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the lamest joke you know
Posted: Sat May 21 04:03:04 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  well? fess up. what's the single lamest joke you know, or have used?

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: FSSSHHHH

(eyes = I's, get it? arrggghh...)


 
FN Posted: Sat May 21 06:20:56 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Q: It's red and circular, what is it?
A: A blue square


 
beetlebum Posted: Sat May 21 09:19:57 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  What green and smells like pork?

Kermit's finger.


 
DanSRose Posted: Sat May 21 10:20:48 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  What's a pirate's favorite letter?

ARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!


 
casper Posted: Sat May 21 10:26:43 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  two pretzels were walking thru a park. one was assaulted (a salted)


 
kurohyou Posted: Sat May 21 13:01:29 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  casper said:
>two pretzels were walking thru a park. one was assaulted (a salted)

I've heard that one with Peanuts also...

A string walks into a bar. The Bartender looks at him and says, "we don't serve strings in here," and throws him out. In the alley, the string ties him self into a not, and ruffles his ends. He walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him and scowls. "Hey aren't you a string." and the string replies, "'fraid not." (frayed knot)

wakaa wakaa wakaa...

*is jerked off stage right by that big hook*




 
Mark Posted: Sat May 21 14:10:14 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Do you know how a cow catches a hare?

She hides behind a flower and imitates the sound of a carrot.


 
laurie Posted: Sat May 21 18:16:15 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  How did the first monkey fall out the tree?
-He was dead
How did the second monkey fall out the tree?
-He was stapled to the first monkey.
How did the third monkey fall out the tree?
-He thought it was a game.

=) My favourite.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Sat May 21 21:04:32 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  A horse walks into a bar,
The bartender says "why the long face" ?


 
Aeon Posted: Sun May 22 01:04:35 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  you


 
Aeon Posted: Mon May 23 02:42:06 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Oh my god... I think I've killed this thread... No! Dammit! LIVE! TAKE ME, GOD! TAKE ME!


 
choke Posted: Mon May 23 02:47:57 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>Oh my god... I think I've killed this thread... No! Dammit! LIVE! TAKE ME, GOD! TAKE ME!

*begins CPR*

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.


 
misszero Posted: Mon May 23 04:52:01 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  why did the boy fall off the skateboard?

because he was a fish


 
Ed Posted: Mon May 23 08:18:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?


The Holocaust


 
mat_j Posted: Mon May 23 09:57:01 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him in the face with an axe

Two sausages are in a frying pan one turns to the other and says
"Gee it's hot in here!"
To which the other replies
"Fucking hell a talking sausage."

Egg and a sausage in a frying pan, the egg turns to the sausage and says
"Phew, it's hot in here isn't it."
The sausage turns to him and says
"I'm not talking to you, you're a fucking egg."

What's white, smiles all the time and has a moustache?
Freddie Mercury's corpse




 
FN Posted: Mon May 23 10:25:18 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I've posted them before, but if anything that makes them even more lame, so here are they again





What's grey and kills you when you get it in your eye?

A jumbo jet


What's yellow and eats rocks

A yellow rock eater


What's blue and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool

A dead baby


It's green and drives through the desert, but it's not a tank, what is it,

a tank


What does Hitler say when he wants to drive his tank

I want to drive my tank


what's white and walks through the desert

a herd of yoghurt


what's grey and walks through the desert

the same herd of yoghurt a week later


What's an arab/african in a trashcan?

An egotistical bastard, you can fit 2 in there


what's a trashcan with an antenna on it

Radio Morocco


What's the difference between an arab guy and an arab girl

The guy doesn't have a moustache before the age of 12


What's a jew with a cannister of zyklon B on his back

a dealer


 
Mesh Posted: Mon May 23 13:08:20 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  A bar customer asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a Swede joke. The bartender pointed to a large man at the end of the bar and said, ``He's Swedish.'' Then the bartender pointed to a burly policeman near the door and repeated, ``He's Swedish.'' The bartender finished, ``Now think about whether you want to tell that joke, because I'm Swedish, too.''
The customer replied, ``I guess I won't tell that joke after all. I'd have to explain it three times.''


A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm.
- "Where did you find that monkey?" asked the Norwegian.
- "It happens to be a duck." claimed the Swede.
- "Shut up, Swede! I am talking to the duck."




 
Mesh Posted: Mon May 23 13:20:15 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I like my women like I like my coffee.
tied up in a sack and thrown over the back of a burro?




 
Posted: Mon May 23 16:58:35 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:
>I like my women like I like my coffee.
> tied up in a sack and thrown over the back of a burro?


or, ground up and in my freezer.


 
beetlebum Posted: Mon May 23 17:31:45 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Q: How do you confuse an asshat?
A: 32



 
cookies&cream Posted: Mon May 23 21:03:29 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  this is the only pick up line i know, and as far as i know, am the first one to ever say it, since i made it myself (as far as i know).

girl: are you related to a rock? Cuz you look awfully hard to me!

guy: :D


 
Aeon Posted: Mon May 23 22:31:30 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  cookies said:
>this is the only pick up line i know, and as far as i know, am the first one to ever say it, since i made it myself (as far as i know).
>
>girl: are you related to a rock? Cuz you look awfully hard to me!
>
>guy: :D

That made me more flaccid than watching two old men wrestle.


 
iggy Posted: Tue May 24 01:06:02 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>cookies said:
>>this is the only pick up line i know, and as far as i know, am the first one to ever say it, since i made it myself (as far as i know).
>>
>>girl: are you related to a rock? Cuz you look awfully hard to me!
>>
>>guy: :D
>
>That made me more flaccid than watching two old men wrestle.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA




 
ifihadahif Posted: Tue May 24 11:38:48 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  What's Irish and stays out all night ?

answer: Paddy O'furniture



 
suckitupsally Posted: Tue May 24 21:32:10 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  A plate of bacon and eggs walks into a bar. They sit down and the bartender says "Sorry we don't serve breakfast here"


 
cookies&cream Posted: Fri May 27 14:45:06 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Aeon said:
>cookies said:
>>this is the only pick up line i know, and as far as i know, am the first one to ever say it, since i made it myself (as far as i know).
>>
>>girl: are you related to a rock? Cuz you look awfully hard to me!
>>
>>guy: :D
>
>That made me more flaccid than watching two old men wrestle.

your flaccidity and impotence is not my problem. maybe you should take some viagra. that way you can keep your sex drive and lose your eyesight at the same time. then you wouldn't have to deal with being annoyed by me. nice thought, isn't it?


 
Aeon Posted: Fri May 27 21:47:19 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Best thought i've seen all day. Technically, though, flaccidity and impotence are the same thing and to be honest I don't have a problem with impotence... just really stupid pick up lines that people actually take credit for coming up with. That's what makes me flaccid.


 
Mesh Posted: Tue May 31 03:08:28 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............."




Hahaha, thats precious.


 



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