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Life after cheating?
socialyD Posted: Mon Feb 2 12:33:04 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Is there a life for a relationship after the person you loved cheated on you?


 
FN Posted: Mon Feb 2 12:42:38 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  No.

He'll do it again and even if he doesn't every time you'll see him you'll remember it.


Go for a quick and clean death instead of a long and messy one.


 
novemberrain Posted: Mon Feb 2 13:37:58 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  not usually


 
socialyD Posted: Mon Feb 2 14:02:26 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Isn't it true that all humans make mistakes. Can't people change. I know his cheating wasn't intentional, it was a product of too much to drink and an aggressive girl, who was running away. He feels incredible guilty and the truth is I still love him.

When someone cheats on you it is not like a normal ending to a relationship. Where people grow apart they talk about it and know that things have to end. When someone cheats on you, you have no say - the life and person you loved was rippped from your life. My feeling for him haven't changed I still love him I am just incredibly hurt. Can one truly forgive and forget in a realationship? Would it be stupid of me to try?

I just don't know what to do.


 
FN Posted: Mon Feb 2 14:11:04 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  People don't change

Alcohol is no excuse in any situation

Feeling guilty doesn't change what happened

It would be stupid for you to try.


Get on with your life and let him feel guilty for the rest of his life for what he has done to you and the chance that he blew


 
*m*a*s* Posted: Mon Feb 2 14:37:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I got cheated on a few years ago, along the same way you did actually, and after much apologizing I decided to take him back. We stayed together about another month and a half, but I could never fully trust him so it ended. That's the key thing. As far as I know he never cheated on me again, but I never trusted him not to.
I understand that it's just like you said, you care about someone one day and then the next it's just changed. But if you don't think you can believe he was where he said he was and wasn't doing anything wrong when you're not around, you should just get over him as quickly as you can.


 
novemberrain Posted: Mon Feb 2 14:51:43 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  people do make mistakes.

but...

Can trust him again?

What happens the next time he has too much to drink?


I don't think it is stupid of you to try, socialyD, if that is what you really want. But things can never go back to exactly the way they were before.


 
addi Posted: Mon Feb 2 16:00:03 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  SocialyD
Never, ever, under any circumstances take back a boyfriend that has cheated on you. If he's done it once he will definately do it again and again and...

Always give a remorseful boyfriend another chance after he has cheated on you. Everyone slips up and should get a second chance to redeem themselves.


WE CANNOT TELL YOU
anyone here that thinks they know your situation and your boyfriends mindset also has some WMD's from Iraq they want to sell you. Has an element of trust been taken away? Yes. Does this mean he will always cheat on you again in the future. No, not necessarily.

If you really love him decide for yourself. Don't make an absolute out of the situation. You know his heart better than any of us.

PS If he does it again shoot his sorry ass!




 
Mesh Posted: Mon Feb 2 16:04:36 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>SocialyD
>Never, ever, under any circumstances take back a boyfriend that has cheated on you. If he's done it once he will definately do it again and again and...
>
>Always give a remorseful boyfriend another chance after he has cheated on you. Everyone slips up and should get a second chance to redeem themselves.
>
>
>WE CANNOT TELL YOU
>anyone here that thinks they know your situation and your boyfriends mindset also has some WMD's from Iraq they want to sell you. Has an element of trust been taken away? Yes. Does this mean he will always cheat on you again in the future. No, not necessarily.
>
>If you really love him decide for yourself. Don't make an absolute out of the situation. You know his heart better than any of us.
>
>PS If he does it again shoot his sorry ass!
>
>

Or at least kick him in the nads a few times. Then smash him in the face with a bottle.


Yeah. I dont know what your BF is like so I wont say what I think you should do. Just whatever you feel is right I guess.


 
FN Posted: Mon Feb 2 16:05:35 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Cut the crap and just finish it.



Really why do people have to be so fucking scared of breaking up (nothing against you socialyD just talking about people in general)


If stuff like that happens it means something is seriously fucked up and that it should have been talked about but that's too late now.



Kick him out, as simple as that

No regrets


 
socialyD Posted: Mon Feb 2 16:43:16 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>SocialyD
>Never, ever, under any circumstances take back a boyfriend that has cheated on you. If he's done it once he will definately do it again and again and...
>
>Always give a remorseful boyfriend another chance after he has cheated on you. Everyone slips up and should get a second chance to redeem themselves.
>
>
>WE CANNOT TELL YOU
>anyone here that thinks they know your situation and your boyfriends mindset also has some WMD's from Iraq they want to sell you. Has an element of trust been taken away? Yes. Does this mean he will always cheat on you again in the future. No, not necessarily.
>
>If you really love him decide for yourself. Don't make an absolute out of the situation. You know his heart better than any of us.

Thanks Addison, I know what I want in my heart but my logicial side just won't agree. You're right only I can make the call on this one. I think I just have to take this one day at a time.

>PS If he does it again shoot his sorry ass!
>

I wouldn't have to shoot him. My roomate would. She was ready to kill him, I had to pull her off of him. She's a little protective of me, we've been through a lot.


 
addi Posted: Mon Feb 2 17:14:09 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  socialyD said:

>Thanks Addison, I know what I want in my heart but my logicial side just won't agree. You're right only I can make the call on this one. I think I just have to take this one day at a time.

Sounds wise. You may end up making a bad decision. Who knows? Everyone here has made some poor choices in their past. Just be cautious, and remember, either way, life goes on.

>I wouldn't have to shoot him. My roomate would. She was ready to kill him, I had to pull her off of him. She's a little protective of me, we've been through a lot.

Everyone need a roomie like that


 
SntSaturn Posted: Mon Feb 2 17:20:12 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  No. Leave him. "Once a cheater always a cheater."

If you let it slide with him this time, he'll think that he can do it again and you'll let it off easy again.

Also, never stay with a guy that cheats on you. If he truly cares for you like he should he wouldn't need to get some elsewhere.


 
iggy Posted: Mon Feb 2 21:50:16 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  my ex cheated on me twice and i forgave her. i left her after the third time.

never love anyone with a wandering heart.

you may care about the person, but honestly speaking. the relationship will never be the same again once u find out that your partner cheated on you. no trust at all...

and saying that it was under the influence of alcohol is such a pussy cop-out.

that is bullshit.


 
antartica Posted: Tue Feb 3 01:09:13 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  funny for me to say this....

but

string him up before he strings you...




 
sweet p Posted: Tue Feb 3 02:46:58 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  There is no good excuse for cheating. everything. It definitely shows that the cheater was not considerate enough to think about how his/her actions would affect their partner. Cheating is "a sign" of sorts. It can show you that your partner does not care about your relationship, BUT I think it can also bring to light some underlying problems with a relationship. But this is just a theory and I have no idea if it can be applied to your relatioship. The best example I can think of goes like this: Let's say I have a boyfriend who lives an hour away and while I am very busy with school and a job, I also rarely have access to car. This results in major difficulties when planning to get together and trying to spend quality time together. This would obviously be a frustrating situation and inevitably would lead to us not spending a lot of time together, doing other things, and most importantly, with OTHER people. My boyfriend starts hanging out a lot with some of his female friends and becomes really close to one of them. They realise that they have a lot in common and both, being very attractive and all, suddenly develop feelings for one another. Without me there to remind him how wonderful he thinks I am and how important our relationship is, he ends up cheating.

Cheating can mean a 5 second kiss or it can mean dinner and movie and sex every other day. The point is that your partner does something with someone else that is supposed to be reserved for only you. Like I said before, there is no good excuse for cheating, but sometimes it's the result of another problem.

I guess what I am really trying to say is not that you didn't spend enough time with him or anything like that, but rather, if you really feel in your heart that you want to try to make things work out with your partner, you have to first understand the situation properly, and make sure that you resolve all of those possibly underlying problems before anything else moves forward.

But for all I know, he's a horny bastard who lacks all consideration and respect for you and does not deserve a second chance.

I'm sure you KNOW what you should do...I just think it's nice to see things from all perspectives so you can at least say "I thought hard about this and now I'm confident that I have made the right choice for me."


 
antartica Posted: Tue Feb 3 02:53:17 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  if we realli get anal about what's cheating... i suppose even the thought of it is bad enough yea?


 
webmaster Posted: Tue Feb 3 06:47:16 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I agree with Addi. We cannot generalise and say for certain that he will do it again. There are many cases of compulsive cheaters, and then, on the other hand, there are people who truly regret and never do it again. We don't know your boyfriend and so we cannot say whether it will be a wise move or not. Only you can make this call.

Should you choose to give him another chance, it will take a certain level of maturity from both sides for it to work again. You must be matured enough to put this incident aside and focus on more important issues, and your boyfriend must be matured enough to not tire of reassuring you when you do recall what happened and get upset.

If he does it again. Kill him.


 
iggy Posted: Tue Feb 3 06:51:40 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  webmaster said:

>
>If he does it again. Kill him.


need help?

i know some in here would love to help


 
SntSaturn Posted: Tue Feb 3 06:55:22 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  It seems like most people are focusing on the "will he or won't he cheat again" idea. Granted, that is probably the most important thing in deciding to stay with him.

Don't forget - he's betrayed your trust. After this, do you honestly think he can spend time out without you worrying? Can you really believe anything he tells you after that point? For me, this would be the hardest part. I believe for a relationship to work you need honest communication and mutual trust.


 
addi Posted: Tue Feb 3 07:13:29 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  SntSaturn said:
>After this, do you honestly think he can spend time out without you worrying? Can you really believe anything he tells you after that point?

Yes, it is possible after time goes on. Not easy, not quick, but possible. I would never advise her to put on blinders and be naive about her boyfriend, but neither am I in a position to condemn him to the gallows for one slip up, that none of us have the details on.

*never accept advice from a woman with cold feet : )


 



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