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Writers and Death
DanSRose Posted: Sat Feb 12 16:00:17 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I feel remarkably moved and saddened by the death of the Playwright, Arthur Miller. The Crucible was the first play I ever loved and Salesman moved in unearthly ways.

Being the whore that I am, can someone give me a quick review of this piece I wrote for a fiction class. And yes, I know this is the 3rd time I'm hocking it and this space for mourning is the least appropriate place for it.

http://www.generationterrorists.com/cgi-bin/mygt/members.cgi?profile_id=3815§ion=2&category_id=5111&article_id=5112


 
Asswipe Posted: Sun Feb 13 20:34:45 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  firstly, i'd remove the entire introductory stream of consciousness spiel, it's tedious as all hell to read and kinda boring. similarly, when the main character starts ranting again after his two friends leave, tedious as all hell to read and not an easy and effective way of developing a character.

your scenes, the one with the two friends and the one with the girl, were done very well, and i liked a lot of the character's thoughts when they were in relation to the present, but when he was lost in his head or whatever, i felt like i was reading someone's diary whom i don't give a shit about or know anything about which made it boring.

i'd like to see more details of the people, the bandages, the room, and maybe a flashback scene where we see what exactly all this is about instead of just hearing the main character run it through his head.


 
DanSRose Posted: Sun Feb 13 20:47:34 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  He's talking to his shrink. An act of contrition. Hence the title.


 
Asswipe Posted: Sun Feb 13 22:10:32 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  well i'd like it a lot more if it were turned into a scene. if he's at a shrink, the shrink would stop him and ask for clarification on just about everything he says.


 
Asswipe Posted: Sun Feb 13 22:14:11 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  scenes! a page of one-sided dialogue without any sort of action seems real hard to make interesting. why not make the shrink a character?


 



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