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simpleman journals. more human than human
iggy Posted: Thu Feb 3 14:30:42 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i can't believe my eyes today.
i drove past my office after a location recce and i saw her... the only one who could cause such a tempest in my heart.

sat there. listened. and it just felt nothing.

and a call from her... to check if i was alright.
i am. i know i am alright. why would she think otherwise?
"you don't seem youself... not human-like"
"how can anyone do a 360? how can anyone change that fast?"
"i don't recognise you anymore... it's like i don't know you at all."

how do you want me to answer that question?
honestly.

you killed me last year... or anyone that resembles him.

you see, before you came along, vonn delivered a near fatal blow to whatever humanity i have left in me.

when you entered my life, you restored most of it back...

but do you know something?

you effectively killed off whatever vonn failed to finish.

every bit of human emotions i feel for anyone or anything.

i don't feel happy, nor sad
not excited about anything, nor disappointed.
not optimistic nor jaded.

how do you want to me to look at you or be when i'm around you?

things have changed so much since we said our goodbyes.

i can't look at you like i used to. with tenderness... or love... or anything i felt for you...

you're just a face in the crowd now.

i changed. and so did you.

you should have had expected this.

you were the one who was unhappy with who i was, so why question who i've become now?

like i said before.
hammy has died... gone.

you set the wheels in motion.
and i'm a product of your actions.

i have nothing left but my passion for my work.

and i am not letting anything to get in my way in realising my full potential.

i owe myself that much.

maybe you're right.

i deprive myself of human emotions.
if i don't feel happy... then i won't feel sadness as well.
if i don't feel optimistic, then disappointment will not exist.

i won't apologise for what i've become cos i don't feel that i've any less human.

you said u don't recognise me anymore...

well, i don't recognise you anymore.

for you have already become a stranger to me.


 
jennemmer Posted: Thu Feb 3 15:13:56 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  For one who says he's deprived of emotions you write beautifully.

*Hugs*


 
breeze Posted: Thu Feb 3 16:36:28 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Sigh..

**Hug**




 
innocenceNonus Posted: Thu Feb 3 19:31:22 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  This I can relate more to my life than you can guess.

Best wishes, friend.


 
kurohyou Posted: Thu Feb 3 22:56:04 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I wonder why they don't think things will change after something like this happens. Where in our upbringing or in our society was it taught that you can be freinds after, that things won't change...

I feel for you friend...

hang in there...

For what its worth...


 



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