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Freud = dad
Asswipe Posted: Tue Apr 26 17:47:17 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'm currently writing a non-fiction piece about my own family and the relationships between my parents, me, and my step-mother. Just wondering, how do you feel about your own parents? Which do you relate to best? Which do you like the best? Which do you find yourself most similar to? Do you have a close relationship w/ the 'rents?

I just lost my train of thought due to a sweet dispatch song that just came on, but anything else you may want to say on the subject'd be interesting to read. Fucking ADD or something.




 
FN Posted: Tue Apr 26 18:02:39 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I was mostly raised by my mother, have a pretty strong bond with her. I do feel like I can talk to her about anything, though I don't want to, but if needed I know that I could. I know a lot about her as well. There are absolutely no taboos. Oral sex has even occured in the conversations more than once. My mother truly is one of my best friends. But like with everybody, there is some caution towards her as well due to some past events.

With my dad... What can I say... All we ever really talked about was money, how to get it, how to keep it, how to make more of it. I can't remember 1 conversation with my dad about anything else. However, I think the both of us have a really hard time showing a vulnerable side of ourselves and that might be the reason. I dunnow. I've never felt the need to *really* talk to my dad. But there was mutual and honest respect going on. And I've heard from people who can know that he is truly proud of me, which counts for something too I guess.

Right now however, due to current events, I haven't talked to him in a month or 2 I think, can't really put a time on it. A series of heavy fights which had been escalating during the last 3-4 years finally reached critical mass and blew up in his face. He underestimated the kind of fury that I'm capable of when pushed too far. He had his warnings and he knew where my line was drawn, yet he couldn't help himself from corssing it.

Oh well.


 
FN Posted: Tue Apr 26 18:04:08 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Divorced parents by the way if that's something you need to know.


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Tue Apr 26 19:00:49 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Asswipe said:
>how do you feel about your own parents?
my own birth parents sucked worse then anyone elses i know. i know a lot of people. my adopted parents are awesome but i really blew it as a daughter.

>Which do you relate to best?
my adopted dad

>Which do you like the best?
my adopted dad. he's one of the coolest dads around. he's a carpenter, gear head, chef, computer nerd and house cleaner as well as being more of the mom than my mom. my mom acts more like a dad.

>Which do you find yourself most similar to?
I'm most like my adopted mom in thought. and birth mom in cleanliness. i'm rather messy and disorangized but i'm also a force to be reckoned with when i want something done my way.

>Do you have a close relationship w/ the 'rents?
never had a "close" relationship with any parental unit. I was fucked up by my birth parents and now with the second set i've fucked them up. so. no go with the p.u.

>Fucking ADD or something.
ADD should be praised for all its many wonders. think of all of the murders, suicides, and just plain troubles that were stopped due to a distracting shiny object. Praise be ADD.


 
libra Posted: Tue Apr 26 19:52:25 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Asswipe said:

> Just wondering, how do you feel about your own parents?
They're good parents most of the time, but I can see areas in which they've been weak, or areas in which they've affected my life negatively...We don't always get along, and I think they've been to self-sacrificial to me and my brother in ways we didn't want them to be. Sometimes I wish my parents would go out to a movie, or my mom would find some friends to go out with. When you live for your children, life gets pretty difficult when the kids are teens and about to be out of the house.

>Which do you relate to best?
Both, in different ways. My mom and I relate around the house about various things, usually regarding frustration about my dad or brother's silly "male" actions. My dad and I can understand each other better when it comes to more intellectual matters.
>Which do you like the best?
I don't like to answer that. I need both of them, they balance each other out. My mom can take me shopping or give me advise on friendship situations, etc. My dad can talk to me about books and movies, politics and history, etc.

> Which do you find yourself most similar to?
My dad, we're both book nerds, we have very similar opinions.

>Do you have a close relationship w/ the 'rents?

Not really. We can talk about things, but never really personal things. i don't go to them with major problems, or tell them things about my life beyond the time i'm coming home for dinner and a general idea of where i'm going. They don't know much about my school, or papers, tests, etc. They see my final grades, but I don't generally talk to them about those sorts of things. I'm a really private person, even with my parents. The only person that i knows me more than the GTers is my boyfriend.


 
iggy Posted: Tue Apr 26 23:05:10 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  how do you feel about your own parents?

ans : i love them as much as i hate them

Which do you relate to best?

ans : neither. i don;t relate to them at all.

Which do you like the best?

ans: my mum at times, when she's in a good mood.

Which do you find yourself most similar to?

ans: neither.

Do you have a close relationship w/ the 'rents?

ans: not really.


 
Asswipe Posted: Wed Apr 27 02:45:32 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Cherry_Moon said:
>>>Fucking ADD or something.
>ADD should be praised for all its many wonders. think of all of the murders, suicides, and just plain troubles that were stopped due to a distracting shiny object. Praise be ADD.

damn it, cherry_moon. that made my night


 
Asswipe Posted: Wed Apr 27 02:48:09 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  chanz, i'd wish you'd answer more in depth. it seems having a man from another culture's perspective would be interesting


 
addi Posted: Wed Apr 27 07:36:04 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Asswipe, you should answer this one. I'm interested in reading your answers.

My Mom: Inherited her silliness and sincere concern for others. She's a fundamentalist religiously, so I have little in common with her belief system, but she is full of love and has always been steady as a rock. Love her to death, but don't relate to her in many ways.

My Father: Inherited his questioning of things and his seriousness. He left home when i was in 2nd grade and remarried, but tried to still be around in my life as a father. Had a love/hate relationship with him in my teens...now we get along great and relate very well. Things I didn't understand in my youth about love and relationships have become much clearer to me as an adult, and helped me understand and accept why he left the family, and why he treated me the way he did growing up.

Stepmom: Hated her as a child. Saw her as the sole reason for my unhappiness. Literally hoped she would die, so that my parents could get back together. As years passed I came to love her, and in many ways I am closer and can relate to her better now than my biological parents.

*For those of you that had, or are having, a hard time with your parents; they may have some serious shortcomings...they may even suck as parents sometimes, but just remember it's the toughest job you'll ever have in your life if you choose to be one someday...
and one day down the road years from now your kid may be on a forum telling the world about what lousey parents you've been. Food for thought.
: )





 
Mark Posted: Wed Apr 27 08:43:18 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  In the first 15 years of my life (before I knew they would divorce) almost everything was fine. They completed each other and the more serious quirks of their behavior were nullified that way (or I was just to young to know :p ). I know they did the best they could, although sometimes Iím not to sure of that, because sometimes parent can really get on your nerves.

How I feel about them? Well I can sincerely say I love them even they sometimes freak me out but heyÖ thatís a parentís job.

I cannot choose between my parents who I like more. When they divorced I lived with my father for the first year, but not because I liked him moreÖ He kept living in the house Iíd always lived. After that year he decided to move, I chose to live with my mother so I could keep living in the village I grew up.

Canít really tell who I resemble the most. Some people say I look and act like my father, others say I resemble my motherÖ So I guess it is both. There is just one quirk I wished I didnít haveÖ My mom is a cleaning freakÖ if possible she will clean the entire house everyday from top to bottom. It sometimes irritates me like hell, but I sometimes notice Iím a bit of a cleaning freak myself.

You know, my most terrifying thought I ever had that had to do with my parents was the fact that they will die one day. During the divorce period some idealistic dreams where shattered, but this was the worst one. The people that would always be there for me will one day be no more. And the strange thing is I already had seen some people close by die, but never looked at my parents as people that could dieÖ so fucking weirdÖ


 
misszero Posted: Wed Apr 27 09:50:00 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  my mother is a more emotional, intuitive and caring type person, whereas my dad (who's an engineer, which might explain it) is more analytical, and doesn't really show his emotions obviously (has never said 'i love you' to me, but i know he does through other things). a friend of mine once said i inherited my mother's heart, and my father's mind. i'm in between them in personality, though i'm probably becoming more like my father, in that i've started hiding my emotions more etc. I also inherited my smartarse-ness from him.

i talk more to my mother. i don't tell her about things she doesn't want to know i'm doing. She still kinda treats me like i'm 16 or so, but i'm the oldest, so maybe that's why. I avoid conflict with the whole thing by just not telling her about drugs and whatever. i really only talk to my dad about subjects.... not general talking, but about specific things, like an article in the paper, or communism... a topic.

i get along alright with them.




 
breeze Posted: Wed Apr 27 10:34:27 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Asswipe said:
>Just wondering, how do you feel about your own parents?

I love them. Now as I growing up, I understand much better why they did certain things and I appreciate the values they taught me and my brother. They gave me a lot of freedom and independence compared to mostly conservative upbringing people in my country get, they let me travel on my own and live wherever and do whatever, compared to many of my friends who had / going to have arranged marriages and canít even go out to clubs. But they still kept the oriental influence by raising me as very family oriented and respectful and appreciative towards my culture and traditions.

>Which do you relate to best?

Used to be my dad when I was younger, now that I grew up I relate better to my mom I think.

>Which do you like the best?

My dad. He introduced me to all the cool stuff: camping, photography, traveling, sci-fi and fantasy books, and music (I grew up on Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, and Dire Straits).

>Which do you find yourself most similar to?

I think Iím an equal mixture of both.

>Do you have a close relationship w/ the 'rents?

Yup. Even though we live in different countries now, I call them on average 3-4 times a week and they know quite a lot about my life. My momís visiting currently and sheís gonna stay around for about 2 months and Iím happy about it. I started appreciate them and what they did for me more once I started living alone, especially in a totally foreign country.



 
JesusOnline Posted: Wed Apr 27 10:40:26 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I love my parents dearly, and am able to express this towards them without any difficulty, they on the other hand suffer from perhaps a typically scottish trait of not be able to tell me they love me back. I don't this against them, different generations and influences from new-age resources.

Of the two I'd say I like my dad the most, we've always been able to talk about anything - the silly to the dead on serious, we'll normally conflict on issues - [He's very homophobic for example and does not like to talk to my friend Claire as she is gay. However his upbringing was certainly a breeding ground for his thoughts and they are deeply imbedded, I can't try and change him it's something I have to accept. --NB an issue I've thought about is whether he'd feel the same why about me if I was gay, or should i have children and one of them turn out to be homosexual how would this affect their relationship as grandfather/grandson(daughter). --] We tend to work well together though, I have been able to go out with him to play snooker and end up at 3am in a nightclub with my friends and my dad still in tow they enjoy his company as much as i do, we have very different personalities and interests but are so similar also.

My mother is very much a grounding figure, very stable and calm. I wouldn't say I'm in anyway like her, I'd be hard to pull out a trait I have which I feel came from her. We talk often but only for short periods of time, about trivial things like the weather and my sister and family. I've always felt my mother has more affection for my sister - my father is not the biological parent to my sister, however he has been the only father she's ever had, he came into her life when she was 2 and has been a constant since. I know my sister feels like he is her dad, and to some extent wishes he really was biologically too. - This does not affect my feelings towards my mother however, I still love her with all my heart.


 
antartica Posted: Wed Apr 27 11:45:38 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  have not had a decent convo with my old man for the last god knows how many years, since i was about 10... i'm 29 this year.

have always been closer to mum, but just had a fight with her, so that blew everything i thought that she "understood"

don't even know my own lil bro's fave colour

know next to nothing about my folks... even the triviliaties like "favourite food"

go figure......


 
kurohyou Posted: Thu Apr 28 13:14:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Mother:

Growing up my mother was a very needy person, especially after my father left when I was 5. She is Bipolar, so while it made for a lot of good times when she was in her high manic state, it also made for a lot of stress when she came down. She would fall into horrible fits of depression where she would cry and yell at us kids. She was never phycially abusive, but could be verbally brutal at times.

I felt it was my job to make my mom happy, so I spent the better part of my childhood from the age of 7 on trying to make my mother happy. It was hard, and it caused me to grow up too damn fast. I didn't have much of a childhood per se, i was worrying about making my mom happy. To this day it bugs me to see a woman cry.

As I got older I rebelled against my mother, we got into some horrible fights which were nothing more than my 17 year old ego not wanting to be her emotional support anymore. I wanted my own life, my own things. We had a pretty major falling out, though we still talked, there was a lot of tension in the conversations.

About a year ago she moved to Arizona, that, and a major family fallout with another member of the family brought some things into perspective for me. I came to realize that my mother wanted to be happy, which is all any of us really want. I had managed to catch a glimsp of how my mother had grown up and came to understand her better, not as my mother, but as a fellow human being. And I felt bad for my mother, and I felt worse because, while all she wanted was to be happy, and I had not done much in recent years to help her be happy.

So I took her to dinner the night before she left and I told her those things, and apologized for the years before. We cried, we hugged and it was like a weight was lifted off of me. Converstations with my mother can still be frustrating, but I see her differently now and so while she can still frustrate me with how she runs her life, there isn't that tension that was there before.

Father:

My dad left my mom when I was 5 years old. I have vague memories of my dad when he lived with us, but nothing substantial, they come as disjointed images from a dream. My dad wasn't a talker. He rarely talked to us kids about anything of any substance. I never got the "Birds and the Bee's" Talk from him. We had a short one two years after my son was born.

When my dad left it broke me as a child, it was horrible. I could not understand what had happened and I held out hopes until I was 12 that they were still going to get back together. Those hopes faded when Dad asked us what we thought of him getting married, and after telling him that we didn't want him to, he told us that he already had. We had not been invited to the wedding.

There were years when I didn't see my dad for whatever reasons. And most of my interactions with him took place every other weekend. Going to my dads was like going to an unregulated summer camp. He owned 35 acres of land outside of Sedalia and we would go up there and just run wild. He would work, he was self employeed, and we would eat and go home on Sunday night.

As I got older my interactions with my dad were more on a friendship level than a father-son level. We'd talk sports and work, nothing deep, all very superficial. I did ask him about 6 years ago why he had left my mom and after hearing his explination came to understand my dad better as well. Though I'm scared that as I get older, I become more and more like him.

My dad is a good man, and I respect him as one of the hardest working men I know. He is definantly one of my role models as I have gotten older, primairly because no matter what has happened in his life, he has not let it break him. And he has been dealt some bad hands throughout his life.

For the longest time I refused to believe that my dad had an impact on my life and growing up. He wasn't there how could he have? But in recent months I've come to realize that his absence from my life played a major role in who I am now. I never had a father around to explain the process of growing up when I was young.

He wasn't around in 4th Grade when little Leah (can't remember the last name) leaned over to me at the end of class one day and whispered that she loved me in my ear. I was petrified, no one but my family had ever said that to me before and I didn't know what to do with it. My mother did the best she could to explain it away, using a dictionary and waking me up at 6:00am the following morning...that still makes me laugh.

But I learned how to become a man on my own. I learned by watching the people around me, compensating where I could, and, in most cases, over compensating where I didn't understand. Much of how I deal with the world, and how I face the world has been built off of, not my fathers presence, but his absence. And I'm still struggling with some issues as they relate to my father, but I don't harbor any resentment towards him and we get along great.

I see bits and peices of pride in him when we talk about me becoming a law enforcement officer, because that is what his life has been. I'm sure that there is something vindicating for a father if his son follows in his footsteps.

For what its worth...

*apologizes for ranting*



 
sweet p Posted: Thu Apr 28 15:09:13 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  kurohyou said:

>*apologizes for ranting*

Oh, but it was such an excellent rant, Kuro.

I like how you write. This one was like reading a short story and you were the best character. And I think it's nice how you remember things and how you tell them again.



 
Mesh Posted: Tue May 3 02:57:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  My father is a no good alcoholic child abuser who abandoned his kids with distant relatives who were strangers. He came here to the States a while back and, though he knows me and my sisters number, didnt bother telling us so that we might be able to visit with him(surprisingly I still wish I could see him). I only found out he was here after he was already gone, when I talked to my brother over the phone. I havent spoken to my father, minus a couple of phone calls that literally lasted less than a minute, in ages.

I rarely saw my mother. She joined a bunch of bohemians when I was six and I currently dont even know where shes at. Somewhere along the european mediterranean coast last I know of. I last talked to her when she called out of the blue to tell me her cancer came back.


That said now that I've grown up I see a lot of my father in myself. We're both stubborn, say whatevers on our mind, have a general dislike of lots of people and hate small talk. We both always have had a problem accepting authority. We are both very protective of loved ones(even though often times we are the ones who do the harm. in his case physically and verbally, in my case verbally). We both have odd senses of humor. We are both more arrogant than we should be. We both have a rather unhealthy lack of fear when it comes to many things. We are both intrigued by history. We are equally intrigued by Etymology, and languages in general, how they developed over time, their relationships to other languages past and present. We both have a goal(albeita silly one) of being able to speak 8,9, even 10 different languages fluently before we grow old.


Me and my mother, I dont know as much similarities. We are both pretty independant and free spirited, so to speak. We both have a lust for travel to many different places, being able to absorb the sights and the different cultures like a sponge. We both find it hard to stay in one place for very long. Both easily amused.


So yeah, I see some similarities, but hopefully I also have a lot of differences. I can put the past behind me, and I wish I could just have a good relationship with them. Apparently they have no such wishes, and I honestly doubt they ever will.


Most of my childhood was spent with relatives in several different places until I was old enough to go on my own.




 
Mesh Posted: Tue May 3 03:00:45 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I genericaly(right usage?) refer to one of my unkles as my father, and my grandmother as my mother.

Those are who I spent the most amount of time with altogether, and those are who were kindest and more like a mother and father to me. Even though I couldnt even speak my grandmothers language and she could hardly speak a language that I knew.


 
addi Posted: Tue May 3 07:10:51 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:


>So yeah, I see some similarities, but hopefully I also have a lot of differences. I can put the past behind me, and I wish I could just have a good relationship with them. Apparently they have no such wishes, and I honestly doubt they ever will.

Thanks for sharing all this, mesh. It makes me sad though that they don't make more of an effort to be in your life. I have such a hard time understanding that behavior

: (


 



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