hope you know what I'm trying to say with that.


 
FN Posted: Mon Dec 15 17:11:24 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>Christophe said:
>>Same thing will happen.
>>
>>I'm willing to place a bet on it.
>
>sometimes, christophe, sometimes things don't turn out as bad as they could. Sometimes, people are surprising and sometimes, very good things come from very bad things.
>

Sorry, don't believe in that.

>(but a lot of times they aren't, i know. But look at me, i didnt go out with my canadian friend, and he was sad and didn't know if he could stay friends, but our difficulties made our friendship even stronger.)

If you ask me he's still hoping as well. Pretty sure of it too.


 
SntSaturn Posted: Mon Dec 15 17:27:03 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'm going to have to side with christophe. Don't go back to her.

"once a cheater, always a cheater."
if they get away with it in the past, then i don't see why they wouldn't do it again.


 
Asswipe Posted: Mon Dec 15 18:45:38 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  hate to agree w/ the man, but i do. Cut off all contact w/ the bitch.

i also agree w/ senor christophe on libra's shit... he still wants you, just too pussified to move on. shit'll come out in due time or he'll grow up and just stop talking to you


 
Archangel Posted: Mon Dec 15 19:27:09 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  For what's it's worth I agree with Christophe... some people change, but not cheaters, especially not repeat cheaters, you're better off without the hassle.

oh, btw, Hi.

Ben


 
JAZER Posted: Mon Dec 15 20:36:25 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I am also going to have to agree with Christophe. Did she cheat on you with another girl or with a guy?

-- Hi Archangel... are you a newbie?


 
iggy Posted: Mon Dec 15 23:55:42 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  yup.

was involved with a woman that cheated on me again and again. no matter how many times u forgive them they will repeat it.

see, u are confusing character trait and character flaw.

cheating is a character flaw. u can't change it no matter what.

when u're cheated on and get back together, that fear will always be at the back of your mind... so are u gonna commit emotional suicide everytime she goes off on her own? not worth it i say.

make a clean break, move on with life.

there are always someone out there waiting...


 
bluellama Posted: Tue Dec 16 00:00:29 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  JAZER said:
>I am also going to have to agree with Christophe. Did she cheat on you with another girl or with a guy?
>
>-- Hi Archangel... are you a newbie?


Another girl


 
sweet p Posted: Tue Dec 16 01:59:17 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I think that it is often a good thing to give people, especially those you care about, another chance. Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes.

BUT hurting you twice, in the same way, disrespecting you by cheating on you....what exactly does that show on her part?
I don't think a person who can do something like that to you more than once can say that they care about you enough to not hurt you and actually really mean it. Maybe she does love you and you are great friends, but she obviously is not too considerate....and would you really want to devote your time and love to someone who will not even consider your feelings on a regular basis?


 
Aeon Posted: Tue Dec 16 02:12:24 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>Christophe said:
>>Same thing will happen.
>>
>>I'm willing to place a bet on it.
>
>sometimes, christophe, sometimes things don't turn out as bad as they could. Sometimes, people are surprising and sometimes, very good things come from very bad things.
>
>(but a lot of times they aren't, i know. But look at me, i didnt go out with my canadian friend, and he was sad and didn't know if he could stay friends, but our difficulties made our friendship even stronger.)

Yep. He's waiting. Hoping that you'll start liking him.


 
addi Posted: Tue Dec 16 06:58:51 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:

>
>Yep. He's waiting. Hoping that you'll start liking him.

Read the posts people. The He in question is a she. Relationship trouble is relationship trouble, male or female, but at least get the facts right before you pass on advice.

Sorry, feeling a little edgey lately.


Day 2


 
bluellama Posted: Tue Dec 16 08:54:00 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>
>Sorry, feeling a little edgey lately.
>
>
>Day 2

Hang in there, it all will be okay


 
bluellama Posted: Tue Dec 16 09:15:34 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Speaking of cheating, the GT Poll once asked "Would you cheat on your partner if it would never be found out?", and apparently 1/3 of you would. Some of you seem to be very moral people, (can't say that for all...christophe...) so to me, that is a high number that makes me a bit uneasy.

by the way, I hope you know I am jokin' christophe


 
addi Posted: Tue Dec 16 09:32:22 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  bluellama said:
>Speaking of cheating, the GT Poll once asked "Would you cheat on your partner if it would never be found out?", and apparently 1/3 of you would. Some of you seem to be very moral people,

The only way I would is if my wife agreed in advance that it was okay..
"Sure, go ahead sweetie. Whatever makes you happy."
Of course that statement would be preceeded by....
"Mark, did you see the flying pig outside?"


 
novemberrain Posted: Tue Dec 16 11:31:51 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  bluellama said:
>Speaking of cheating, the GT Poll once asked "Would you cheat on your partner if it would never be found out?", and apparently 1/3 of you would. Some of you seem to be very moral people, (can't say that for all...christophe...) so to me, that is a high number that makes me a bit uneasy.
>
>by the way, I hope you know I am jokin' christophe

I read a quote here, or somewhere else, and it went something like: 'The true measure of a person is what they would do if it would never be found out.'

so I suppose the 1/3 that answered that they would cheat in the poll can get points for being honest.


 
libra Posted: Tue Dec 16 11:35:21 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>Aeon said:
>
>>
>>Yep. He's waiting. Hoping that you'll start liking him.
>
>Read the posts people. The He in question is a she. Relationship trouble is relationship trouble, male or female, but at least get the facts right before you pass on advice.
>
>Sorry, feeling a little edgey lately.
>
>
>Day 2


they're talking about me addi, have some chocolate!

but actually, it might be working. i can't figure it out, but i might be falling for him...which totally screws everything up because he has to decide if he's going to go back to canada for school or stay here after christmas break...


 
addi Posted: Tue Dec 16 12:39:04 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:

>they're talking about me addi, have some chocolate!

I need to take my own advice. Sorry Aeon. Got confused discussing bluellama's problem and didn't notice the switch to Libra.



 
Archangel Posted: Tue Dec 16 14:11:42 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  JAZER said:
>-- Hi Archangel... are you a newbie?

Yes, longtime lurker, first time poster.

Ben


 
libra Posted: Tue Dec 16 14:13:08 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Archangel said:
>JAZER said:
>>-- Hi Archangel... are you a newbie?
>
>Yes, longtime lurker, first time poster.
>
>Ben

well, good for you


 
FN Posted: Tue Dec 16 15:15:15 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  bluellama said:
>Speaking of cheating, the GT Poll once asked "Would you cheat on your partner if it would never be found out?", and apparently 1/3 of you would. Some of you seem to be very moral people, (can't say that for all...christophe...) so to me, that is a high number that makes me a bit uneasy.
>
>by the way, I hope you know I am jokin' christophe

I know you are ;o)

I have my own morals and principles, not the ones decided for me by society, that's even better.


And to say you wouldn't or somebody else wouldn't either is naieve. I love my gf as well but if they would never ever know I know I could keep it a secret without any problem at all so why not.


There's no need for remorse, kill it.


 



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