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389 reasons that every damn girl should date GT men
iggy Posted: Thu Mar 11 02:13:33 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  # If you let me take you to dinner, you get free food.
# I give good back rubs.
# I have not been indicted in the Whitewater hearings.
# I'm a good listener.
# It's more fun than hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
# I have my own razor (actually 2).
# I have never broken into a bear's home and eaten all his porridge.
# I have no communicable diseases.
# You might actually enjoy it.
# I always resist the urge to poke sharp objects into my ear on the first date.
# I didn't shoot J.R.
# I am persistent.
# As of yet, I have never overlooked the importance of regular, continuous breathing.
# I can usually eat spaghetti without getting sauce on my shirt.
# I have never pulled the football away from Charlie Brown
# My shoelaces are hardly ever untied.
# I only tie women up and spank them when they ask me to.
# The rumors of my involvement in the Chernobyl crisis are mostly unfounded.
# I can, at the touch of a button, have a pizza delivered to me in 30 minutes or less.
# Cats seem to like me.
# I don't cry over spilled milk.
# I give foot rubs when asked.
# I have never locked myself in a car.
# I would never smoke nor drink while pregnant.
# I'm really a nice person once you get to know me.
# You've probably never gone out with a man who wears skirts.
# I am an accomplished TV-avoider.
# Would you want to be known throughout history as "the one who let *Dale Miller* get away"?
# I like to fly kites.
# I am not an alien from another dimension bent on world domination.
# I can sympathize with you about how high-heeled shoes feel.
# I seldom pick a fight with inanimate objects.
# I believe that every person has the potential to become great.
# I played no part in the Cuban Missile Crisis.
# I feel that reading a good book is an excellent way to spend time.
# I won't bore you by talking about my stamp collection.
# Unlike Vincent van Gogh, I would never cut off my ear for a woman.
# I always remember to use pixie dust when attempting to jump out of a window and fly.
# I change my toothbrush when the blue color-bristles go away.
# I feel that a relationship can exist without sex if it needs to.
# I would never wear black shoes with a blue suit.
# I speak 6 languages, English, COBOL, FORTRAN, C, BASIC, and HTML.
# You'll forever wonder what you're missing if you don't date me.
# I enjoy brushing a woman's hair.
# I can recite Dr Suess's "The Lorax" from memory.
# I'm not *that* much of an eyesore.
# I take a bath at least once a day.
# I have not been proven to cause holes in the ozone Layer.
# I'm housebroken.
# I have been told that I'm good in bed.
# Elvis is dead and Bob Saget is married; who's left?
# As hard as it may to believe, I have never lost a pole-vault competition.
# I have never hit a silver-medallist in the knee with a club.
# Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment. (John 7:24 NIV)
# I don't wear white shoes after Labor Day.
# I don't turn into a werewolf during a full moon.
# I seldom eat crackers in bed.
# I am usually able to find Waldo.
# I am heterosexual.
# I have never committed a violent crime.
# I do not make fun of Boutros-Boutros Ghali's name unnecessarily.
# My teddy bear wants to meet you.
# To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. (Ecc. 3:1 KJV) Therefore, you will eventually go out with me. *smile*
# You haven't had a sufficient dose of strangeness in your life.
# I am excellent at compiling purposeless lists.
# The possibility exists that I am more fun in person than via computer.
# I have never gotten into a tug-of-war with a marine platoon.
# I am a better conversationalist than Generalissimo Francisco Franco.
# I have never landed a light aircraft on the Whitehouse lawn.
# Nor have I landed a light aircraft near the Kremlin.
# I am more popular with feminists than Rush Limbaugh.
# I believe the rabbit should be given some Trix.
# I hardly ever slurp when drinking soup.
# I have never mis-used Flubber in order to win a basketball game.
# I have never opened fire on a group of unarmed people.
# When I wash my nylons, I don't leave them hanging in the bathroom after they're dry.
# If you don't like it, I promise to give you a full refund.
# My name does not appear in a Judith Krantz novel.
# Nobody can heat up a TV dinner better than I can.
# I don't use "pet names" for body parts.
# I do my own laundry.
# So far, I have managed to not decapitate myself.
# The voices in my head told me you would like me.
# My toothpaste has been shown to be an effective decay preventive dentifrice that can be of significant value when used as directed in a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care.
# I do not drink and drive. (At least not alcohol. Dr. Pepper, maybe.)
# You'll never get a collect call from me.
# It will be a life-enriching experience.
# I have never been captain of, nor been aboard the Exxon Valdez.
# My psychic friends said you will.
# There is a refreshing absence of monsters under my bed lately.
# I have never caused a bunny to tear the buttons off his jacket while he was trying to escape from my garden.
# You've probably heard every line in the book... So, what's one more?
# I would give up my appendix for the right woman.
# My blender has never had a frog in it.
# There's no compelling reason why you shouldn't.
# No tyrannical system of government is named after me.
# I can change a flat tire while wearing a skirt and heels.
# I have never passed out on any world leader's front lawn.
# I'm smarter than the average bear.
# I promise to spend very little of our time together staring at other women.
# Just do it!
# I recycle my aluminum cans.
# I am anxious to find someone to share my hopes, dreams, and wishes with.
# I can put a flea collar on a cat without getting bitten.
# I seldom get my teeth stuck together when eating a Jolly Rancher candy.
# I'm getting fewer and fewer "ice-cream headaches".
# I am trustworthy. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I am loyal. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I am helpful. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I am friendly. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I have never chopped down a truffula tree in order to knit a thneed.
# I had no part in the extinction of either the dodo or the passenger pigeon.
# I have never attempted to dance naked in a Jerry Lewis telethon.
# I have never yelled "Fire!" in a crowded theatre.
# I am courteous. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I am kind. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I am obedient. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I am cheerful. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# It's more fun than doing your income taxes.
# I have never tried to convince Henny-Penny that the sky is falling.
# I understand the difference between their, there, and they're.
# I never fly an airplane in conditions under VFR minimums.
# I am thrifty. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I am brave. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I am clean. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I am reverent. (re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
# I was nowhere near the grassy knoll on November 3rd, 1963.
# I think Nancy Drew is a better detective than the Hardy Boys.
# Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
# I'll supply the chocolate chip cookies.
# I have never gambled away a girlfriend in Las Vegas.
# I have no plans to give the Pope a wedgie.
# I have never been a telemarketer.
# I have never put a red shirt in with the whites.
# I am faster than an unfired bullet.
# I am more powerful than the typical HO scale locomotive.
# I can leap tall housecats in a single bound.
# I am gainfully employed.
# I have never been involved in the shipment of plutonium to Germany.
# I check the expiration date on my milk carton.
# You know in your heart that it's the right thing to do.
# I have never caused a traffic accident because I was fixing my makeup.
# I usually remember to take the shell off an egg before eating it.
# I have gotten to the Tootsie-roll center of a Tootsie-Pop without biting.
# We are of opposite genders in the same species.
# Extensive research has proven that I am, indeed, a carbon based life form.
# I have never smuggled tinkertoys onto an international flight.
# I know all the words to the "Gilligan's Island" theme, but won't sing it unless asked.
# I can have it my way at Burger King.
# I am hardly ever referred to as 'infernal'.
# I use my seat belt.
# I'm no worse than most other men, and maybe better than some.
# It would make me smile.
# It might make you smile too.
# I subscribe to the theory that the world is round.
# I know the capital of New York.
# I usually answer my pages in 30 minutes or less.
# I have a pulse.
# I have never committed bestiality.
# I change the batteries in my smoke alarms at least yearly.
# I make a concentrated effort not to spit when I talk.
# I support public radio.
# I support the Girl Scouts by buying cookies.
# I always shave my legs before a social occasion.
# Express likes me enough to give me a gold card.
# I rarely try to use expired coupons at the grocery store.
# I have never found rude shapes in clouds.
# I seldom keep a library book past the due date.
# As yet, I have not been indicted in the S&L Crisis, Whitewater, or Travelgate.
# I always drown my campfires before leaving the campsite.
# Rarely do I take candy from strangers.
# I never ring doorbells and run away before they answer.
# I have been known to give to the United Way.
# Rarely do I eat paste between meals.
# I have not wet my bed for at least two weeks now.
# I keep my fingernails clean and trimmed.
# I seldom pick up hitch-hikers.
# I am a scopophiliac.
# I recognize Xenon as a noble gas.
# There are few things in life more important than friends.
# I know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver.
# I have never been used as a human sacrifice.
# I close the cover before striking a safety match.
# I have never stopped to think and forgotten to start again.
# I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
# All my appliances are UL listed.
# No one has ever mistaken me for Manuel Noriega.
# The part I played in the bombing of Hiroshima is largely exaggerated.
# I'm cuddly.
# I'll give you free VAX/VMS tutoring.
# I practice "safe FAX" by always using a cover sheet.
# I have read and understand copyright law.
# I'm growing older, but not growing up.
# I never pile up old magazines or newspapers where they could be a fire hazard.
# I can tie both a clove hitch and a sheet bend.
# Never have I failed a quest given me by a King.
# I rarely stand on a swivel chair to reach a high shelf.
# The police have never considered me to be a large black man.
# I was not directly responsible for the Holocaust.
# I'm thinner than Elvis.
# I watch closely when stepping onto an escalator.
# It is increasingly rare that I place fake artifacts in an archeological dig.
# I have not yet capsized a canoe.
# I have never collapsed while running the Boston Marathon.
# I am fully functional.
# I have a current safety inspection on my car.
# I try to help the sane adjust to reality.
# I am not responsible for the misuse of gravity.
# Math and alcohol don't mix, so I never drink and derive.
# I "Just Say No" to drugs.
# I practice random kindness.
# I know the decimal and hexadecimal representations for many ASCII control characters.
# I'm a Pepper(tm)!
# I earned the Boy Scout Lifesaving merit badge.
# I beat anorexia.
# The term "mundane" has seldom been used to describe me.
# A cheap thrill is still a thrill.
# There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.
# I am understanding.
# I'm an accomplice at sneaking snacks into movies.
# I always make sure I have sufficient personal flotation devices aboard any pleasure boat I am using.
# Clotho has spun our threads of life with many intertwinings.
# Occasionally, I have been known to have a clue.
# I make sure my data is in at least third normal form before loading it into a relational database.
# I am flexible.
# I have smoke detectors in my apartment.
# Try it, you'll *like* it.
# When getting off an elevator at a 20+ story building, I don't push all the buttons so everyone has to stop at every floor
# I have never attempted to pull a rabbit out of a hat and gotten a lion instead.
# Rarely have I torn the tags off my pillows.
# I am weird enough for most purposes.
# I have read several Caldecott award-winning books.
# I have never been fired by George Steinbrenner.
# I'm not easy, but we can discuss it.
# I don't *just* want to grope your body.
# I rarely dispose of alkaline batteries in a fire.
# I'm big on Little Rock.
# I will never have you kidnapped.
# There is no proof of my being involved in Hitler's rise to power.
# Take me now. There will be plenty of time for normal people later.
# Rarely do flashing lights mesmerize me for more than 10 minutes.
# I have never tried to pick up men in a city park.
# When choosing between two evils, I always try to pick the one I've never done.
# I lift heavy objects with a straight back and my knees bent.
# I have been able to correctly answer 4 of 5 questions on the MacDonalds Disney trivia Challenge.
# Thor thinks you should.
# Zeus agrees with him.
# I seldom turn the volume on my stereo up sufficiently to shake the neighbors' walls.
# I have never been responsible for starting a war, or even a border dispute.
# I do not suffer from lockjaw (foot-in-mouth disease is another matter).
# Only once have I been mistaken for Christy Brinkley.
# I have never played a mean trick on Smokey the Bear.
# You've probably never spent time with anyone who rated a full page in the "National Enquirer".
# Unlike Henry VIII, I have never had any of my wives beheaded.
# I haven't recorded a Greatest Hits album with Lawrence Welk.
# It only seems kinky the first time.
# I have never made an obscene phone call to Hillary Clinton (or Bill, either).
# Not even once have I scraped my vegetables onto my grandmother's plate when no one was looking.
# I will administer chocolate whenever you feel the need.
# As far as I know, I don't snore. (At least, I've never heard myself doing so).
# You need to take a walk on the wild side.
# Because I have system privileges.
# How do you know I'm not Sam Beckett?
# I rarely stare directly at the sun.
# Biological imperatives override cultural and intellectual considerations.
# I'm willing to supply cold milk, warm backrubs, and hot baths. In other words: all temperature cheer.
# I hated Barney before it was cool.
# I'm the best there is at what I do.
# I only pursue the best.
# I usually put comment blocks in my programs.
# I'll try anything 4 or 5 times. It may be an acquired taste.
# I have never been involved in a Viking raiding party.
# I'm not really obnoxious, just tact-impaired.
# I don't play records backwards and pretend to hear satanic messages.
# I am smarter than a computer. I can count past 1.
# I have an imagination, and I don't mind using it.
# I have never been responsible for, nor participated in, an arranged marriage.
# I occasionally stumble across the truth.
# I have never used a motor vehicle to create an additional opening in a building
# I have dropped buttered bread and had it land butter-side-up on the floor.
# My face has never appeared on an FBI wanted poster.
# I have seldom flashed a roomful of people.
# I am a member of Dogbert's New Ruling Class.
# I make my bed at least 50% of the time.
# I don't let friends drive drunk.
# I have discount cards at three major bookstores.
# I rarely employ multi-megaton warheads for insect control.
# You intrigue me.
# I only *look* innocent.
# I have never gone trolling for opossums.
# When I jump into the air, I always remember to come down again.
# I'm nobody's fool. If you would like me to be yours, just say so.
# I am new and improved.
# I have never exceeded the speed limit by more than 4 times.
# I occasionally practice senseless acts of beauty.
# I have never put sugar in a car's gas tank.
# I'll respect you in the morning.
# I have never stuffed a ballot box.
# I can be easily entertained for hours with a simple terminal and modem connection.
# I have scanned my PC for viruses.
# I am a recovering celibate.
# I have never attempted to re-decorate an art gallery.
# I endeavour to eschew obfuscation when feasible.
# I rarely black out for more than a few seconds
# I try not to make a habit out of wrecking marriages.
# I try to never take myself too seriously.
# I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
# I can go from 0 to amorous in 3.2 seconds.
# I usually remember to wear shoes.
# I have never stepped in a bear trap.
# I have very little trouble remembering where I live.
# There is seldom any doubt that I am human.
# Some people have children to buy toys. I feel it's cheaper and more dignified to cut out the middleman and buy toys for myself.
# I yield to temptation.
# I attempt to remain sentient at all times.
# I know the difference between a bumblebee and a honeybee.
# Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
# I'm all-natural, no artificial colors or flavors.
# I have never tried to out-stubborn a cat.
# I'm the sort of man who reads Playboy (but will never get his picture in the ads).
# I am usually on time for work.
# I drive an American-made vehicle.
# I have never placed a bet with Pete Rose.
# I am the culmination of millions of years of random mutations.
# My passport is current.
# I have never played leapfrog with a unicorn.
# My HTML code passes the WebLint validity check.
# I am not, nor have I ever been, an attorney.
# I have had all my shots.
# I Didn't incite Che Gueverra to shack up with Evita Peron
# I'm unique.
# I have never attempted to run down a skier with a power boat.
# My life is no more complicated than any cast member on Melrose Place.
# I have impeccable taste in women.
# I know the difference between a woofer, a midrange and a tweeter.
# I did not mastermind Julius Caesar's death; that was Cassius.
# Though this be madness, yet there's method in it.
# I have never been responsible for causing an avalanche.
# I have read and understand the EIA RS-232 specification.
# I seldom ask a woman to remove her clothes in public.
# I always proofread carefully to see if I any words out.
# My Rolling Stones albums have no moss on them.
# I'm trying to commit suicide by sexual overdose and I need your help.
# It's been over a year since I last got my neck tangled in a telephone cord
# I have never poured soap into a swimming pool or fountain.
# I am (maybe too) open and honest in my relationships.
# I have never been struck by lightning while simultaneously being hit by a falling meteorite
# I'm user-friendly.
# I have never resorted to cannabalism.
# I have made mistakes, but I'm a stronger person because of it.
# I have never pretended to be an Egyptian deity.
# I often manage to sleep through the night.
# I deny reality whenever possible.
# I always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
# I am sensitive.
# If you don't, you'll feel bad about it in the morning.
# I am not a totally unprincipled rake.
# I have never tried to float a Volkswagen.
# I never put off until tomorrow what I can put off indefinitely.
# I've been told that I'm generous to a fault.
# I can often hold up my end of a conversation.
# It is extremely rare that I leave the apartment wearing one black and one blue sock.
# I have my own toothbrush.
# I can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'.
# I have never played an accordion in public.
# I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (Phil. 4:13 KJV)
# I have never exploited the tradition of mistletoe to kiss my aunt.
# I was inspected by #15.
# I have never bred a new species of fruit fly.
# I have never molded an obscene Jello salad.
# I'm available.
# Being in a minority, even a minority of one, does not make one insane.
# The sources which publicized my involvement in the Iran-Contra scandal were unreliable
# I snatch kisses, and vice-versa.
# No virulent strains of ebola are named after me
# I can usually open those pesky jar lids.
# I am alive, occupying space, and exerting gravitational force.
# I'm pretty good at logic problems.
# Greater is He who is in me, then he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)
# I have not ever fallen off a mountain.
# I refuse to play 'let's hide grandma's teeth'
# I own my own body, but I share.
# This reason intentionally left blank.
# I'm not afraid to cry - admittedly it's usually when I hurt myself, but I can build on that.
# I have vanishingly few homicidal tendencies.
# Dale rhymes with "Yale" and that is a very prestigious educational institution.
# I have no trouble committing attractive women's email addresses to memory.
# You are falling madly in lust with me, you just haven't realized it yet.
# I have never once burned an egg while trying to boil it.


 
iggy Posted: Thu Mar 11 02:14:32 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  actually it's written by some dude called dale.

but i think it's pretty alright.

guys any more reasons?


 
Asswipe Posted: Thu Mar 11 02:16:11 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  man o' man... where do you find the time?


 
mat_j Posted: Thu Mar 11 06:08:36 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  unfortunatly i was indicted with the White Water Scandal, so i dont count


 
Maya Posted: Thu Mar 11 08:54:43 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i was nearly contemplating asking you out but....you like to fly kites? sorry babe!


 
addi Posted: Thu Mar 11 09:31:38 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
Take my hand
I'm a stranger in paradise
All lost in a wonderland
A stranger in paradise
If I stand starry-eyed
That's the danger in paradise
For mortals who stand beside an angel like you


 
mat_j Posted: Thu Mar 11 10:44:03 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hey Addison is that..... Sarah Brightman, what were you thinking?

By the way, that Lost in trasnlation Ludwig is my favourite one yet, that film has sneaked it's way into my subconscience over the past few weeks.


 
addi Posted: Thu Mar 11 11:11:34 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  mat_j said:
>Hey Addison is that..... Sarah Brightman, what were you thinking?

you are one smart lad. It is, but I actualy know it from the origonal broadway play it came from "Kismet"
(this is one of my favorites to sing in the shower!)

>By the way, that Lost in trasnlation Ludwig is my favourite one yet, that film has sneaked it's way into my subconscience over the past few weeks.

Yeah, that stupid movie has burrowed its way into my brain for the past 3 months!


 
marsteller Posted: Thu Mar 11 11:34:22 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  you forgot the part about GT men being genetically predisposed to being hung like horses. well, ponies at least.


 
Kira Posted: Thu Mar 11 14:55:53 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Bob Saget, in the same league as Elvis? Wha?


 
antartica Posted: Thu Mar 11 20:28:24 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  marsteller said:
>you forgot the part about GT men being genetically predisposed to being hung like horses. well, ponies at least.

# As hard as it may to believe, I have never lost a pole-vault competition.

he heh... where'd you think this one came from


 
marsteller Posted: Thu Mar 11 21:36:17 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  well now, that's pretty damn impressive.


 
mat_j Posted: Fri Mar 12 10:37:23 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>mat_j said:
>>Hey Addison is that..... Sarah Brightman, what were you thinking?
>
>you are one smart lad. It is, but I actualy know it from the origonal broadway play it came from "Kismet"
>(this is one of my favorites to sing in the shower!)
>
>>By the way, that Lost in trasnlation Ludwig is my favourite one yet, that film has sneaked it's way into my subconscience over the past few weeks.
>
>Yeah, that stupid movie has burrowed its way into my brain for the past 3 months!

It didn't affect me that much when i watched it but a few weeks later i was walking along minding my own business and bang, it just hit me, and everything fell into place.


 
addi Posted: Fri Mar 12 10:54:05 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  mat_j said:

>It didn't affect me that much when i watched it but a few weeks later i was walking along minding my own business and bang, it just hit me, and everything fell into place.

for me it was just the opposite;
i was walking along minding my own business and bang, it just hit me, and everything fell outta place, so i stopped and adjusted it so that i could continue my journey lol


 
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Mar 12 13:51:56 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>mat_j said:
>
>>It didn't affect me that much when i watched it but a few weeks later i was walking along minding my own business and bang, it just hit me, and everything fell into place.
>
> for me it was just the opposite;
>i was walking along minding my own business and bang, it just hit me, and everything fell outta place, so i stopped and adjusted it so that i could continue my journey lol

maybe you should try wearing boxer/briefs instead of going commando.


 
mat_j Posted: Sun Mar 14 00:51:49 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:
>maybe you should try wearing boxer/briefs instead of going commando.

He's got a point... that's why he has to wear underwear (looks around for applause, none comes, somewhere a nihilist regains his faith in humanity)


 



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