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choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 03:22:38 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Sorry to waste anyones time, i know im only new so feel free to discard this thread. I cant help pushing people away! Ill meet someone, establish a great relationship with them, - either friendship or otherwise, then i push them away for no apparent reason. Even i cant work it out and i was wondering if there was any kindof 12 step program i could enrol in? :P Nah seriously if anyone has any advice im all ears :|


 
JAZER Posted: Wed Dec 17 03:33:26 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  hey man, newbies are welcome brother. no offense but im glad im not the only person up at three thirty in the morning with problems. heres some advice, drink a lot and forget yoir problems.i would ask fore advice for myself on here but im afraid im past nthe the advice sgtae. i guess man pushing peiple away would be a problem but look at it this way, at least you can establish a great relationship with them in the first place, i cant get that far man, (or woman, sorry if i offended anyone) dude, get you some friends like me man and hang out with them and drink till everything is ok, it makes for good memories and fun times man. as for advice i dont know man. i guess if anyone has any advice for me as to what is wrong with me i would appreciate it too. good luck man and hope everything ets better.


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 03:39:58 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  thanx :) its good 2 know im not the only 1 online 2 :P Hmm. I Dont know if you have any problems that need addressing. Except.. maybe not getting drunk alone. Thats a very depressing state to find yourself in.

BUT make the most of it. I find its easier to address your own problems when youre drunk or stoned as you're shown to yourself with total blunt clarity.

Usually you dont like what you see, but when you're sober again it'l motivate you to change what you think needs changing so next time you analyse yourself under any sort of influence you wont find that problem again.

Well that works for me anyway :P


 
JAZER Posted: Wed Dec 17 03:54:22 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Man, I get drunk alone because I am the only person I can confide in. I always either end up being stabbed in the back, lied to, or just completely ignore. I wish everyone on GT lived within like five miles of each other that way I could have people that understand me. GT is my family because they are the only ones that dont fuck me over. Welcome to the family man. Enjoy the arguments, the advice and most of all just the characted of everyone here. I have to ask though. where did the name choke from come? and where are you from? hope things get better for ya man


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:03:18 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Yeah sounds like NZ. - Thats where im from. I dont think its the location, its just humans instinct to get one over on whoever theyre near. I can only open up to people with no faces.

:D Yay a family :D

The name choke came from a sentence thats stuck with me through everything. "I hope you're choking. I hope you choke on this." It's basicly about parasites. People who will take evrything good from your nature until you're only left with misery and bitterness. But with me the parasites will suck out something they can't handle and they'll choke and leave me.

A little dark i guess, but what can you do? They're everywhere and you cant fight them, just quietly poison them.

I think im going to enjoy this place :)


 
JAZER Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:07:13 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Trust me man, i may not be what you would call sober right now but i guarantee you will love this place. its about the only family i can trust anymore man, i an get on here and say what i want, talk what i want to talk about and there is always someone to listen. kinda sucks your overseas man, that was new zealand wasnt it? im from kentucky in the states man and i know exactly what your talking about parasites sucking everything out of you. do other peopleís misfortunes really make us appreciate the things we take for granted? We say they do, but in reality, it only makes us thankful that what ever circumstance found them, didnít run us out of hiding as well. thats what life seems to be man, nobody is out to help anyone else, they are just out to better themselves, maybe things will change but i dont see it happening
by the way, what time is it there



 
Aeon Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:09:03 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Yeah sounds like NZ. - Thats where im from. I dont think its the location, its just humans instinct to get one over on whoever theyre near. I can only open up to people with no faces.
>
>:D Yay a family :D
>
>The name choke came from a sentence thats stuck with me through everything. "I hope you're choking. I hope you choke on this." It's basicly about parasites. People who will take evrything good from your nature until you're only left with misery and bitterness. But with me the parasites will suck out something they can't handle and they'll choke and leave me.
>
>A little dark i guess, but what can you do? They're everywhere and you cant fight them, just quietly poison them.
>
>I think im going to enjoy this place :)


Is that from "Ticks and Leeches" by my favorite band, TOOL!?


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:12:03 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>Is that from "Ticks and Leeches" by my favorite band, TOOL!?

YES IT IS!!! They're my religion.


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:15:22 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  its 10pm. i cant sleep cuz i just got a tattoo. :D Yeah thats the world 4 ya but what can you do.. Just support who you can I guess. And Aeon.. in the middle of my tattoo is the flaming eye fronm the cover of the Lateralus album. Its in a heart with a huge celtic spiky curly design all round it :D


 
Aeon Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:15:22 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>choke said:
>>Yeah sounds like NZ. - Thats where im from. I dont think its the location, its just humans instinct to get one over on whoever theyre near. I can only open up to people with no faces.
>>
>>:D Yay a family :D
>>
>>The name choke came from a sentence thats stuck with me through everything. "I hope you're choking. I hope you choke on this." It's basicly about parasites. People who will take evrything good from your nature until you're only left with misery and bitterness. But with me the parasites will suck out something they can't handle and they'll choke and leave me.
>>
>>A little dark i guess, but what can you do? They're everywhere and you cant fight them, just quietly poison them.
>>
>>I think im going to enjoy this place :)
>
>
>Is that from "Ticks and Leeches" by my favorite band, TOOL!?

Wait a second, though, isn't that TWO sentences that have stuck with you through all of this? :P Just messing. But here's Aeon's sage advice. I don't give it often so feel honored. Mainly I don't have much to contribute because everyone has said what I think. But here goes.

What are you afraid of? It's your insecurities that are doing this to you. You make the great relationship and then something happens, something that you need to figure out. Are you afraid of letting someone in? Afraid that they won't like the real you? Or that the real you isn't the one that they know? I was like that once. Then I realized something. Fuck them. Fuck the world. It's a nice place sometimes and other times it kicks you in the balls and laughs at you. You gotta take the good and the bad, this goes with people too. If you have a great relationship, don't sabotage it. What's the point in destroying something beautiful? There is no point. Only you can solve this problem. You need to take some time and dig deep to find out what the real problem is. When you finally find the problem then you might also find the solution.



Patrick Goins


 
Aeon Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:17:22 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>its 10pm. i cant sleep cuz i just got a tattoo. :D Yeah thats the world 4 ya but what can you do.. Just support who you can I guess. And Aeon.. in the middle of my tattoo is the flaming eye fronm the cover of the Lateralus album. Its in a heart with a huge celtic spiky curly design all round it :D


Dude. You picked a hell of a band to worship. One of the best.


 
JAZER Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:18:09 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  hey wheres my advice man? just kiddin, are your finals done? if they are man pack a bag, take a roadtrip and head up here man.


 
Aeon Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:19:17 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>choke said:
>>its 10pm. i cant sleep cuz i just got a tattoo. :D Yeah thats the world 4 ya but what can you do.. Just support who you can I guess. And Aeon.. in the middle of my tattoo is the flaming eye fronm the cover of the Lateralus album. Its in a heart with a huge celtic spiky curly design all round it :D
>
>
>Dude. You picked a hell of a band to worship. One of the best.

P.S. In Maynard We Trust


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:20:36 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I was fake once, then i went to the other extreme. I went into the minimalist lifestyle, i actually got sent down south for a month for drug rehab. No electricity, i killed my own food, a month with me, 2 50yrolds and a 6 yrold. - Not my family. After I got back i was all set out to be a hermit. I've rebuilt my life the way i want it so i have no idea what i'm trying to hide from the world.


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:23:07 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>Dude. You picked a hell of a band to worship. One of the best.

One of the best?? It is the best!! Im going to steal Maynard and keep him in my closet.




 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:25:07 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  JAZER said:
>hey wheres my advice man?

Sorry Jazer.. lol i dont think i actualy have any because you got it in one. The world doesnt care so FUCKIT go hard in everything you do and we'll MAKE them care. But not in a sympathetic or pitying way. :P I dont even have finals yet im 14 :P


 
JAZER Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:31:26 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  hey man, i agree with the fuckit reason. actually i was asking aeon if he was finished with finals, he lives five or so hours below me and thought we might have the first GT meeting.


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:36:54 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  JAZER said:
actually i was asking aeon if he was finished with finals, he lives five or so hours below me and thought we might have the first GT meeting.

Hehe nice 1 let me know how it goes :D I dont know if this'll mean anything but im glad i had problems at 3.30 in the morning your time :) and what ever hour it is aeons time :)


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:38:19 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  JAZER said:
(or woman, sorry if i offended anyone)

Heh shit sorry 4got.. yeah i am a chick :D


 
Aeon Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:41:38 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>JAZER said:
>>hey wheres my advice man?
>
>Sorry Jazer.. lol i dont think i actualy have any because you got it in one. The world doesnt care so FUCKIT go hard in everything you do and we'll MAKE them care. But not in a sympathetic or pitying way. :P I dont even have finals yet im 14 :P

Nah. No point. You try to fight the world and you'll lose. You try and make the world care, you're just wasting your time and killing yourself slowly. Life isn't about getting drunk or about extremes. If it was we'd be extinct. Life is about experiencing, and growing, and creating anything you can. Make something beautiful. It's liberating. Make something ugly, just make something. Do something with your life. Don't waste it away at the bottom of a bottle (alcoholic or medicinal). Alcohol has never liberated a man's spirit, just took away his inhibitions and killed his mind for a little bit. If you're looking for answers there you're way off base. JAZER, maybe the reason people don't understand you is because you haven't taken the time to understand them. Now I know you'll say you know how the world works and how everyone is out to stab you in the back... and yeah, there are people like that, sometimes they're your family, but there is always someone that understands you if you take the time to look. I was a freshmen in high school when I met my best friend, Nick. My life until then had been one big secret. I was hiding a mental illness and trying to maintain the grades that my parents approved of (A's and B's). 5 years I heard voices, hallucinated, and never told anyone because I was afraid they would lock me away and throw away the key, or worse... they would disown me. No one understood me, and I never took the time to understand them. People were just assholes. But I found Nick and he understood me and he was my friend and I could tell him anything. Just look around you, really look. I'm reminded of a quote from The Watchmen:

Thermo-dynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing.
And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermo-dynamic miracle.

But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from another's vantage point, as if new, it may still take the breath away.

Come... dry your eyes, for you are life, rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg; the clay in which the forces that shape all things leave their fingerprints most clearly.

Dry your eyes... and let's go home.


I'm not gonna get sappy and all that bull shit because I know it never worked on me when I was depressed. I've been stabbed in the back countless times, but I just took the knife out and kept on. There were times that I wanted to slit my wrists and give it all up, did it once and got put in the mental hospital. Now I look back and see how stupid I was. I say fuck society... be who you wanna be. Don't do anything self destructive, just be the person you are. If you're just yourself people will respond to that. Just say, "Take me for who I am, not for what you want me to be."


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:53:43 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon.. I beleive you're probably the second most inspirational person ive ever met. People ive met face to face have inspired me through stolen words :P They know who they are. But you're a very close second! (Well at least i was honest)

does it help if you create best when you're doing something that will in the end kill your creation?


 
Aeon Posted: Wed Dec 17 04:56:17 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Aeon.. I beleive you're probably the second most inspirational person ive ever met. People ive met face to face have inspired me through stolen words :P They know who they are. But you're a very close second! (Well at least i was honest)
>
>does it help if you create best when you're doing something that will in the end kill your creation?

I don't know. What are you talking about?


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 05:00:28 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>I don't know. What are you talking about?

think Bob Marley :P he was a world loved singer/stoner but he died early as a result of this. Yet still his reputation lives on.


 
Aeon Posted: Wed Dec 17 05:02:18 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Aeon.. I beleive you're probably the second most inspirational person ive ever met. People ive met face to face have inspired me through stolen words :P They know who they are. But you're a very close second! (Well at least i was honest)


Well... I AM inspirational... nah. I'm just a former nutcase with a serious toehold on reality. Nothing more.


 
Aeon Posted: Wed Dec 17 05:04:20 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Aeon said:
>>I don't know. What are you talking about?
>
>think Bob Marley :P he was a world loved singer/stoner but he died early as a result of this. Yet still his reputation lives on.

Except Bob Marley's creations live on well after he's dead. And they'll live long after his great great grandson is dead too. That's what I'm talking about. If you can create something good then you can live forever in name.


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 05:05:08 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  If you dont mind me asking.........
Whats it like deciding you dont want to live anymore?
(feel free not to answer)


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 05:08:44 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>Except Bob Marley's creations live on well after he's dead. And they'll live long after his great great grandson is dead too. That's what I'm talking about. If you can create something good then you can live forever in name.

I would hate to be part of the royal family. They are born into a name already chiseled out for them, they will be remembered as royal no matter what they make of their lives. Im happy to be simple :D it gives me something to build on


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 05:12:43 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ive gotta go.. thanx for all your help :) ill be back tomorrow sometime anyway.


 
Malik Posted: Wed Dec 17 05:34:40 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Yeah for people who stay up late! I just got back from return of the king, and have a cal final tomorrow so that's why I'm up late.

Okay, but to the topic at hand. If you're 14, then that means that you are either in middle school or high school - both are one hell hole to be in. The large majority of people in high/middle school don't want to be friends with you. Now, I'm not saying that to be mean, 'cause I don't know your personality or even the kids at your school, but I'd bet money that a good number of them would just be content to stay in their own circles and cliques, ignoring everyone that isn't connected to them in a form or fashion. That's the way a large part of teenagers are.


And this really sucks, but that's the way that any society works. Now, if you want to "fuck society", you probably just want to be anti-western, anti-mtv, anti-media and anti-corporate bullshit, and anti-all that stuff that is really pissing on the world, but unless you plan on doing it alone, you are gonna have to have some other people. Mankind is a social animal, said some old dead white guy that I don't want to look up. But he is right. Even though, don't think that just because you are in a society, you are becoming one of the brainless hoards that the media and the government and the corporations want you to be. A group of guys who sit in a room and smoke pot are a society. Revolutionaries, those who want to overthrow the establishment, are still a society.


So you can say, "Fuck society," but do it with some other people. What you need to do is find a group of people who are like you, and kinda ease your way in. You hear a group of people talking about something you like, don't be afraid to talk in. If you hear people bitching about the government, or something that really pisses you off, join in. And don't be afraid of getting verbally pissed on in the beginning, 'cause most people make fun of "the new guy" in the group to test him out. But, if they tell you to piss off, and you can tell that they really don't want you there, just walk away. Don't cuss at them or give them the finger, 'cause that will just piss them off and I guarentee you that no one will see you and think you are a badass for flipping someone off.


But anyways, school is hell. And it's even worse without someone to bitch about it to... :)


 
iggy Posted: Wed Dec 17 05:38:05 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  JAZER said:
>hey man, i agree with the fuckit reason. actually i was asking aeon if he was finished with finals, he lives five or so hours below me and thought we might have the first GT meeting.


haha first GT meeting? no way

the singaporean club has already met

~LATE!


 
addi Posted: Wed Dec 17 07:09:24 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Choke, my mind is slowly going but I seem to remember you're fairly young. If that's true then your current mental state comes with being a teen ager. I'm not dismissing your feelings, I know they're real, but my advice is to grin and bear the ups and downs that life throws at you now. It WILL pass. Don't do anything drastic (like get a tatoo, lol)and years from now I think you'll look back on these turbulent times and wonder how you survived, and maybe even laugh about them. Just some advice from an old fart who's been there. Talking to the good folks here also helps when things seem a bit overwhelming.


 
libra Posted: Wed Dec 17 09:54:46 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
Addi's got good advice. I used to be the same way. I tended to push people away as a defense mechanism i think. I didn't want to get hurt because I never really expected others to like me. I think that's just a self-esteem problem that comes with being a teen, and something I got through. That's not easy to take, because we always want to be able to do something now, but maybe, if you try to understand why you do this(there are probably many different reasons why we push others away) you can talk yourself past it once in awhile. If that makes any sense at all.


 
bluellama Posted: Wed Dec 17 11:50:34 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  It is always easier to stay in misery, than to risk the chance of being happy. It can be scary, I have been there. It is a slow slow, change, but time helps. That is all I can say, just wait it out, and all will be fine.


 
Kira Posted: Wed Dec 17 12:41:03 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Sorry to waste anyones time, i know im only new so feel free to discard this thread. I cant help pushing people away! Ill meet someone, establish a great relationship with them, - either friendship or otherwise, then i push them away for no apparent reason. Even i cant work it out and i was wondering if there was any kindof 12 step program i could enrol in? :P Nah seriously if anyone has any advice im all ears :

|I have a similar problem. My advice is 'don't make friends.' And become an artist.


 
Aeon Posted: Wed Dec 17 13:27:22 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>If you dont mind me asking.........
>Whats it like deciding you dont want to live anymore?
>(feel free not to answer)


Hmmm. That's an interesting question. I don't mind answering it, though. I didn't really think much about the act. I was just thinking "I'm glad it will all be over. No more pain." Stuff like that.


 
choke Posted: Wed Dec 17 15:36:01 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>Hmmm. That's an interesting question. I don't mind answering it, though. I didn't really think much about the act. I was just thinking "I'm glad it will all be over. No more pain." Stuff like that.

Ohh.. ok i get it. Hehe sorry to be a pain in the ass but what made you want to live again? Im just curious to see what would motivate such lifechanging decisions. (Literally)

Oh by the way thanx everyone :) You're all here for a reason. I reckon you've probly saved some lives in your time here without even realizing it.


 
Aeon Posted: Wed Dec 17 21:23:29 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Aeon said:
>>Hmmm. That's an interesting question. I don't mind answering it, though. I didn't really think much about the act. I was just thinking "I'm glad it will all be over. No more pain." Stuff like that.
>
>Ohh.. ok i get it. Hehe sorry to be a pain in the ass but what made you want to live again? Im just curious to see what would motivate such lifechanging decisions. (Literally)
>
>Oh by the way thanx everyone :) You're all here for a reason. I reckon you've probly saved some lives in your time here without even realizing it.

It took being admitted to the loony bin to make me see what life is all about. Go there and see some of the problems these people have. Yours usually pales in comparison. That helped. Plus the antidepressants are good.


 
sry_not4sale Posted: Wed Dec 17 21:42:48 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>It took being admitted to the loony bin to make me see what life is all about. Go there and see some of the problems these people have. Yours usually pales in comparison. That helped. Plus the antidepressants are good.

its on mi to-do list...


 
iggy Posted: Wed Dec 17 23:08:08 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>It took being admitted to the loony bin to make me see what life is all about. Go there and see some of the problems these people have. Yours usually pales in comparison. That helped. Plus the antidepressants are good.

aye, thank god for prozac valium and those happy grass sticks that bobby marley loves.

looney bin? i say those people in there has a better grip of reality than most of us out there.

i remember a scene in Don Juan deMarco where Johnny Depp explains to Marlon Brando that reality is only how u make of it. "you say this is a psychiatric hospital and that you are my psychiatrist but i say that this is a beautiful villa and you are Don [something something] and you're the master of the villa" - or something in those lines.

haha. i'm a contractor by day but in reality i belong to a secret organisation codenamed le resistance against the evil overlord of the world, christophe and harlem of evil brainwashed women.

till then. reality used to be a friend of mine and one day my band of renegades (papa thong, addi, the rabid panda and the rest of the resistance) will liberate all womenkind


 
libra Posted: Thu Dec 18 02:25:43 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  mmmm johnny depp


 
addi Posted: Thu Dec 18 07:37:38 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:

>till then. reality used to be a friend of mine and one day my band of renegades (papa thong, addi, the rabid panda and the rest of the resistance) will liberate all womenkind

LOL!
I have no clue how we're gonna pull this off so I'll just be a follower and let you handle the details chanz.


 



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