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simpleman journals. 2 years on...
iggy Posted: Sun Feb 27 11:08:41 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  2 years on...
26/02/2003 - 26/02/2005

i had a dream the other night.
about how we got together.

of how we met.
of how we came to be.
of how well she fit in my arms.

i am still trying to balance my life, thinking of how things changed, and how our lives changed.

would i pursue my dreams if she was still in my life?
would i met all these people who changed my life so drastically?
would i have the oppurtunity to have travelled and seen the world?

was it ..... worth the seperation?

i try to balance it up.
and sometimes it hurts too much to think about these things.

and i try to distance myself from how i feel.
it's always under control.

bury yourself in your work.
go out and play.
get out and meet new people.

i have to tell myself that everyday.

work chan, work...
show to yourself that you can make it.
show to yourself that it's all worth the pain.
show to everyone that u can do it.

work, chan.... work.

and now... all that there's left is work.

and i lose it now and then.
i love her as much as i hate her.
as much as i have to constantly remind myself that the memory of her hurts... but something inside me tells me that she made me human.

she was the one who nearly saved my soul from my own self destruction.

whatever love i felt.
i poured it into my work.

but love given to something which is not another living and breathing soul does not recipocate.

and i find myself caring lesser, for anyone or anything.

there's only so long u can bury yourself at work.
there's only so much u can get after you sold your soul to the world.

i would have given up all i have now and whatever that will come for that very light that made my world a little happier.


i would have said 'fuck love' and walked away from everything.

but everynight, my dreams will start and i'll dream of a love that will carry me far away from my reality... and i'll suffer the heartbreak every moment i wake up crying to dream again.




 
antartica Posted: Sun Feb 27 12:55:06 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  hugs brah...


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Sun Feb 27 21:42:26 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Poor Chanz, :( I was like for years over my first love. Now don't like to think about Michael anymore, too painful


 



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