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the humble pie thread....
misszero Posted: Sun Jul 4 05:43:34 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  its times like these that i wish i could edit my past posts. its probably more of a big deal to me than it is to anybody else, but its been weighing on my mind, and i feel like i have to do something about it.

i like to think of myself as an intelligent person... not, like, Stephen Hawkings style, but, you know, aware, and maybe a little geeky and intellectual. i'm certainly not one of those barbie types. and i'm regretting posting those pposts about my, ahem, adventures... its a case of the hand being quicker than the brain. dammit. I have issues with comparing myself to other people, and those posts contrasted with some earlier ones in the thread make me feel really slutty. and i feel like i need to explain and justify myself. there's a reason i had those encounters. there's a reason i talk flippantly about them, even if i don't feel remotely light-heartedly about them. My relationships with the opposite sex have been messed with because of something that happened to me when i was 14, and which still has residual psychological effects on me. I've been left needing validation, and feeling like the only way someone will like me is if i fool around with them. its a self esteem thing. I confuse sex and love.

i don't know exactly why i'm pouring all this out. i don't think i've mentioned it at gt before, but its a part of who i am, and i needed to get it off my chest. i feel kind of bitter about some attitudes, but i'm not a confrontational person, and i'm not going to name names or anything.

i was raped by the first bf i ever had, when i was 14. it took me 2 years to recognise what he did to me was actually rape. i didn't take any action against him, and i no longer have any ill feelings towards him. But the effects remain with me, and i still feel messed up about the way people feel about me. i don't want to be judged for the sluttiness of those acts....


i'm sorry for wasting your time and bandwidth with this.


 
FN Posted: Sun Jul 4 06:13:38 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hmm.

I kind of saw this one comming for a while, was almost thinking that perhaps I was wrong.


You're not the only girl in that kind of situation, I know a few others like you.

I don't doubt your intelligence, I doubt the intelligence of a few of most others though.

Reasons for "such behaviour" (not wanting to sound paternalistic here) usually are one of these 2; stupidity and/or a psychological trauma.

Like I said before, stupidity is the most common one.

Now, if it's a trauma, caused by what you described, my advice would be (although I can't possibly imagine how it would feel and I realise that so don't take me too seriously if I'm way off) to get checked out by a psychologist.

I'm serious about this.

You might say you have worked your way past it, but I don't buy it.

Having it worked out wouldn't require you to compensate anymore. I don't think many people, if anybody, can work stuff like that out on their own anyway.

The lack of selfesteem, confidence and appreciation of your own self and sexuality will continue to have a profound impact on your life which will only get worse over time.

You don't have to take my word for it, but believe me I've seen it happen and the consequences aren't pretty.

All of this will probably result in a major breakdown somewhere in the perhaps not so distant future.

It clearly bothers you or you wouldn't have made this post.

The problem with stuff like this is that you have 1 problem you start out with and if you don't get it fixed you keep creating new ones on top of it which come to haunt you as well.

Guys have a 6th sense for girls "like you" and take advantage of them, that's a simple fact. But the "good guys" feel stuff like this as well and probably won't have anything to do with you if they think you're a slut, so it will always come back to bite you in the ass down the road.

And again, you can tell me you're past it, you can act tough all you want, but I don't believe you.

I know what i's like to walk around with some serious issues to work out with and I know it's easier to repress them instead of facing the fact that you need to come clean with yourself, and if you can't manage it on your own, which isn't something to be ashamed about, you should get help.

To throw in a quote of my own; Behind the mask of confidence hides the face of insecurity.


Get it out of your life.


 
FN Posted: Sun Jul 4 06:14:36 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hmm, some typo's, should have read it again.

But you probably know what I'm saying.


 
dan632 Posted: Sun Jul 4 06:31:07 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  don't go around telling too many people about this.
i got a friend who claims she was raped but i know she wasn't and went off at her for using that as an excuse...i told her to kill herself and stop being such a fucking whore, i wish she did


 
antartica Posted: Sun Jul 4 07:02:50 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  *hugs*.....

if it helps for you to get it outta your system... go ahead, =)

there will always be some one here to listen and read...

and Chris has said most or all of it already...


 
dan632 Posted: Sun Jul 4 07:13:23 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  let's go get loaded and jump off the roof fuckers!!!


 
ifihadahif Posted: Sun Jul 4 10:26:05 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  About the sex stuff, it's only sex. It's no big deal. Anyone who would judge you for that is not worthy of your attention anyway. I would much rather accompany you to K-Mart than Sister Theresa.
As for the rape, you just have to learn to live with it. It's now a part of who you are. Everything that you experience in life becomes part of you and helps to define who you are. How you react to it makes up your character. Don't dwell on it, don't let it take your self-esteem, you are much better than that.
It's over, it happened, life goes on, and we all love you.


 
addi Posted: Sun Jul 4 10:34:08 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hey, Oh.
I hope you know our sexual back and forth banter has just been for shits and giggles. I know it's a part of you, but I also know you are much more than anyone's sex toy. It's obvious from your posts and our past talks that you are also intelligent, witty, and insightful.

Anyone here assuming you are nothing more than a slut has no clue about who the real misszero is and it's their ignorance showing, not yours.

any regular poster here has had posts that they wished they could take back. I have over 3,000 now and there are several I'd delete if i could. If others are trying to sum up a person here they need to look at the body of posts from that person, and not just single out a few weird ones, and come to a conclusion that way.
People could pull out previous posts from me and make a case that I'm a gay cowboy Baaahofile that's into sheep wearing garter belts. Regulars here know that only one of those claims is true. : )

(oh, dear)

Nobody here has any right to think less of you for your past.





 
FN Posted: Sun Jul 4 11:23:13 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>Nobody here has any right to think less of you for your past.


I can do whatever the hell I want you damned longhaired good-for-nothing workshy hippy!


 
addi Posted: Sun Jul 4 11:28:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:

>I can do whatever the hell I want you damned longhaired good-for-nothing workshy hippy!

that's me all over!
Sorry, I forget to exclude you from that statement.
Of course Sir Christ-o-phe can think whatever he wants.

backs away from the keyoard, bows and repeats...

I am not worthy....I am not worthy...

: )





 
dan632 Posted: Sun Jul 4 11:39:09 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'm worthy, I'm worthy down to the last fucking bone


 
FN Posted: Sun Jul 4 11:55:58 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  dan632 said:
>I'm worthy

Of addison


 
addi Posted: Sun Jul 4 12:42:24 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  well, that's a fine how do you do!

We don't hear from you for weeks and you suddenly appear saying nasty things.

where did i go wrong raising you?


 
DaveHill Posted: Sun Jul 4 13:08:59 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Somewhere about 9 months before he was born.


 
antartica Posted: Sun Jul 4 13:13:14 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  touche!!

so below the belt!

nice one dave =P


 
FN Posted: Sun Jul 4 13:25:17 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  DaveHill said:
>Somewhere about 9 months before he was born.

Haha, like he would have a chance with my mother.


 
libra Posted: Sun Jul 4 14:19:52 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I don't think i have any words of advice, christophe basically said it all, but I just wanted to let you know that in no way did i think of you as slutty after reading those posts, and I have always thought of you as an intelligent and good person. We all love you at GT and we support you. I hope that somehow you can sort out these parts of your life and find some peace.


 
DaveHill Posted: Sun Jul 4 15:08:38 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>DaveHill said:
>>Somewhere about 9 months before he was born.
>
>Haha, like he would have a chance with my mother.

Since you're here, it wouldn't be the first time she did something without thinking about the consequences :P

(note : just poking ya)


 
DaveHill Posted: Sun Jul 4 15:10:25 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  And to say something intelligent inbetween : i also didn't classify you as an A+ plus slut after reading your posts Misszero. It's just that you've got to try and see yourself in a different light...


 
DanSRose Posted: Sun Jul 4 16:19:48 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:
>and we all love you.

Yeah, I think that's it. I've been playing with words for the last half hour and I can't beat those.
Love is love and hope is hope and you should always know where the open doors and open arms wait for you.


 
Mouse Posted: Sun Jul 4 17:24:13 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  DanSRose said:
>ifihadahif said:
>>and we all love you.
>
>Yeah, I think that's it. I've been playing with words for the last half hour and I can't beat those.
>Love is love and hope is hope and you should always know where the open doors and open arms wait for you.

Couldn't have said it better myself.
I don't, and have never, thought badly of you, miss oh. *Hugs*


 
FN Posted: Sun Jul 4 18:12:55 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Mouse, I like the cherries hanging on the moon.

Did you come up with that yourself?


 
Kira Posted: Sun Jul 4 18:49:02 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  In all my acquaintance of you I have never thought you reckless or foolish, certainly never slutty. I just hope you're okay, and want you to be happy.


 
Mouse Posted: Mon Jul 5 01:15:30 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>Mouse, I like the cherries hanging on the moon.
>
>Did you come up with that yourself?

Unforunetly no, that picture was drawn and painted for me by one of the many talented people in my life. You all know her as Cherry_Moon, hence the little moon with cherries.
I wish I could have two avatars because I have some lovely dragons Sailovzi drew that I would like to have up as well. One of them will have to be my next avy.


 
kurohyou Posted: Mon Jul 5 15:58:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  As many have said prior to my two cents, I think a lot of what christophe said is correct, though you and you alone are the only one who knows whether you have gotten over your experiences.

I will only offer this, take it for what it is worth. I know many women who are in your situation, who have had your experience, two of the closest women in my life in fact, one of them being my wife.

I have no way of gauging what an event like that does except by what I've seen in others around me, and it can't be good.

What I do know is, that knowing your past, and accepting it without conditions as the reasons behind current and destructive behaviors, is a very valuable, and to an extent, libertating tool. I have just had a number of very honest and personal conversations with myself about my past, and how it is relating to the problems I'm having now. In the last two weeks I've felt more liberated and at peace than I have in a while.

I'm not advocating using your past as a cruch, that would be a poor use of it. Using it as a learning experience, and a springboard from which you can advance your current situation is the best use of your past, no matter what has taken place in it.

Don't know if that helps, take it for what it is worth.

I just got contacts and the left one is bugging the crap out of me so I'm going to go remove my eye.

Take care.


 
erikagm Posted: Mon Jul 5 16:52:10 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Unfortunately I was abused when I was around 6 years old by my great uncle. I repressed it until I was about 11 and from then on I have learned to deal with it to the point that I have learned from it and no longer cry when I talk about it. Mostly though, I was upset because my mother never believed me. Still doesn't.

It is very hard, especially when it happens with someone you care about and trust. Dont let it get to you though, learn from the experience, and move on. Yes, we all have our periods of doing things like you did, because you -do- get hurt by the experience. The only thing I can say helped me a lot is that I managed to stay away from the abusive pattern once I learned to recognize it, and had a few good relationships with men who were caring and understanding.

The one thing I managed to get out of it though, is to never let it happen again. At least not to those around me, and should it ever happen to anyone I know, believe and trust in them implicitly (especially if it is a child) and help them through it, as well as help punish the perpetrator...

You never know who's going to be the villain... In my case it was a well-respected family doctor in his 60s... Who would have known?


 
choke Posted: Mon Jul 5 20:05:25 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i think you're lovely to be so honest :)


 
dan632 Posted: Mon Jul 5 21:15:43 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  let's all celebrate our mishaps, misadventures and how all of us has been sexually abused. no offence guys but this was about miss-oh and she was just explaining why she said/did those things. it seems to me like she has learned to accept it.

the things in your past have turned you into the person we love.

now let's all keep up our heels and have fun celebrating our existance as the abused youth of tomorrow


 
samuel Posted: Tue Jul 6 06:09:43 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  well the kid who did that to you wont forget, lets all hope it weighs so heavily on his mind that he actually melts.

~bad karma to him~


 
antartica Posted: Wed Jul 7 04:15:25 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  may the fleas of a thousand camels crawl up his bung hole and die there....

hang on... may a thousand camels bugger him before the fleas get there! yeah!


 



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