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another f**king chain letter...
antartica Posted: Mon Dec 29 08:33:15 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every GQ hunkie in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Fuck them!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly fucking amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a dollar from some omniscient" being forwarded about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:

(scroll down)


Make a wish!!!




Keep Scrolling



No, really, go on and make one!!!





Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!





Not that, you pervert!!






STOP!!!!


Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)


Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do.
First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.

It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: ! 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!

Chain Letter Type 2:

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter.... You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.

Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 3:

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.

So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.

This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to all your friends.

FRIENDS:

A friend is someone who is always at your side.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.

A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life.

A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs.

A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady.

A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The point being? If you get some chain letter ;that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?



 
libra Posted: Mon Dec 29 13:12:24 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  hehehe

I sent this to a bunch of my friends who hate chain letters...and a couple who actually send them on to me...


 
FN Posted: Mon Dec 29 15:24:35 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I block people who send me chainletters.

Took a while before the rest found out what caused the blocks.


 
Mesh Posted: Mon Dec 29 15:58:03 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Not gonna read that.....Im sure its is funny though.


 
mat_j Posted: Mon Dec 29 20:57:57 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I made a friend cry once because she kept sending me chain letters, i forwarded a big fuck off angry ntoe to everyone i knew and she thought i hated her and would never speak to her again.

In my opinion, of you like chain mail so much become an armourer and make it for a living

(Did you know a chainmail hauberk costs justs 39 english pounds! bargain!!)


 
marsi Posted: Tue Dec 30 08:37:14 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I usually send them back a replay with one of those links
http://vmyths.com/
http://www.snopes.com/
http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org/
to check that it's not a virus or that its a hoax and must say my friends stopped sending me those chain letters. Haven't received one in a long time.



 
mat_j Posted: Tue Dec 30 08:41:24 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  www.snopes.com is great, i was on there just last night. The sections on religion and sex are the funniest.


 
JAZER Posted: Tue Dec 30 10:20:17 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I received this in a chain letter.

RECIPE FOR MAKING LOVE
-------------------------------





INGREDIENTS:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana


DIRECTIONS :
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until
well creamed.
For best results, continue to knead milk containers
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with
nuts, leave to
soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana doesn't soften,
repeat steps 3-5
or change mixing bowls.


NOTES:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully
before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.



 
Malik Posted: Tue Dec 30 13:27:37 2003 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Great stuff!


 



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