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iggy Posted: Sat Jun 19 11:27:40 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  the simpleman journals
19062004

i just my goodbyes to my old life.
it hurts to go through this process of the human life cycle, but in the past week of loss. there maybe a silver lining after all.

i remember writing somewhere in my past, i can only write when i'm in pain. but this time is different. even though i hurt inside, there is still a glimmer of hope.

i had a wonderful relationship with a beautiful and wonderful person for one and a half years, and i built a life with her.

there were dreams of the future, a future where both of us will be happy. a future of us running a beach hut with my brother, antartica... where he will run the pub/bar alongside with me and she will sell ice cream.

i still hold that dream dear to my heart but for now, those dreams have to be selved aside.

we walked the same path for close to two years.
she did lessen my inner demons and made me laugh and smile. it was the happiest time of my life to date, and i will always remember the wonderful times i had.

she was my lover, my confidante, my girlfriend, my best and dearest friend.
she was my shopping buddy, my coffee pal, my scrabble opponent and perfect movie date. i can go on and on about the things i did with her.

in short, she was my love, my life and my other half.

but in the process of finding herself and losing myself. our paths which crossed seemed to have drifted apart.
she had her things to do and i've got to find myself again.

the loss was unbearable. if it wasn't for my friends and especially antartica, i wouldn't have accepted my reality now.

as some of you may know, i spent many years in perth as a film student and a student director. but due to my family commitments i had to give up my passion and dreams.

in the process of fufilling my family commitment, i grew afraid of facing a future in my own passion and grew bitter.

that bitterness resulted in my insecurity, my explosive temper and my ever growing anger.

in the end, the price of that was my relationship with the woman i loved the most.

i wished i can turn back time and take back all that i've said, but the reality is that i can't turn back time.
i have to face the consequences of my actions.

i've left my family business to pursue my passion in the film and media industry. it's time to get back my own life and to live again.

it's going to be lonely. it's going to be rough.... but at least i'm on my way.

if you asked me if i have hopes of her ever returning home, i would be lying if i told u otherwise. but till i find my own way and conquer my inner demons, i have to shelve that dream aside for a while. she may not come home... that is a harsh reality i have to accept.

but now, i must find my way in life, pursue my dreams and one day, finally be at peace with myself.

wish me luck


 
ifihadahif Posted: Sat Jun 19 11:36:23 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I wish you luck my friend,
better times are surely in your future.

When I first started posing here, I had just lost my wife of 18yrs. I was very much in the same place you are now.
I started a new life, a new way of life, and was very insecure about where I was going, even where I could go, but I persevered and eventually met the most wonderful woman.
Now I have wedding bells in the near future and I reek of happiness and optimism.
I wish the same for you.


 
antartica Posted: Sat Jun 19 11:41:33 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  brah..... you know i'm here....


 
addi Posted: Sat Jun 19 13:08:57 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Damn, that hurt to read.

Life certainly isn't static. Change is good, change is necessary as well, but it sure can wrench your gut when it comes time to do it.
I'm insecure about change. When I find something good in my life I want it to remain frozen in time, and hold on to it forever, even when it becomes something bad for me.
I very much respect your decision to go for your dream, chanz. I truely believe you'd be miserable looking back on your life if you didn't give it your best shot.
I hope it doesn't mean total separation from GT, but that's just me being selfish.

We never talked much, but I also wish the best for momo. It has to be difficult for her as well.
--------------------------------

Changes
David Bowie

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time


 
Mesh Posted: Sat Jun 19 20:31:40 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz, buddy, I wish you luck and happiness in pursuit of your dreams and your own life. We love you dude.


Change is never easy but things will get better.


 
misszero Posted: Sat Jun 19 22:56:32 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  *big cuddles*

*shrugs* they're the best way i have of communicating good feelings towards someone....


 
choke Posted: Sat Jun 19 23:05:24 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  yay!! not about the sad stuff, that sucks and i wish there was something I could do, but the film industry thing is wikked im so happy for you you're going to live your dream i KNOW it


 
Dancer Posted: Sun Jun 20 00:58:35 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  glad you're moving on..

anytime you need to chat.. you know how to reach me.


 
choke Posted: Sun Jun 20 01:30:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Addi i hate you that song will be in my head all night!!


 
ifihadahif Posted: Sun Jun 20 11:52:08 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Addi i hate that song !

Yeah, I hate it too !


 
addi Posted: Sun Jun 20 12:00:51 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  howz this one then?
(with apologies to chanz)
Chuck Berry
My Ding A Ling

When I was a little bitty boyMy grandmother bought me a cute little toy.Silver bells hanging on a string,She told me it was my ding a ling a ling.

Oh, my ding a ling, my ding a ling,I want you to play with my ding a ling.My ding a ling, my ding a ling,I want you to play with my ding a ling.

And then mama took me took me to grammar school,But I stopped off in the vestibue.Every time that bell would ring,Catch me playing with my ding a ling a ling.

Oh, my ding a ling, my ding a ling...




 
iggy Posted: Sun Jun 20 13:21:17 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  don't worry about me:)
i'm getting on fine (i think)

i wish all the best for her too, even though i don't think i'm the best person to look after her now.

wish her all the best in what she's doing now and in the future and i wish for her happiness


 
antartica Posted: Sun Jun 20 13:23:26 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  lets all ding a ling a ling for chanz!!! woo hoo!!!


 
iggy Posted: Sun Jun 20 13:31:57 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  you're not helping you dick wart :`-(


 
Mesh Posted: Sun Jun 20 18:50:59 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  which ones chan, which ones Ian?


You must tell us.


 
iggy Posted: Mon Jun 21 00:14:33 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i'm chan :)


 
iggy Posted: Mon Jun 21 00:15:30 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  thank you all,

*cry*


 
Mesh Posted: Mon Jun 21 00:17:07 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  in the picture I mean. youre on the rigth, yes?





 
antartica Posted: Mon Jun 21 00:19:40 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:
>which ones chan, which ones Ian?


i'm the one on the left...

Ian has spoken


 
ifihadahif Posted: Mon Jun 21 06:48:38 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  goddam !
momo is hot !


 
iggy Posted: Mon Jun 21 06:51:10 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  yes she is

now you know

think anymore and you die!


 
ifihadahif Posted: Mon Jun 21 07:18:51 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:
>yes she is
>
>now you know
>
>think anymore and you die!
>
Hey, you're kinda cute too !


 
iggy Posted: Mon Jun 21 07:21:07 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  now i fear you


 
addi Posted: Mon Jun 21 08:11:21 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:
>now i fear you

now you fear him?!
The thong man lives less than a days drive away from Addi. He could invade at any time!

"...and there will great weeping and nashing of teeth. Hide your women, children, and sheep. Flee to the Judean Hills!"
(Book of Revulsion, Chapt 4, vs. 6-9)


 
Christian Posted: Mon Jun 21 09:49:57 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:
>the simpleman journals
>19062004
>
>i just my goodbyes to my old life.
>it hurts to go through this process of the human life cycle, but in the past week of loss. there maybe a silver lining after all.
>
>
Chanz, my heart is with you, 100%, and I'm sending you only good and positive energy. The many times I've read your posts, your humour and insight have both lifted my days. I don't know about anyone else, but I sure NEED you. Hang in there, friend...and let me know if there is anything at all that I can do.


 
mat_j Posted: Mon Jun 21 12:49:17 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  My good and dear friend Chanz, it seems like we've chosen the same road at the same time! I too have embarked on the quest to make it in the big bad world of the media. Well you know that i wish you the best of luck, i have faith in your ability to make it and maybe who knows, we might be of some help to each other at some point :). I guess i'll see you a little further on down the trail ol' pal,

Mat


 
Kira Posted: Mon Jun 21 18:19:39 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hey Chanz... I'm sorry.

Love and luck. I know you'll succeed.


 
sweet p Posted: Wed Jun 23 01:27:39 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  :'(

Chanz...
I just wish you some happiness.
And by following your heart, I think that is what you will get.

Good luck with everything!!


 



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