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How to be a chav(for a girl)
Mesh Posted: Fri Jun 3 00:35:00 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Are you a young lady and would like to be a Chav, Ned, Kev, Charver, Steek, Spide, Bazza, Yarco, Ratboy, Kappa Slapper, Skanger, Scutter, Janner, Stig, Scallie, or Hood Rat. Here is where to start.

Being a chav can be rewarding and fun, heres how you start.
Now i may be wrong but your are female right?
First step find a couple of young lads who are well into street crime. Tag along as they gang up on kids younger than them and laugh loudly as they attack them without reason, egg them on to stab or mame their victim and enjoy watching them stamp on the kid's head and ribs causing internal bleeding and brain damage. Once your 'friends' have ensured that their victim in need of medical attention and looking forward to a life of disability or emotional problems treat your newfound friends to a blow job or a shag. Now if you are lucky you can take the next step to chavdom by picking up some STD's. SHould there be no-one around weaker than you or your friends why not just break a bus shelter to pieces or scratch someone's car (preferablt disabled so theres no chance of you getting confronted.) take a moment to reflect on the clothes and stuff they wont be able to buy for their children as they spend their money to make their car road legal again. Afterwards treat your buddies to a 'spitroast'.
Once your ready to move up a rung go out with some of your chavette buddies and find a kindly old lady on pension day, knock her to the floor and break her hip and give her a few kicks, great thing is elderly peoples bones break well easy and the bruise nicely too. Once youve deformed her face enough so her grandchildren wont recognise her take her pittance of a pension, she wont be needing it anyway as she's gonna be in hospital for a few months on drip. Isn't it fun being a chav?
Next find a group of lads and tell them all about your adventure inbetween dishing out blowjobs to Kev and all his mates in tha back of his Nova.
You asked in another post how to get a 'kru' well it's simple for girls, just find a group of lads and let them use you like a sack of shit every night. You'll get all the 'respect' and attention you could hope for, well until the next slag comes along or you get pregnant.
Hope you enjoy your new life and don't spoil your fun by sparing a though to the lives you have spoilt along the way. Forget the old lady in hospital with her grandchildren crying around her. Forget the promising young student who is to scared to go to school, now he will lead an unforfilling life just like you instead of moving ahead. WHo cares about the rest of the people in your town who pick up the bill for the damage you do, to pay for the medical care needed by your victims and to feed your bastards even though the're struggling to makes end meet, I mean you the only person in the world who counts. And if you ever meet someone who looks at you with distain it's only because the're jealous of you and your STDs and your fulfilling lives, nothing to do with there granny being in hospital or waking up one morning to find the wheels on their car missing.


I didnt write that, but its funny and true. I really, really hate chavs and people like them in other countries.


All you Brits, sound off about chavs. Hate them? Love them? Dont give one damn?




 
Asswipe Posted: Fri Jun 3 03:03:45 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  never heard the expression "chav" before. what's it short for?


 
beetlebum Posted: Fri Jun 3 03:04:17 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I don't hate them or love them; mostly they just block the entrance to McDonald's and their track suits oftentimes offend my fashion sensibilities.

You forgot (or whomever wrote this forgot), though, that a female chav *must* have her hair slicked back in the shiniest, greasiest pony tail EVER, and she must be wearing enormous gold hoop earrings. She will oftentimes screech to her other friends, "What you gettin' on about?". Finally, she must wearing one piece of Burberry-- only an accessory, because even a fake one is all she can afford. This usually means that she is wearing either socks or a scarf. She'd wear a hat, but then it'd become extremely greasy, ruining it. So she can't.




 
beetlebum Posted: Fri Jun 3 03:06:34 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Asswipe said:
>never heard the expression "chav" before. what's it short for?

I have no idea. Wikipedia seems to think it comes from so roman phrase, but I'm more likely to believe that it has to do with where the people come from. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav


 
Mesh Posted: Fri Jun 3 04:09:15 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  beetlebum said:
>Asswipe said:
>>never heard the expression "chav" before. what's it short for?
>
>I have no idea. Wikipedia seems to think it comes from so roman phrase, but I'm more likely to believe that it has to do with where the people come from. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav

Does that article mention Happy Slappings. I have seen so many videos of this shit, it pisses me off. Groups of five or more assaulting people who are alone, for no reason at all other than they think its funny and cool and makes them "hard". I've even seen some where they hit young women and elderly people and then laugh it up with their buddies. I never see one of them doing it to someone who looks like they may actually be able and willing to do something about it.


 
mat_j Posted: Fri Jun 3 05:43:11 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Remeber Brad Pitts character in Snatch. He's whqat we'd call a Pikey, Chav is short for Chavo which is a Pikey word for brother.


And that's the end of that chapter


 
Mesh Posted: Fri Jun 3 06:14:36 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Do as ye likey Pikey.


 
JesusOnline Posted: Fri Jun 3 06:17:05 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  The term Chav has never really taken off in scotland.
We'd tend to use NED - Non-educated delinquent


 
mat_j Posted: Fri Jun 3 06:41:09 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  JesusOnline said:
>The term Chav has never really taken off in scotland.
>We'd tend to use NED - Non-educated delinquent

Yeah it's only recently taken off in Wales, we used to call them Chills and Muckas


I did a ned test online once and my name came out as Swedger, not bad i thought, i'm off to swedge some midgets as we speak


 
Asswipe Posted: Fri Jun 3 14:27:56 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  in the states, we call these type "white trash"... seems the most unoriginal out of mesh's posts list.

fucking brits


 



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