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Simpleman Rants Again
iggy Posted: Fri Jul 23 08:30:19 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  A few days back I heard from some people about her.

And it left me wondering and thinking ... sleepless nights galore.

I thought about a lot of things.
Read through her earliest posts in GT. remembered all the conversations we had... and most of all, remembering the person i knew for so many memories.

I realised i didn't knew her at all.

was she the person i fell in love with? was she the person i was with?
was the the person i met so long ago?
was she the person i spent all my time with?

I try not to believe. but i am slipping.

maybe she didn't change in the past few months. maybe she's just going back to who she is... and she embrace it at this point of time.

a lot of people say that she changed herself for me. to suit me. and maybe she loved it for a while.

was there more sadness that happiness for her?

am i the only blind one for the past 2 years?

i don't know her. and the thought of that just crushed my already broken self.

why can't people be true to themselves? i told her everything that she needed to know about me. who i am, my fears... my anger. she knew who i was.

i'm just me. the simpleguy who just wants life to be as simple as possible. i'm just the same person that is scared of so many things in life.
i'm just a country boy lost in the big city who's just looking for a simple girl to share his life with.

i don't have much. i don;t look too good. i am not too tall. i don't have much money.

what i lack in material needs. i tried to make it up for other things.

passion, affection
to make her laugh or happy if i can.
and in this era, isn't faithfulness a virtue?

all i have to give is just these. and i'm sorry if i can't give anyone a more comfortable life. a sense of security... cos i can't project that image.

i'm still trying to find myself.

how can i love someone else when i don't even love myself some people say.

who really loves themselves? how many can be able to say that?

but at least i tried... tried to comfort the people around me. try to inspire them to go after their dreams. even though i am the one that needed that.

fuck.



 
FN Posted: Fri Jul 23 08:44:52 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hmm well I can honnestly say that I love myself, perhaps to the point of being a bit narcistic, and not afraid to admit it, but that's not the point.



I think those last few sentences said a lot, you should be looking after yourself first instead of being supportive towards other people.

And about the part of not knowing her, in the past my friends have told me that my girlfriends sometimes try to change themselves as well to suit me, and it sucks, believe me I know.

You can't trust anybody, that's what it all comes down to, in the end you're on your own fighting your own battles, just like everybody else.

Was together with my ex for a little under a year and a half, which isn't as long as you two were together but still I can more or less imagine what it's like. Afterwards I had the same thoughts sometimes as you are having, although I guess I'm a bit different than most people when it comes to stuff like this, like ending relationships and all I mean.

I just don't get too upset because of it all, it won't do you or anybody else any good.

I just figure; when it's done it's done, we had our fun and it ends here and now, untill we hook up with somebody else again.


 
iggy Posted: Fri Jul 23 08:56:11 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sorry i just had to rant ...

weekend nights are the worst


 
FN Posted: Fri Jul 23 10:35:32 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I know.

Have just spent 2 weeks in confinement of a single room due to technical problems :o)

Party hardy starting tonight though.

Going out is good for forgetting about all other shit.


 
antartica Posted: Fri Jul 23 12:09:23 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sorry i'm not there dood....

i'll be back soon...
yeah right who am i kidding... 4 fucking more weeks....

hugs......


 
innocenceNonus Posted: Fri Jul 23 14:54:51 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I love myself. Ok, not really. But I do love my personality, as conceited and obnoxious as it sounds.

But putting that bit of irrelevance away, I think you should just stick to who you are and who you want to be. Only change if you think it's gonna be a good change for YOU- not for your partner.

The reason I say that is this- if you change all the time and your partner changes all the time, both of you trying to please the other, what's going to be stable? How are you guys going to be able to really love each other if you don't really know who the other person really is? Either learn to love yourself and who you are, or change. And learn to love their changed personality or leave it.

After re-reading your rant, there's something else I want to say. You have a good heart if you really mean all that you've written.

Just remember that, and remember how hard you've tried. If you try THAT hard and it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

As Christophe said, when it's done it's done.

Don't break yourself up over it. Things happen, and you can't do much about it. Take the good memories and move on.

And yeah- you've always got a place here on GT.

Hope SOMETHING I said helped and that it wasn't all useless ><.


 
iggy Posted: Fri Jul 23 20:38:19 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  er. i'm sorry to bore u guys.

i just have to let it out in here.

need to let all these out or else my mind would be bothered by it and i can't do my work in peace.




 
iggy Posted: Fri Jul 23 23:20:17 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  there were so many things that i did so wrong.

i shouldn't have been so angry and made her feel that she was the one i was angry at.
there are words and the tone of my voice which i shouldn't have had used on her.

as much as i made her laugh, i believe i made her suffer too.

it's not a blame game thing. pointless thing.

it's over. simple as that.

it's strange. i don't quite remember the bad. i try to make myself feel a little better by trying to remember the times she caused any unhappiness. i can't remember. even if she did, i can't remember. lol.

was i blind? lol.

why bother anyway?


 
FN Posted: Sat Jul 24 06:33:45 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:
>er. i'm sorry to bore u guys.

Didn't mean you bore me. If you did I'd say so, don't worry ;o)


 
ifihadahif Posted: Sat Jul 24 11:06:01 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hang in there friend, this will pass and another phase of your life is beginning. Change is always difficult at first but it can be the precursor to something really good.



 
kurohyou Posted: Fri Jul 30 23:47:28 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Its true that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. And from my exprerience its just as important to take care of yourself mentally as it is physically.

I can't say that I love myself, I'm trying to get to that point. But I have been able to take the step to be honest and accept myself for who I am, and be able to take an objective look at what I do and why I do it.

Its been a brutal path, but I feel better for having started it. Though there are times when I want to turn back, but my little monk in my head keeps telling me that turning back is not an option, and if I do it will be a mistake.

Hang in there. I don't know you all that well, but I've been reading your posts and have some idea of what you are going through. But I will spare you any attempt of mine to relate. Just hang in there.


 



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