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why i can't sleep at night...why i'm distracted all day
libra Posted: Wed Jan 28 01:38:31 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Sunday: He kisses me in the car, and I realize that I can't date him. I tell him that night, and we stay up for hours talking on the phone and online.

Monday: He decides he doesn't want to play baseball anymore(everyone back home expects him to become some major league player). He tells his mom. His dad is disappointed and doesn't understand. He and I get together and talk, he's still confused about us, he doesn't know if we can still be friends.

Tuesday: Being around me hurts him, he's confused about whether he wants to even be in California for college (he moved here from British Columbia, and had to decide over christmas whether to stay here or not. His decision? Stay...mostly because of my letter telling him i might like him). His mom calls. She comforts him, but tells him that his dog's health is getting worse.


He's confused, hurt, depressed, and alone. His only friends are me and my group of friends (since he spent the whole first semester trying to get to know me and date me). He needs to be able to talk to someone. But being around me hurts him.

My question...should I try to talk to him and help him? Should I be there for him and try to be a shoulder for him to lean on? or should I back away? Is having me gone what he really wants?


 
antartica Posted: Wed Jan 28 02:46:19 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sweetheart... dun let yourself be bothered too much... just enjoy the ride... remember it's not the destination. it's the journey.

have fun while it lasts... i know it sounds real cold and as if i'm THE No.1 bastard... but that's a fact about relationships


 
DaveHill Posted: Wed Jan 28 05:42:44 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Of course he doesn't wants you gone, don't be silly now. He just wants to know why & where it went wrong. There's no good answer to that, but at least try. Otherwise he'll never see.
That's just my advice, could be awfully wrong there....


 
FN Posted: Wed Jan 28 06:54:19 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Whatever you do h'll still be hoping you guys end up together untill one of you starts dating somebody else.


 
marsi Posted: Wed Jan 28 09:23:04 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Don't back away. Be his friend.


 
novemberrain Posted: Wed Jan 28 09:31:40 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I empathize with your friend, Libra, because I've been in sitaution that is similar. I seriously doubt he wants you gone, he just doesn't know how to deal with the pain. I thought maybe it would stop hurting if I stopped talking to my friend, but I couldn't do it because she meant too much to me. I didn't want her gone, just the horrible ache I felt.

You should ask him what he wants, although he probably can't/won't be able to give you a definate answer. Or constantly change his mind because of the confusion he feels.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Wed Jan 28 12:31:37 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Libra, I don't know you, but just based on your posts, I would say that you are somewhat afraid of a relationship.
You seem to want one and not want one at the same time.



 
webmaster Posted: Wed Jan 28 12:44:12 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I have the same sentiment as hif.

In your post, you mentioned about him being hurt, confused, depressed, his mum, his dad... but nothing about yourself. Your decision shouldn't be based on what he's feeling, but what *you* really feel about him and the relationship.


 
libra Posted: Wed Jan 28 13:43:32 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Its true, i am afraid of a relationship. But I realize that and this is more than that though. I know that a relationship won't work between us right now, probably never. But I do want to be his friend and I do want to be there for him if he needs me. He's very confused as to whether he wants me around. Last night he told me that he "shouldn't be talking to me, but for some reason, it made him feel a little better." I want to stay his friend not only because of what is going on in his life but because of what he has done for me. I've grown up so much since I've met him, I've had to deal with emotional issues and he's been my first real 'best friend,' I think. So I kind of need him around...my happiness in this situation seems to be tied to his problems, which is weird to me. But I go and read emails about what he's going through and it affects me more than anything bad that can happen to me directly. I feel so helpless because I can't help him, but I don't know whether backing away would be the best for him...even though it would be incredibly hard for me...

Sorry to ramble on, there's just so much going on right now, and its all so confusing...


 
simonvii Posted: Wed Jan 28 18:46:23 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>Sunday: He kisses me in the car, and I realize that I can't date him. I tell him that night, and we stay up for hours talking on the phone and online.
>
>Monday: He decides he doesn't want to play baseball anymore(everyone back home expects him to become some major league player). He tells his mom. His dad is disappointed and doesn't understand. He and I get together and talk, he's still confused about us, he doesn't know if we can still be friends.

okay anybody who says for any reason that they "dont know if we can still be friends" is...well i dont know, i dont want to sound offensive or personal but its stupid, it is...who cares if you dont think the "relationship/romance" will work? shit if you really care about somebody all that matters is that they are happy, not whether ur gonna stick ur tongues in eacho others mouths or not...my advice: be there for the guy, call him up, dont get overly emotional just be content and happy to chat...if u really care about each other it doesnt matter what ur title is, u should be happy just being


 
Asswipe Posted: Wed Jan 28 18:49:28 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  it sounds like you care about the kid a lot, maybe more than you even realize. why don't you want a physical relationship w/ him? does he have buck teeth or smell bad? are you thinking about turning carpet licker on us?


 
Asswipe Posted: Wed Jan 28 18:51:21 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  seriously, if you didn't want this kid you wouldn't be unable to "sleep at night..." and be "distracted all day" thinking about the kid.


 
libra Posted: Wed Jan 28 18:53:33 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Asswipe said:
>it sounds like you care about the kid a lot, maybe more than you even realize. why don't you want a physical relationship w/ him? does he have buck teeth or smell bad? are you thinking about turning carpet licker on us?

maybe i do care about him more than i realize...but i still can't go there...i don't really know why. He's everything I would ever have looked for in a guy...he's smart, funny, athletic, incredibly nice, understanding, he's canadian! I don't know why I don't like him...but that's all i have to go on right now...maybe a few months from now i'll realize i made a huge mistake, but right now, all i can do is go by what i feel at this moment, and it won't work.


 
Kira Posted: Wed Jan 28 19:55:26 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Lay out your terms and be his friend... you have to leave the rest up to him. If it pains him to be around you, that's got to be his problem to deal with. You can't help him with that, but that's no reason not to help him where you *can.*

Maybe you could start with confiding in him how confused *you* are. Then you can be confused together. ;)


 
Malik Posted: Wed Jan 28 20:06:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  This kinda happened to a friend of mine. She and this guy she liked had one of those talks where they agreed that they were just gonna be friends, and not go into a relationship.

Then, about two weeks later, he randomly kissed her and said that he wanted to be with her. She was entralled, and the two have been going out for quite some time.

I dunno, it sounds like you like him, but why can't you go out with him? If you like him, and he likes you, what's really keeping you two apart? I agree with Sail on this one. Just confide in him how confused you are.

[Disclaimer: this post was written without any personal knowledge of the situation, and thus should not be considered reasonable advice]


 
antartica Posted: Thu Jan 29 00:33:53 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  dump him
run away with me to a island
we'll live any way we want
have a million kids

and i won't call it a relationship...

ok ok...
i'm being an ass agian... =P


 
ken_g Posted: Thu Jan 29 00:44:55 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ROFL...


 
libra Posted: Thu Jan 29 00:57:06 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  hahaha...the island sounds good ant...but the million kids...uh...not for me...and you have a girlfriend, right?

For the last time people...I DON'T like him...he's a friend that I care about.


 
antartica Posted: Thu Jan 29 01:01:44 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  libra said:
>hahaha...the island sounds good ant...but the million kids...uh...not for me...and you have a girlfriend, right?
>
>For the last time people...I DON'T like him...he's a friend that I care about.

LOL
ok ok... let's make it 999,999

nah... dun have a girlfriend...

at least you're "sounding" lighter. =)

take it easy and just be friends... you're both adults so talk it out and don't lose what could be a possibly good friendship


 



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