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How to be a good.....
Mesh Posted: Wed Feb 11 16:55:10 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I am right now looking for something on democrats.





31 Rules for Being a Good Republican:

1) You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity between 1992-2000 was due to the work of Ronald Reagan & George H. Bush, but current gas prices (and everything else that's wrong with the country now)are all Clinton's fault.
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3) You have to be against government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages and what your official language should be.
5) You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long as it makes a profit.
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha, or a God that speaks Hebrew.
7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should be subjected to no regulation or interference whatsoever.
9) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.
10) You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.
11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.
12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans.
13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.
15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that Europe doesn't exist.
16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.
17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading.
1 You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
19) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.
20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.
21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that that bastard Clinton should have been impeached.
22) You fervently believe that Nixon was driven from office by a partisan lynch mob and a gullible public that was manipulated by the press and that Clinton's offences made Nixon's look minuscule by comparison.
23) You believe that you should block every Democratic nominee to the federal judicial system until you get to go back in time and Robert Bork gets to be Supreme Court Justice in 1986.
24) You believe that Clinton's pot use in the sixties was fair to ask about and disqualified him from office but George W. Bush's cocaine use in the 1980's is just a youthful indiscretion - that no one is entitled to pry into - and has no bearing on his qualifications as a moral leader. You also don't find W's anti-drug policies in Texas to be hypocritical.
25) You find it offensive that Clinton gave information that required expert parsing before it could be viewed as almost truthful, but you think that W's claim that he has not taken any illegal substance in the past decade to be taken to mean that he has not taken any illegal substance.
26) You believe that Clinton's bombing of the plants in Africa was just a diversion from the impeachment but Reagan's invasion of Grenada the day after the 240 Marines died in Beruit was not a diversion.
27) You actually hoped the NRA's support would go up because people would think that Charlton Heston really IS Moses.
2 You think you can be pro-life if you oppose abortion but favor the death penalty.
29) You believe that Rush Limpdick's "dittoheads" are right in being offended because people assume that they don't think of themselves; moreover, you actually can't see what was funny about the last statement.
30) You ask "What can the country do for ME," rather than "What can I do for the country?"
31) You FIRMLY believe that YOUR way is the ONLY way. Anyone who doesn't agree is a liberal bastard who is going straight to hell.



 
Mesh Posted: Wed Feb 11 16:59:29 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese & North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E.Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and really a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

21. You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.



 
Mesh Posted: Wed Feb 11 17:03:45 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hah shit those were both good. Good laughs, good laughs indeed.


 
Archangel Posted: Wed Feb 11 17:07:01 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  They are good... thank god I agree with points in both though.


 
Mesh Posted: Wed Feb 11 17:09:55 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Archangel said:
>They are good... thank god I agree with points in both though.

Haha, yeah I see truths in both lists.


 
addi Posted: Wed Feb 11 17:15:05 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Smooth move Johnson! Now ya managed to piss both sides off! : )


 
Mesh Posted: Wed Feb 11 17:17:02 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>Smooth move Johnson! Now ya managed to piss both sides off! : )


Part of my plan to takeover.


 
addi Posted: Wed Feb 11 19:17:36 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:
>addison said:
>>Smooth move Johnson! Now ya managed to piss both sides off! : )
>
>
>Part of my plan to takeover.

LOL! take over what?


 
Mesh Posted: Wed Feb 11 19:26:49 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>meshuggah said:
>>addison said:
>>>Smooth move Johnson! Now ya managed to piss both sides off! : )
>>
>>
>>Part of my plan to takeover.
>
>LOL! take over what?



Oh I never forgot.......




http://www.generationterrorists.com/cgi-bin/forum/forum.cgi?action=view&thread_id=28682


 
addi Posted: Wed Feb 11 19:41:56 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  lol
I went to that thread. It says you rule. So you are going to takeover, and you are going to rule. I think that's all well and good. I will be your left hand sidekick even. but exactly what will you be taking over and ruling? I can't just blindly follow you. That would be too republican!


 
Archangel Posted: Wed Feb 11 20:30:45 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>I can't just blindly follow you. That would be too republican!

Yeah, you'd have to get a whole mess of people who believe what you do, that should be democrat enough!


 
ifihadahif Posted: Wed Feb 11 21:33:57 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  post number two is gospel !
post number is blasphemy !
king thong rules !



 
Malik Posted: Wed Feb 11 21:51:39 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  "The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door."
Ralph Nader

Obligitory quote about partisan politics.

But yeah, those gave me a good laugh.


 
mat_j Posted: Tue Feb 17 08:08:43 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Fucking Jay Leno keeps trying to molest me, i was walking along minding my own business the other day and he pulled up next to me in his Porsche and offered me candy, i took the candy then ran, Porsches can't drive into malls. Bad luck Leno! Another day and my ass is still mine. Awwww right


fin


 



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