Generation Terrorists » Forum
Sign up   |   Start new thread   |   Lost password?   |   Edit profile   |   Member List   |   myGT   |   Blog
Keyword
From
To
 

Diary for a day
wishfool Posted: Fri Mar 5 14:58:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  The Wish Files 001

had to let it out.. just one of those days.. guess all of you know whta that feels like.


I had a fight today.. not the physical kind of fight but the kind you battle with resentful silence & curt speech. Seems to be happening alot these few weeks. Can't tell who's at fault & who's not.. then again, maybe no one is to blame cos some things Blame can't undertake.

Did some soul searching & to my horror, i realised that i no longer recognise myself, being sucked in with realities of life that suddenly i find myself shouldering & not at all equipped to handle. Anyone looking from the outside can't tell but inside, inside is crying to be let out, the old me is screaming to be let out & i'm doing myself to suppress or comfort Old Me that this is part of the growing up process where the everyday life needs coping with.

No longer the freshness of youth and idealism taint me. The world & all its ugliness have battered, bruised & mentally tortured me to the point that i constantly feel like i'm going to break down. No time for escapism. This place is like the world that should be but will never be. People come in here to excape from the tedium & grit of the real world, everyone's happy (well, not everyone) & nice to each other & there is a level of mtual respect despite differing viewpoints from time to time but ultimately.

This is not my life, this is not the trap that i am made for. some people say it's all in the mind, then perhaps i am not strong in mind then & maybe everyone is just kiddding themselves. Am going nuts. Even the closest to me don't know how close i am to breaking. but somehow, i never do. not totally, & i wonder which is a better option.




 
addi Posted: Fri Mar 5 15:22:10 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I hope writing that helped a little. Don't know if it makes any difference to you, but I (and I know some others here) can relate to much what you expressed.
I feel like one of those building block games where you keep stacking pieces on top of each other, untill the structure gets so high it starts to sway from the instability. Ya know if something comes along and pulls out one small corner piece at the bottom the whole thing is gonna come crashing down. It's a precarious way to live.


 
novemberrain Posted: Fri Mar 5 15:29:51 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  There have been many a day I have said 'This is not my life.'

Like addi said, we feel your pain.


 
marsteller Posted: Fri Mar 5 16:03:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  days like that, i usually just get fucked up til i pass out, and wind up feeling better in the a.m. 'cept for the hangover, of course.


 
wishfool Posted: Fri Mar 5 22:49:11 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>I hope writing that helped a little. Don't know if it makes any difference to you, but I (and I know some others here) can relate to much what you expressed.
>I feel like one of those building block games where you keep stacking pieces on top of each other, untill the structure gets so high it starts to sway from the instability. Ya know if something comes along and pulls out one small corner piece at the bottom the whole thing is gonna come crashing down. It's a precarious way to live.

that sounds pretty apt. on the surface, everything looks fine, i look normal. i behave normal, but underneath's a maelstrom



 
addi Posted: Sat Mar 6 12:20:58 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  still waters run deep

it's our coping mechanism. I can't speak for others here. I can say that I'm in the same boat with you


 
libra Posted: Sat Mar 6 12:52:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>still waters run deep
>
>it's our coping mechanism. I can't speak for others here. I can say that I'm in the same boat with you

its like that for me...


 
antartica Posted: Sun Mar 7 04:01:36 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  marsteller said:
>days like that, i usually just get fucked til i pass out...

we feel your pain too mars....


 
FN Posted: Sun Mar 7 06:31:44 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I know what you're talking about.

"Behind the mask of confidence,
hides the face of insecurity,
searching for affection."


"Imagine them seeing what I see,
dreaming the dreams I dream,
picturing life as it should be,
unable to whisper...

while wanting to scream..."


but at the same time:


"Oh and what if they'd know?
those pathetic fools;
that underneath my cynicism,
logic still rules."


 
SntSaturn Posted: Sun Mar 7 15:53:17 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'm going through this myself right now. Well, that and a few other things.

Just clench your jaw, chin up, you can get through it.


 



[ Reply to this thread ] [ Start new thread ]