||I bid goodbye to an old friend the other day. It was nice knowing him for close to two years.
I didn't want to but he asked me to let him goÖ he said the time has come for us to say goodbye for you to grow.
I was holding on for so long now but I realised the fact that I have to.
He was a good friend. He was me, with another name, a different look, with a different reality. He was the one who was with her, and the one who shared the memories of her. It was a reality which I have no part of now.
It was beautiful, being Hammy. And being with her.
She to me, was the closest to ever finding a home.
Sure, there were others before her. But I donít think anyone loved me as much as she did. And I loved her with all of me.
But sheís gone. And Iím trying to make sense of a reality in front of me now.
So it's a new me. And a new her.
Where two images laughed, in itís place solitary figures living separate and different lives in two places.
I try not to think of it. But she dwells somewhere in the recesses of my heart.
And till someone brings news of her, Iíll slip a little and free fall into my memories of a not too distant past.
I try to avoid the places where the memories of us still shared our magic, and when I pass by, I see us. But the places remain, the feeling isnít anymore. Sometimes the image of her runs up to me and I can also feel her skin next to mine, all I catch is air and pieces of my heart.
I still fall for the illusion, and I know the reality wonít ever return.
I still have a list of everything that reminds me of her. But whatís the point when the person Iíve loved and known for so long is no longer the same?
Life does go on. The world continues to revolve. Time as ever, still carries on with the cruel walk.
I tried to go out. Meet new people. But that something is missing.
The feeling of being within the same space and time.
The feeling of knowing that you can show her who you are, tell anything to, no matter how badÖ and she wonít be scared nor repulsed by me, because she knew me.
And now, even if sheís sitting in front of me, I donít think that feeling will be the same.
I thought that maybe that my love could hold you.
I thought that maybe that youíll come home one day.
Whatís the use of keeping me so near you when you see me so far?
I tried to compile an album to say the story of us, but I can never find a song that said anything close to how I felt about you.
I said goodbye to you the other day,
And I donít know how long will it be before Iíll ever say hello again.
For now, I guess it's just me, a cup of hot tea and my cigarettes and good old johnny and santo playing "sleepwalk" in my room.