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what if?
iggy Posted: Mon Jan 19 03:57:11 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Suppose Men Had "Periods"

What would happen, for instance, if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not ? The answer is clear - menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event:

* Men would brag about how long and how much.

* Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.

* Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts.

* Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brands such as:
o John Wayne Tampons
o Muhammed Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads
o Joe Namath Jock Shields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days"
o Robert "Baretta" Blake Maxi-Pads

* Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("MENstruation") as proof that only men:
o Could serve in the army ("You have to give blood to take blood")
o Occupy political office ("Can women be aggressive without that steadfast cycle governed by the planet Mars ?")
o Be priests and ministers ("How could a woman give her blood for our sins ?")
o Rabbis ("Without the monthly loss of impurities, women remain unclean")

* Male radicals, left-wing politicians, and mystics, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could enter their ranks if only she were willing to:
o Self-inflict a major wound every month ("You must give blood for the revolution")
o Recognize the preeminence of menstrual issues
o Subordinate her selfness to all men in their Cycle of Enlightenment

* Street guys would brag, "I'm a three-pad man"
or answer praise from a buddy, "Man, you are lookin' good"
by giving fives and saying, "Yeah, man, I'm on the rag !"

* The Media would treat the subject at length:
o TV:
+ On "Happy Days" Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz", though he has missed two periods in a row
o Newspapers:
+ SHARK SCARE THREATENS MENSTRUATING MEN
+ JUDGE CITES MONTHLY STRESS IN PARDONING RAPIST
o Movies:
+ Newman and Redford in "Blood Brothers"

* Men would convince women that intercourse was more pleasurable at "that time of the month". Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself - though probably only because they needed a good menstruating man.

* Of course, male intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguments. How could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics, or measurement, for instance, without that in-built gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets - and thus for measuring anything at all ? In the rarefied fields of philosophy and religion, could women compensate for missing the rhythm of the universe ? Or for their lack of symbolic death-and-resurrection every month ?

* Liberal males in every field would be kind: the fact that "these people" have no gift for measuring life or connecting the universe, the liberals would explain, should be punishment enough


 
addi Posted: Mon Jan 19 07:27:07 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  : )
Funny and disturbing at the same time.


 
libra Posted: Mon Jan 19 16:54:25 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i agree with addi...

You know, guys would milk having their period for all it's worth. My dad gets a cold and he's in bed all week whining and taking medicine...if guys had to deal with having their periods once a month, their workplaces would have to offer menstruation leave.


 
addi Posted: Mon Jan 19 17:03:37 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  does getting a papercut on my finger at work count? That will put me out for at least a day.


 
FN Posted: Mon Jan 19 17:06:11 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and still doesn't die.



*turns of sexist pig mode*


 
addi Posted: Mon Jan 19 18:33:55 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>Don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and still doesn't die.

HaHAHAHA! LMAO!

Dries his eyes, clears throat, lowers voice...
That is so not funny and such an insensitive thing to say!


 
Kthulu Posted: Mon Jan 19 18:43:31 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Very true indeed. I wonder if that would make men the dominant figure in decision making for relationships again?!


 
FN Posted: Mon Jan 19 18:45:52 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Kthulu said:
>Very true indeed. I wonder if that would make men the dominant figure in decision making for relationships again?!


Isn't your nick supposed to be Cthulu? Like in Call Of Cthulu?


 
libra Posted: Mon Jan 19 22:54:54 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  actually. cause i know you all wanted to know this. very little of the fluid is actually blood...

you guys have NO idea how lucky you are


 
choke Posted: Mon Jan 19 22:59:21 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>actually. cause i know you all wanted to know this. very little of the fluid is actually blood...
>
>you guys have NO idea how lucky you are

hehehe nice 1 Libra


 
ifihadahif Posted: Mon Jan 19 22:59:41 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>actually. cause i know you all wanted to know this. very little of the fluid is actually blood...
>
>you guys have NO idea how lucky you are

yummy :-)


 
Mesh Posted: Mon Jan 19 23:03:49 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>actually. cause i know you all wanted to know this. very little of the fluid is actually blood...
>
>you guys have NO idea how lucky you are


Oh bloody hell.....or...apparently not so bloody.....


 
libra Posted: Mon Jan 19 23:07:33 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  dug myself into a hole have i.

ok, most of the fluid of menstruation is actually the tissue lining of the uterus...you only lose like four or five tablespoons of blood.


 
Mesh Posted: Mon Jan 19 23:08:27 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>dug myself into a hole have i.
>
>ok, most of the fluid of menstruation is actually the tissue lining of the uterus...you only lose like four or five tablespoons of blood.


Anybody up for some warm jello? Cherry, jello?


 
libra Posted: Mon Jan 19 23:10:30 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:
>libra said:
>>dug myself into a hole have i.
>>
>>ok, most of the fluid of menstruation is actually the tissue lining of the uterus...you only lose like four or five tablespoons of blood.
>
>
>Anybody up for some warm jello? Cherry, jello?

ew. i've always hated jello. and the taste of cherries


 
Mesh Posted: Mon Jan 19 23:13:01 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>meshuggah said:
>>libra said:
>>>dug myself into a hole have i.
>>>
>>>ok, most of the fluid of menstruation is actually the tissue lining of the uterus...you only lose like four or five tablespoons of blood.
>>
>>
>>Anybody up for some warm jello? Cherry, jello?
>
>ew. i've always hated jello. and the taste of cherries

LOL, just.....LOL


But...if I DID have periods, you're damn right I would be milking that summbitch for all its worth.

"Honey, can you go make me a sandwhich, I'm on my period"

"dear, go buy me some beer, Im on my period"


or


"You're a stupid bitch......I'm on my period"


 
choke Posted: Mon Jan 19 23:14:18 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>meshuggah said:
>>
>>Anybody up for some warm jello? Cherry, jello?
>
:O u call it jello?!?! Ive been living in ignorance! Its jelly over here :D


 
iggy Posted: Mon Jan 19 23:17:35 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>libra said:
>>meshuggah said:
>>>
>>>Anybody up for some warm jello? Cherry, jello?
>>
>:O u call it jello?!?! Ive been living in ignorance! Its jelly over here :D

we call it jam in these parts :)


 
choke Posted: Mon Jan 19 23:23:02 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:
>>
>we call it jam in these parts :)

DAM i gotta get out n c da werld!!


 
Kthulu Posted: Tue Jan 20 02:30:22 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>Kthulu said:
>>Very true indeed. I wonder if that would make men the dominant figure in decision making for relationships again?!
>
>
>Isn't your nick supposed to be Cthulu? Like in Call Of Cthulu?

I like it with a "K" better...makes me unique.


 



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