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Chanz's wierd shit part ... i lost count
iggy Posted: Tue Apr 6 03:55:28 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Funny as hell peer to peer experiment.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29438


Exploiting Peer-to-Peer Networking: I have lost all faith in humanity. (Submitted by Tom (at 2004-04-05 04:09:33


I think just about anyone who meets me and talks to me for long enough comes to terms with the fact that I am a very sick, twisted person. Also factor in a few mountain dews, a Peer-to-Peer connection, and boredom and you get what might be the funniest combination imaginable.

I had been downloading music yesterday evening. Led Zeppelin, REO Speedwagon, Flock of Seagulls, things like that. Then I realized that it'd be a funny joke to play on people if I were to change "Keep on Rolling" to "Hot Lesbian Sex". I watched as within minutes this file got 50 downloads. I was astounded.

Then the Tom got an idea.
An awful idea.
The Tom got a wonderful awful idea.

What if, perhaps, I was to change some of these names to sick pornography titles? I wonder if I'd get any bites?

And this is where the fun begins.


The first title I put up was "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." I sat in anticipation, waiting for my first download. Success, the first download came. Then the second. Then the third. This baby was steamrolling down the information super highway like a trucker with a hardon that has 2 miles left to the next truck stop. Before I knew it, I was getting twenty downloads. Then thirty. Then fifty. Can you imagine that in the end, rather than getting dancing boys naked and indulging themselves with sweets and frolicking in a dewy meadow, one-hundred thirty two people got a disappointing video of Led Zeppelin performing "Dazed and Confused" in front of a live audience? At this point, I had no choice but to continue.

The second title I put up was "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked." I thought that this was too far out to get any downloads. Alas, I was wrong. It got a download. Then two. Then thirty. In the end, seventy-eight sweaty, drooling fucks wanted to see my ex girlfriend mow the lawn stark naked. She's not even that hot. Rather then get their lawn-mowing beauty, they got the song "Ozone baby."

For the third title, I decided to transform "White Wedding" into the more intriguing "Elephant cock horse." I wish I could say I was kidding when this thing was downloaded one hundred eighty seven times. I guess there is something about horses and elephants showing their cocks that bring out the best in people. I nearly died of laughter at this point. "How can nearly two hundred people want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!" For sanctity's sake, we're going to leave this as a mystery. I hope I turned some people on to Billy Idol, hopefully distracting them long enough to forget that masturbating to horse and elephant genitalia are not really something their mothers would be proud of.

I couldn't stop myself from doing another. "Grandma Bingo Sex." Short and sweet. I couldn't stop myself from amusing.........myself..... "Grandma Bingo Sex." Surely not a common scenario, and surely not a scenario that would arouse many a twisted psyche. Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche. One hundred twenty two. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO PEOPLE would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table, game card in hand, getting donkey punched by a 90 year old addle brained porn star. I rubbed my eyes just to double check. My eyes had to be lying to my brain. My penis had shriveled to the size of a 2 day old Wendys chicken nugget.

They asked for Grandma.

They got Joan Jett.

At this point I had to start taking puffs of my albuteral inhaler to keep from suffocating myself with laughter. "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" was my next proud creation. Everyone likes 38 Special, so everyone won't feel like such dumb-asses after downloading this footy piece of shit. Never underestimate the inertia traveling behind a toe inserting itself into a rectum, friends. It's like a fucking semi hurling down Interstate 40 in the noonday sun. One hundred twelve people wanted to jerk to this. God have mercy on us.

At this point, for some odd reason, the user name "Enraged Baboon" popped into my head. "Enraged Baboon fucking a nipple factory." No way in hell would this get many downloads. Who could possibly type in any or all of those keywords? I guess people like seeing sweaty red-ass baboons, nostrils flaring, banging their chests like Marky Mark in the movie "Fear", having sex WITH each other in a factory that produces baby-bottle nipples. Imagine what those children would look like. One hundred seventy two people typed those magic words into Limewire, and got a hot steaming pile of monkey love. Well, it was Pink Floyd, but a man can dream, cant he?

This could all seem very disturbing. My final experiment, however, made me dizzy as my precious sack retreated into my pelvis. ...THREE PEOPLE...three disgusting, drooling, perverted, fucked up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "An emu taking a vicious dump." How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter?

Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity.


If I may quote Method:
"You're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy."



 
iggy Posted: Tue Apr 6 03:57:29 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  there's a lot of strange articles on the above mentioned site


 
iggy Posted: Tue Apr 6 03:58:39 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  top 10 things to say to telemarketers...(comes with sound files)

http://www.sunfyre.com/links/telemarketers.htm


 
iggy Posted: Tue Apr 6 03:59:49 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  nigerian email scam fucker caught at last!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/north_west/3594043.stm


 
iggy Posted: Tue Apr 6 04:10:36 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  how to pick up chicks or what i learnt from hollywood
by Bart Cilfone

Here are the things that Hollywood has taught me about how to pick up chicks:

1. Steal cars. Nothing "drives" a woman into "high gear" faster than a man who can use automobile terms in his sexual innuendo.
2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England.
3. Replace your weak human skeleton with a cybernetic skeleton, travel back in time, and try to kill the woman. When that fails, travel back in time again except this time, protect her son from mercury poisoning.
4. Go to prison for five years and when you get out, rob her boyfriend's casino of one hundred sixty million dollars.
5. Do not have a job. Instead, travel along a river and play guitar. Also, grow your hair into a pony tail and have constant stubble. Having previously been an undercover cop in a high school helps.
6. Kill a New York police captain, run to Italy, find a girl walking down the street, then go tell her father that you want to marry her or you will kill him. When you are through with her, blow her up with a car bomb.
7. Carry a guitar case full of guns and kill every man you see. Apparently, when you are finished, she will have no choice but to be with you.
8. Sneak your way onto a giant boat, make up some bullshit about being able to fly, and then freeze to death in the arctic ocean.
9. Grab a friend, sing a song to a stranger, then follow her into the bathroom and offer to have sex with her on the sink. It also helps if you have previously been a pimp, race car driver, or spy.

and the absolute best way of picking up chicks...

10. If the woman's father doesn't like you, bring him to an orbiting asteroid, set a nuclear weapon, then take off before he can make it back to the ship.



 
Malik Posted: Tue Apr 6 20:38:05 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Heh, me and my friends made a video of one of our blonde friends dancing all disco-like, then put it on kazaa as "Dirty Blonde Dancing"

According to my friend, someone downloaded it halfway through, and then cancled it. (Apparently, they previewed what they had gotten so far, and seeing a teenage guy with shaggy, blonde hair disco dancing to "I believe in miracles" didn't turn them on as much as they thought)


 
Mouse Posted: Tue Apr 6 21:06:07 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  LOL!
I would love to see the look on someones face when they open that clip that took fourty minutes to load.
Mouse


 



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