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Now for the Democrats
casper Posted: Tue May 18 16:27:41 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  How to be a good Democrat



1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by lack of Federal funding.



2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.



3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat, than US nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists or Arab terrorists.



4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.



5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the Earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.



6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.



7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.



8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.



9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside Seattle do.



10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.



11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.



12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.



13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.



14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.



15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.



16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.



17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it has been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.



18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.



19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.



20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.



21. You have to believe it's good to hand out condoms to high school boys, but you expel them if you catch them praying for a chance to use it.



22. You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast right-wing conspiracy.






 
ifihadahif Posted: Tue May 18 16:45:11 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Casper rules !


 
FN Posted: Tue May 18 16:47:01 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:
>Casper rules !

Hey hif, how about taking a look at that new thread of mine.


 
Zacq Posted: Tue May 18 17:59:03 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  casper said:

>7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

Aye, this is the one time I have to go with conservatives.

>18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

Really?!? A conservative told the truth? Stop the presses!

>22. You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast right-wing conspiracy.

I have to? Oh well... DAMN YOU RADICAL CONSERVATIVE CONSPIRATORS!


 
ifihadahif Posted: Tue May 18 20:13:04 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans, and Rednecks?


Answer: Pose the following question:


You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are
carrying a Glock 23, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question. Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have the appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just
killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that
would discourage such behavior.This is all so confusing! I need to confer with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer: BANG!


Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG! BANG!
click....(sounds of reloading a fresh magazine).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?



 
Zacq Posted: Tue May 18 21:25:27 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:

>You are carrying a Glock 23, and you are an expert shot.

I don't think there is a Democrat in the world that could be considered an excellent shot.


 
JAZER Posted: Tue May 18 23:29:45 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Very Nice Hif and Casper!!!


 
ifihadahif Posted: Wed May 19 14:17:38 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Zacq said:
>ifihadahif said:
>
>>You are carrying a Glock 23, and you are an expert shot.
>
>I don't think there is a Democrat in the world that could be considered an excellent shot.
>
No, but they would all make excellent targets LOL


 
iggy Posted: Thu May 20 20:50:12 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i'll make a damn good redneck haha

shoot first. answers later


 
Mesh Posted: Thu May 20 20:52:10 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i always thought being a redneck would be fun.+


 
JAZER Posted: Thu May 20 23:41:11 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  IT IS!!!!!


 



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