Only the Lonely 2004
I am going off for a journey alone.
Take sometime off, spend sometime with myself, go somewhere, anywhere where noone I know will see me or even bump in to me.
I wish to be somewhere alone, meeting no one I know, saying "How you doing?" to strangers, and allowing myself once again to be completely alone - away, far away from everything that I am familiar with, and everything that I've ever known.
"Aren't you going feel lonely?" Some of you may ask.
I try to avoid answering the question. After a domesticated life with Mo and losing it in the end, I've been in self-exile for a while now. I've been going about my business alone, avoiding the places where we used to go.
Burying myself in my work... which i find my peace these days. Late night solo drives. Well, I guess you get my drift now.
So if you ask me that question about loneliness? I'm getting used to the idea of being alone. It's not easy, neither a choice made by me. But the reality is as such, so i have to learn.
Do I like my new found singlehood?
I wish i can answer that.
Sure, there's noone to stop me in doing what I want, whenever I want to.
The price of Freedom like what I always say, is loneliness.
The truth is, I wish to travel with someone, someone I love , someone whom I know who loves me too. It would be wonderful to have someone sitting by my side, singing with me while we blast the radio in a beat up jeep. Someone sharing a cup of coffee with whiskey in the middle of the nowhere under the blanket of stars.
And a person to share so many things with...
But for now, I have to travel alone, with myself, and find the person which I've known for 28 years of my life who I haven't known too well. Me.
I guess my desire for that someone to go travelling with me will have to be put aside for the moment. Let the desire die down for a while. There's a journey of self discovery to be done first. I need to know myself, the person I've neglected for quite sometime now before I can let anyone in my life again.
I am embarking on a self-discovery journey soon, when I get posted overseas.
Then in my freetime, i'll do a little beach adventure.
Am I going to feel lonely?
Ask me when I come back.
I will not avoid this question, neither will I find the words stuck in my throat when I return.
Because by then, I will have the answer.
Maybe then, so till then