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Mesh Posted: Sun Feb 15 18:26:45 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Dear Abbey Stumpers
The following are (supposedly) actual letters that Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby) admitted she was at a total loss to answer.


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Dear Abby,

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and Iíve never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?


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Dear Abby,

What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?


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Dear Abby,

I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much Iím not even sure this baby Iím carrying is even his.


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Dear Abby,

I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. Itís getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I donít know him well enough to discuss money with him.


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Dear Abby,

I joined the Navy to see the world. Iíve seen it. Now, how do I get out?


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Dear Abby,

My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.




 
Mesh Posted: Sun Feb 15 18:27:28 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Did You Know?

It is impossible to lick your elbow.
A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.

A shrimp's heart is in their head.

In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones ).

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

Rats and horses can't vomit.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.

If you keep your eyes open by force when you sneeze, they can pop out.

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Cat's urine glows under a black-light.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
(its true, I did try it)



 
Mesh Posted: Sun Feb 15 18:29:10 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Things that Piss Your Dog Off
Ok, as your dog I want to state what can piss me off bigtime:

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.

2. Blaming your farts on me ... not funny.

3. Yelling at me for barking ... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!

4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat?)

5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. (Exactly whose walk is this anyway?)

6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose ... stop it.

7. Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed my fur?

11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

12. When you insist on picking up the piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back there.

14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us?







 
addi Posted: Sun Feb 15 18:57:30 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  : ) good stuuff!




 
iggy Posted: Sun Feb 15 20:02:02 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ahhhh

the only other dude in here that posts these things here ...

goood stuff hehheh


 
mat_j Posted: Tue Feb 17 07:23:54 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Facts by Mat_j

That duck thing has recently been proven wrong, the reason ducks quacks didn't echo before was because nobody has ever seen a duck in a cave.

Paulo knows a girl who actually can lick her own elbow


 



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