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Ahriman Posted: Sun Jun 5 15:37:06 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Recently somebody died in my school. She got t-boned by a garbage truck as she sped through a stop sign. I was sitting in Sociology discussing it with somebody I know when I said "I really didn't know her, I know she was popular and a cheerleader." When I was verbally attacked by a girl listening in on my conversation. I replied that I know it is a difficult time but there are those of us who have suffered many deaths throughout their lives and just sitting in silence in going to help anyone. I also remarked about my friend who hung himself just a short while ago. I also brought up how if she cares so much about death I would love to tell her about the 350,000 people dead in Sudan right now. Now that girl has spread a thousand rumors that I was saying things like "she was only popular because she was a cheerleader" or "she was probably drinking when she was driving". Just complete random lies. I am now being insulted by people behind my back, and suffering all sorts of completely childish behavior. What am I supposed to do?


 
Beep Posted: Sun Jun 5 15:47:42 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i would try to clear your name to those who will listen. to those who don't i would say they weren't worth your time worrying about. you know what you said, if they can't handle your opinions then that's their bad, not yours. i wouldn't let it get you down, just keep being yourself and the good will recognise who you are, the rest aren't worth bothering about.


 
Silentmind Posted: Sun Jun 5 15:49:12 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Thats the funny thing. When someone dies in a school or such, we should all show some concern, but in reality, if we never knew the person, how much sympathy can we show? The funny thing is, she'll probably be portrayed as an angel {whether she was one, or not} with no bad sides. Fact is, she ran the stop sign. Drunk or not, it was her own fault.

I guess you know what you meant by the comments. Try and make that known. Simply stating that that was all you knew of her isn't a crime. Unfortunatly, the grief associated with such an event can cloud rational thought. Be as understanding as you can be. Even state that it may have been a misunderstanding.


 
Ahriman Posted: Sun Jun 5 15:53:08 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I've been attempting to clarify, but many just won't talk to me. The people that know me have walked up to me and asked for what I really said.


 
addi Posted: Sun Jun 5 16:29:24 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  This won't sound very encouraging, but there isn't much you can do about people talking behind your back. People that really know who you are will give you the benefit of the doubt and give you an opportunity to explain your comments. Others that know who you are, but don't really know you will believe what they want to about you. It's the seemy side of human nature in people that revels in believing hearsay and rumors about someone else if it's negative.
Grin and bear it for the time being. When people that are truely interested in hearing your side of the story approach you tell them, but don't go running around approaching every tom, dick, and harry trying to exhonorate yourself. It will backfire on you.
As time goes by the short attention span principal will take affect, and the people spreading bad things about you will discover some new bit of nasty gossip about someone else and you'll be yesterdays news.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Sun Jun 5 16:58:14 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  fuck em, in 50 or 60 years we'll all be dead (20 or 30 for me and addie) anyway.
Life is way too short to try to deal with imbeciles and your real friends will know what you did or didn't say.


 
kurohyou Posted: Sun Jun 5 17:44:28 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>This won't sound very encouraging, but there isn't much you can do about people talking behind your back. People that really know who you are will give you the benefit of the doubt and give you an opportunity to explain your comments. Others that know who you are, but don't really know you will believe what they want to about you. It's the seemy side of human nature in people that revels in believing hearsay and rumors about someone else if it's negative.
>Grin and bear it for the time being. When people that are truely interested in hearing your side of the story approach you tell them, but don't go running around approaching every tom, dick, and harry trying to exhonorate yourself. It will backfire on you.
>As time goes by the short attention span principal will take affect, and the people spreading bad things about you will discover some new bit of nasty gossip about someone else and you'll be yesterdays news.

I agree w/ Addi. Unforchunatly you have a lot working against you. First you have the fact that there was a death of someone who a lot of people apparently knew, and anytime something like that happens, there is a lot of emotion surrounding the situation. Emotionally charged situations are difficult to deal with. Had you been speaking of someone who no one in your school knew then the reaction would not have been as it was. But you've got proxmity to the situation, and a lot of hurt and a fair amount of anger as well I'm guessing.

Let it ride its course. It can't last forever, and it won't. I know I've probably said this before, but there is a Buddhist, or Taoist saying that no storm can last forever, even the greatest of storms will blow themselves out. This storm you are esperienceing will also blow itself out in time.

In the mean time try not to be mad at those who are slandering you. More often than its not about, but about them not being able to express how they feel. You are an easy target right now, sad, but true. Understand that those around you are hurting and don't take it personally.

Again, as Addi said, if they come to you and want a clarification, give them one. I fear that attempting to "clear your name" will only lead to further agnst from your classmates, as well as increased frustration on your part when you can't make them understand what you were trying to say.

Hang in there.

For what it's worth...


 
FN Posted: Sun Jun 5 17:45:55 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I know exactly what you're going through man.

I get into situations like that on a weekly basis. Seriously. Most people just can't handle pragmatism.


 
FN Posted: Sun Jun 5 17:53:53 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Oh yeah, and addi is right, there isn't really anything you can do about it, if you try and "redeem" yourself, you'll only make it worse.

Experience tells me that after a while people (the interesting ones at least, I'm not talking about people with half a brain that can't handle a normal discussion) come to appreciate you for saying what you think, even if it goes in against the majority.

It also pays to have more friends than they do, usually that keeps a lot of the no-brainers at bay too.


 
Ed Posted: Sun Jun 5 22:09:40 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  The best part of this story was that it started in a sociology class.


 
DanSRose Posted: Mon Jun 6 00:40:29 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ed said:
>The best part of this story was that it started in a sociology class.

Yeah. Yeah...

Most people are stupid, and when trauma and tragedy hit, they _need_ an answer to feed them, no matter to the other sides or issues. They need an answer to convince themself that they are okay, and to fuck with everything/one else.
So don't fret over it. And fret about those who are making a deal over it. By the next class, most people won't remember the things you didn't say. Addi and kurohyou hit it on the head.


 



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