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safe sex? yeah right
Cherry_Moon Posted: Mon May 2 21:32:30 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  okay anybody care to tell me how to go about this with a guy a really like. i know all of the methods of protection i don't need a lecture abt that. i just need to know whether at 17 i should be messing with this


 
ifihadahif Posted: Mon May 2 21:54:17 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Cherry_Moon said:
>okay anybody care to tell me how to go about this with a guy a really like. i know all of the methods of protection i don't need a lecture abt that. i just need to know whether at 17 i should be messing with this
>
17 has nothing to do with it.
How mature are you ? that's what it's all about, not years.
If you have to ask the question "should I be messing with this", then the answer is probably not.
When you're ready, you'll know it.
If you're not ready, you probably know that too, deep down you know.


 
addi Posted: Mon May 2 22:01:49 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Wish I could stay up for the responses on this one, Cherry, but, alas, I must go to my bed and practice safe sleep.

I'm sure Christophe will give you some very sound advice though : )


 
Mesh Posted: Mon May 2 22:04:38 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Well I think hif pretty much put it best. I could say pretty much the same thing he did, but that would be pointless.


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Mon May 2 22:09:46 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I think I'm asking whether i should mess with it from a an age stand point. i think i'm ready and i do have the right guy.


 
Howitzer Posted: Mon May 2 22:18:29 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hif definately has it right. Age is really of no consequence. I am not saying that you should go ahead, I am saying you need to look deeper than age. As hif put it, if you are asking that question, there is probably something deeper you need to look to for your answer.


 
andariel Posted: Mon May 2 22:43:14 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ok then if you're ready and you've got (what you think to be) the right guy but still have a doubt ask yourself this: "If something goes wrong and I get knocked up can I deal with it?" You're underage so your mum and dad WILL know even if you chose to abort. If you end up with child will the Guy help you support it? Or are you ok with killing the child? Are you strong enough to put it up for adoption?

I'm with the others on this; forget age, if you have to ask at all...


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Mon May 2 23:00:51 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  the guy would rather us not do anything at all if there was even a small chance i'd get pregnant. sure my parents like the guy and sure he's a college student heading to get his masters degree in nursing and sure he comes over and walks with me and holds my hand and talks with me for long hours about life and takes time to email me every morning/day. i guess i need to be careful abt whether he really is a good guy.


 
antartica Posted: Mon May 2 23:16:23 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  if you're not in bed by 11pm.... go home

like hif's said, if you can question it, then you are most prob ready

no form of commercial protection is 100%, not even the pill.... short of a vasectomy but i don't think that's an option given your age and all...

this reminds me of a story i was told before my pre-sea cohort was allowed off to sea. we were all rounded up into a lecture theatre and given a pep talk. and though we were all still in college, we were all headed out into the real world so it was all cards on the table.

the lecturer took out a coin from his pocket and told us that this was the safest form of protection (in our case, it wasn't getting pregnant, rather catching some sort of VD that has yet to be named), put it between his legs and clammped them shut effectively holding the coin together...

moral of the story - keep your legs closed to avoid anything you cannot afford...

if you cannot afford to pay, don't play


 
sweet p Posted: Mon May 2 23:42:35 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Cherry, this may not be any of my business but you have offerred most of the information anyway...

Is this the same guy you were talking about just a few days ago?
If yes - WHY?!
If no - Then why were you even concerned about the other dude if you had "the right one" all along?

Excuse me for stepping in, and for making assumptions.

But don't have sex because you are bored. Or because he would prefer it.

Most of all, the words "messing with" make me really uncomfortable for you. You are showing that you need help making the decision to go for it...and this is not the kind of decision that anyone should ever need help from anyone else to make. It's a personal choice to have sex and it comes naturally when you are ready to make it.

Hif and Ant offer you very good perspectives.


 
Posted: Mon May 2 23:44:35 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  you're going to sleep with a nurse?

Pffft.

It's a win-win situation. Even if you DO get pregnant, he's got the means to solve the problem.

eh? eh?

...tough crowd.


 
Aeon Posted: Mon May 2 23:57:52 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Cherry_Moon said:
>the guy would rather us not do anything at all if there was even a small chance i'd get pregnant. sure my parents like the guy and sure he's a college student heading to get his masters degree in nursing and sure he comes over and walks with me and holds my hand and talks with me for long hours about life and takes time to email me every morning/day. i guess i need to be careful abt whether he really is a good guy.

What?! You're 17 and this guy is in college heading for his master's. Either he is A) a huge loser or B) you are Heidi Klum and haven't told us. Yes. Look out for this guy. Seriously.


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Tue May 3 00:00:18 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Sweet P said:

>Is this the same guy you were talking about just a few days ago?

no

>If no - Then why were you even concerned about the other dude if you had "the right one" all along?

don't know

>But don't have sex because you are bored. Or because he would prefer it.

actually he wouldn't perfer it. i would



 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Tue May 3 00:06:08 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  the guy is two years older


 
antartica Posted: Tue May 3 00:09:06 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sex is just sex after all
it's who you do it with that makes the world of difference

be careful of what you wish for, you may just get it


 
FN Posted: Tue May 3 00:57:41 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Don't be a slut.


 
FN Posted: Tue May 3 01:16:52 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>A) a huge loser or B) you are Heidi Klum and haven't told us. Yes. Look out for this guy. Seriously.

I agree.

And him saying he's preferring not to? Let this be a lesson and remember it for as long as you live: those who don't even admit it are the sickest bastards around. Don't believe me, you'll find out sooner or later.

You clearly aren't ready for it. You're going way too lightly about this which tells me that you do not fully understand the possible consequences, let alone the immediate psychological consequences.

Where does this thing leave you if you're about to spread your legs for a guy that you clearly don't know that well (where the hell did he suddenly come from anyway, you were talking about some other guy like a week ago, what's up with that?) and if he's off to school you'll just have a guy who got off on you and you'll be left behind feeling left behind.

So nice of him that he'd make the sacrifice to fuck you. Give the guy a medal.

It's not "just sex". And it shouldn't be used to buy friendship, and it shouldn't be used because you're bored.


And correct me if I'm wrong, but a master degree is 4 years (here at least), so if he's 19 he can't possibly be going after his master degree already.


Read my previous post, and draw your conclusions. I'm serious by the way. And I hope you take offence in it.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Tue May 3 06:54:56 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  The right guy huh ?
What exactly is the right guy ?
After school when you all get on with your lives, almost no woman can tell you whatever happened to the first guy she slept with.
For most, the first time is all about you and not really the guy.
And that's ok, because the guy probably doesn't give a damn about you either.
If you think you love each other, just look at your posts from a few days ago.


 
addi Posted: Tue May 3 08:11:58 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i think a little perspective is warranted here, boys.

First of all, women can have their first sexual experience with a guy that they aren't head over heals in love with and survive the trauma. I believe it's a tad bit presumptuous to assume that only the male gender is biologically capable of enjoying sex for sex's sake.
I'm in no way condoning what Cherry may do, but I would bet there are plinkers right here on GT that had their first sexual intercourse with some guy they liked, and knew at the time they weren't going to marry the dude, and came out of the experience just fine and dandy....and a little wiser maybe too. Let's have a show of hands here for all the plinkers that ended up living happily ever after with the first guy they doinked....hmmm....i don't see too many hands up.

Seems to me, outside of being very safe about it, that the most important thing is considering what they want to come from the experience. Are Cherry's
expectations in synch with the guys? That's what can really "fuck up" the experience. If one of them is thinking "Woohoo, Sex!", and the other is thinking, "Woohoo, eternal love!" then somebody is going to get hurt.

I don't think intercourse should be taken lightly. Doing it with someone you love is to me the most intimate connection you can make with your partner's "soul". On the other hand, doing it with someone that you don't end up living with forever isn't going to necessarily scar you for life either.



 
beetlebum Posted: Tue May 3 08:37:01 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  If you have doubts, that's not a good sign. And whether a 17 year old should be "messing with this" is really up to you.

You've seem kinda topsy turvy about boys lately, which tells me that maybe it isn't such a good time right now. There's no rush... take the decision slow and easy.

However, if you really want to do it, have fun. Just make sure you've considered worst case scenarios and that you could handle them. If not, run for the hills! : )




 
FN Posted: Tue May 3 08:52:59 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Stuff like that somewhat pisses me off though. Sometimes I'm really wondering what's the use in not "abusing" every girl I have a chance to.

I'm getting sick and tired of wanting to have sex but restraining myself from it because I know I don't want to be in anything serious at the moment so I would just use the girls, and withstanding all the shit I have to hear about it for "not taking what I can get away with".

And then everywhere I turn I see and hear about, well, sluts.

I dunnow. No moral standards anymore it seems.

I'll tell you one thing though, I could never be together with somebody with those kind of standards, and I doubt any "serious" guy would give you a second look if he knew about it.



In the end you do whatever you like though, but don't expect people to respect you if you don't respect yourself.


 
addi Posted: Tue May 3 09:14:50 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:

>I'm getting sick and tired of wanting to have sex but restraining myself from it

LOL!
I'm sorry, Chris. I know you were being serious, but this just made me spit my coffee out my mouth.

>And then everywhere I turn I see and hear about, well, sluts.

(note: must move to Belgium)

Just make sure that you don't equate Cherry with being a slut if she chooses to do it with this guy. One time does not a slut make....as Yoda might say.

*and I always find it interesting about the double standard we put on girls.
Plonkers can basically go out and fuck anything that moves with little to no social consequences to face....but a girl does it just once and word spreads like wildfire that she's easy and a member of cumma slut gam sorority.





 
FN Posted: Tue May 3 11:32:48 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>I'm sorry, Chris. I know you were being serious, but this just made me spit my coffee out my mouth.

Lol. Yeah a lot of people have reacted in similar ways.

Then again, I might be an asshole to most people most of the time, but that doesn't mean I don't respect anything.

I do believe in chastity.

>Just make sure that you don't equate Cherry with being a slut if she chooses to do it with this guy. One time does not a slut make....as Yoda might say.

Yoda doesn't know what he's talking about.

>Plonkers can basically go out and fuck anything that moves with little to no social consequences to face....but a girl does it just once and word spreads like wildfire that she's easy and a member of cumma slut gam sorority.

Said it before, I'm saying it again, feel free to call me a sexist pig, but when it comes down to it, guys fuck and girls get fucked.


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Tue May 3 12:17:54 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:

>First of all, women can have their first sexual experience with a guy that they aren't head over heals in love with and survive the trauma. I believe it's a tad bit presumptuous to assume that only the male gender is biologically capable of enjoying sex for sex's sake.

thank you addi my sentiment exactly.


>Seems to me, outside of being very safe about it, that the most important thing is considering what they want to come from the experience. Are Cherry's
>expectations in synch with the guys? That's what can really "fuck up" the experience. If one of them is thinking "Woohoo, Sex!", and the other is thinking, "Woohoo, eternal love!" then somebody is going to get hurt.

i think we are both think "woohoo sex". at least i know i am.



 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Tue May 3 12:22:46 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:

>Just make sure that you don't equate Cherry with being a slut if she chooses to do it with this guy. One time does not a slut make....as Yoda might say.

yes, i don't want anybody thinking that at all. and yeah i've always been mixed up about guys. and yes he is only 19. he got a head start in college and is most of the way through it. some people can handle 6-8 classes a semseter. not i. but he is. i know that for a fact.

>*and I always find it interesting about the double standard we put on girls.
>Plonkers can basically go out and fuck anything that moves with little to no social consequences to face....but a girl does it just once and word spreads like wildfire that she's easy and a member of cumma slut gam sorority.

AMEN! I mean it'll be my first time and this guy is leaving in the fall and we both know this is only going to be a summer fling and i'm perfectly happy with it. i know all of the bad sides to the story.


 
FN Posted: Tue May 3 12:41:23 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hmm.

I don't think we can shorten the time here. Interesting.

Anyway, I'll think that you're a slut.

In fact, I'm even thinking it right now.

Not that you should care, or that I'll act different now, but I like people to know stuff like that.


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Tue May 3 12:44:21 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>Anyway, I'll think that you're a slut.

thank you i feel so honored


 
addi Posted: Tue May 3 12:46:04 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Cherry_Moon said:

>thank you addi

As Kira would say:

Oh Dear : (


*listen to your own heart, Cherry. It's relatively harmless to heed my advice on matters of politics, religion, and the evils of cilantro.
When it comes to sexual advice you should give more weight to the other plinkers here. Sexual passion still confuses the hell out of me.
: )


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Tue May 3 12:48:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>*listen to your own heart, Cherry. It's relatively harmless to heed my advice on matters of politics, religion, and the evils of cilantro.
>When it comes to sexual advice you should give more weight to the other plinkers here. Sexual passion still confuses the hell out of me.

well, i thank everybody for their advice you just said your piece of advice in the terms that i feel. i will take the other plinkers advice. i just felt a little defensive.


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Tue May 3 12:50:46 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

Woody Allen


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Tue May 3 12:56:24 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

Jack Handey
Deep Thoughts


 
sweet p Posted: Tue May 3 13:31:14 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Cherry_Moon said:

>AMEN! I mean it'll be my first time and this guy is leaving in the fall and we both know this is only going to be a summer fling and i'm perfectly happy with it. i know all of the bad sides to the story.


Whoa, Cherry...you are so confusing.

If everything is happy and great, then what was the problem to begin with? You know all the bad sides, you are perfectly happy, so what is it that you came here asking? Cos now I don't understand your question.

You think you're too young?

I dunno...

I feel as though you will only choose to do what you want to do anyway, so these words don't matter so much, but you obviously had your doubts about something and now they seemed to have disappeared...Maybe you didn't have any questions to begin with and coming here just made you feel bad about your decision? Or maybe you are still having doubts about something but are pretending not to?

Either way, take care of yourself.


 
FN Posted: Tue May 3 13:34:16 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  She won't do it anyway.

And even if they decided to go through with it, the guy probably wouldn't get it up, or it would be over with before the pants came off.

And Cherry, don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer.


 
kurohyou Posted: Tue May 3 13:58:25 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Not sure as though I should sound in on this but I will anyway.

These are a lot of assumptions and some severe leaps into the psyche and behavior of someone whom I don't know. So forgive me if I'm way off base and know it is not my intention to offend, but to offer my, oft times wacked, insight.

It almost seems like this is something that you really want to do, your reasons for wanting to do it are yours, and to an extent irrevelant. Beneath your words lies a strong desire to do this. In the back of your mind lies the consequences, the questions, the doubts about it.

While this opinion will differ from many here, I don't believe that sex is something to be taken lightly or played with. I'm not a fan of casual sex, never have been. Its not a game. It's an interaction which can harm the participants. Casual sex is not a game.

For me it has always been a comfort issue. Sex is one of the most intimate things you can share with another person, and I need to know that other person well before even considering embarking to that step. There are times in realationships where things get heated and in that thrilling moment you want it all. But patience has proved to be a very valuable tool for me, in all arenas of life, not just sex.

Try not to rush into something for the sake of rushing into it. Because on the other side are things which you may not be considering right now. The things which blindside us in this world are not the things we anticipate and forsee coming, they are the things that hit us from left field while we aren't looking.

Try to use your doubts as a guide for your actions. Your gut will tell you when something seems wrong, and it sounds to me like it is talking and you are trying to either not listen to it, or rationalize over the top of it.

Ultimatly, as we all know, the decision lies with you, and no one can tell you how you need to handle this.

My advise to you would be to be careful, no matter what you decide to do, and weigh your decisions carefully before making them.

Sorry if I happened to offend.

For what it's worth...


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Wed May 4 16:26:27 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  thank you for all of your advice. i did have unexpressed questions but i thank you for answering my expressed one and contrary to popular belief i do listen to advice. i've made up my mind on some things. but i do listen to advice.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Wed May 4 16:41:24 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Whatever you decide, I promise that 20yrs from now it will be a very insignificant spec in your past.
Don't sweat it.


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Wed May 4 17:05:45 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:
>Whatever you decide, I promise that 20yrs from now it will be a very insignificant spec in your past.
>Don't sweat it.

thanx ifih


 
FN Posted: Wed May 4 17:41:01 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  That I doubt, hif, if it's her first.


 
Ahriman Posted: Wed May 4 18:06:14 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  just do it - nike


 
Ed Posted: Thu Jun 30 19:54:34 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ahriman said:
>just do it - nike

...but only if your ready - Craig Kilborn


 



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