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resistance news from sinfest
iggy Posted: Sun Mar 6 03:38:37 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  01/04/04
Laughter is the face orgasm. When you laugh, the private organs must go, "What the heck was that? I thought we were in charge of fun!" It must freak the ol' nads out. I imagine there's a running competition between the sex drive and the sense of humor. A battle between the funny bone and the boner. Which can cause more pleasure? The ha ha or the oo la la? Comedy or hot dripping sweaty naughty good times? Which begs the question: After you share a big hearty laugh with someone--the kind that makes you convulse with nasal snort noises--do you still respect each other in the morning? Do you avoid each other, then bump into them at the water cooler and sheepishly go, "So. Things got weird, huh? I laughed. You laughed. One thing led to another..." Ever look at someone and go, Man, I'd sure love to get together with that piece of funniness and laugh and laugh till milk shoots outta me. That person will make milk come out my nose over and over and over again. Ooh. Yeah. Tell me the one about the rabbi and the penguins, baby... Right there... Yeah... Ah! Ah! AH HA HA HA HA HA!
-T.


 
iggy Posted: Sun Mar 6 03:39:41 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ~
For my next trick I will
turn this water into funk
~


January 25, 2004
On humanity. Sometimes I imagine humanity as one giant being made up of smaller individual beings, like Voltron. And when the Forces of Evil start acting up, we all band together to form the Mighty People-Tron! Europe would be the torso. Africa would be the pelvis. The Middle East the heart. Asia would supply the gadgets and knickknacks. Russia can be the hat. And America will form the ego! Yes. Impressive figure, this Humanity-Bot. A shining gleaming champion of justice and liberty. Until, of course, you realize there are no forces of evil besides our own damn selves. So this majestic Humani-Tor is always at odds with himself, in-fighting, bickering, hating on himself. A big ol' Robo-Hamlet, holding up a skull, going, "What is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me." He's been to the moon. He split the atom. He's made cool stuff. And he's also done some pretty crappy things too. The bad boy of Mother Nature, the one with Holy Father issues. Maybe he'll learn to love himself someday. Maybe he'll tear down all the walls and weapons he's built and get his groove back, you know?
-T.


 
iggy Posted: Sun Mar 6 03:40:39 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  March 7, 2004
Some rumors circulating about Tatsuya Ishida's disappearance:
After years of hedonistic excess and debauchery he donates all his belongings to charity and decides to "walk the earth."
Convicted on four counts of obstruction of justice, perjury, and general badness, he is sentenced to 15 years in maximum security prison.
After inadvertently exposing his right nipple on network television he is taken in by federal authorities and beaten like Jesus.
He finally succumbs to the Dark Side of the Force and slaughters a village of Sand People.
Tibetan monks identify him as the 15th Dalai Lama and arrange for his immediate evacuation.
Friends and family conduct an intervention and send him to rehab, where he battles his addiction to sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. So far no progress has been reported.
Upon serving his requisite number of years as emissary on earth his people from Planet Pimptastica come to take him home.
-T.


 
iggy Posted: Sun Mar 6 03:41:12 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  March 14, 2004
And now some more made up news:
The Democratic and Republican Parties are co-opted by corporations and subsequently renamed The Pepsi Party and The Coca-Cola Party. "Now I understand the difference between the two sides," said one college freshman. Meanwhile, Ralph Nader announces his candidacy under the Shasta Party.
Bush discovers weapons of mass destruction in the U.S. "Pinch my tits!" shrieked the commander in chief. "We're evil-doers!" After a hastily cancelled national emergency Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice wrestle the President to the ground and explain that "we're the good guys so it's okay."
State to require a "screwing test" for those seeking a marriage license. Couples will be evaluated in several key categories, including thrust per minute ratio, "orgasm faces," and screaming decibel.
Arnold Schwarzennegger promises to "terminate Iraq." "I will governate them and I will grope them and I will say 'Hasta la vista, camel babies!' I'm so excited my muscles are bulging with pah-wer."
-T.


 
iggy Posted: Sun Mar 6 03:41:36 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  July 26, 2004
More news:
Slim Fast hires Dick Cheney as new spokesperson. "Go fuck yourself. Big time," reads new slogan.
Weapons of mass destruction finally found in Iraq: Commercial airplanes.
9/11 Commission goes on book tour to promote its debut release. Critics pan the tome as a "failure of imagination."
KFC chickens riot, capture Colonel Sanders and threaten to behead him unless all their brothers and sisters are liberated. Company officials blame the movie Chicken Run.
Gay mafia leaves a decapitated head of a French poodle in George Bush's bed. Commander in chief vows to smoke out the anal-doers and rid the world of gayness.
John Ashcroft makes surprise visit to Urban League, introduces himself as "J. Ash," performs hip hop version of his classic hit single "Let the motherfuckin' eagle soar."
Terror color chart changed to black and white to better reflect administration policy.
Latest conspiracy theory contends that a shadowy cabal known as the Bulliminati is covertly fattening up Americans with misleading nutrition information to usher in a Fat World Order.
-T.


 
Mouse Posted: Sun Mar 6 04:11:08 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Okay, I just died laughing.
Thank you, chanz.
*salutes*


 
marsi Posted: Sun Mar 6 12:36:46 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz said:
>01/04/04
>Laughter is the face orgasm.

Lol.



 



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