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The Good Advice Thread
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Jun 10 09:04:04 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Never fry bacon when you're naked.


 
addi Posted: Fri Jun 10 09:16:21 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  lol
ouch!

Never say to your wife,
"May I have a little privacy, please? I'm on the phone with my girlfriend."


 
FN Posted: Fri Jun 10 09:19:50 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Never turn your back to an angry midget.



Don't ask.


 
FN Posted: Fri Jun 10 09:21:50 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  If your girlfriend asks you if she looks good in those clothes, don't answer.







Although I have found a way around this; you have to act like you're actually interested and make her do a little turn and stuff so you can see her from the back and all, like you aren't actually thinking "leave me alone", and then tell her that she has great taste and looks absolutely stunning.

The things a man lowers himself to to get some head.


 
DanSRose Posted: Fri Jun 10 15:18:01 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  1- Pouring coffee/tea in your lap is never a good way to test its temperature. (a) Scalding sucks. (b) Your cup is empty.

2- Slap the man who says (it's always a man), "What's the worst that can happen?"

3- A plane will take you there faster. In a car, you can get out and stretch and talk to strangers. But in a train you can think and rest at the same time.

4- Trust one person with your sadness and weakness(es), or you'll crack.


 
FN Posted: Fri Jun 10 18:13:17 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I do not agree with the last one. What's the use.

It's supposed to be good advise.


 
DanSRose Posted: Fri Jun 10 23:23:34 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Because, otherwise you're going to crack. It doesn't matter how strong you think you are now. You have to trust someone in your life, and trust is only the _most_ basic requirement for love.
Because there are things coming that you cannot plan for, and people need people.


 
Kira Posted: Fri Jun 10 23:51:57 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Define 'crack.'


 
Aeon Posted: Sat Jun 11 05:14:59 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Kira said:
>Define 'crack.'

Cocaine mixed with baking soda


 
addi Posted: Sat Jun 11 09:42:22 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Kira said:
>Define 'crack.'

When Ralf the plumber came over to work on the clogged kitchen pipes and bent over, exposing half his butt.


 
Bzoso Posted: Sat Jun 11 17:00:22 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Don't be an idiot.


 
innocenceNonus Posted: Sat Jun 11 19:34:26 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Don't seduce younger men you have no intention of being with.

Dont' fall in love with a jerk.


 
Mesh Posted: Sun Jun 12 06:17:49 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Tom Cruise has used his Scientologist Dark Magic to cast a spell over Katie Holmes and put her under his complete control.


Please, dont let this happen to YOUR loved ones.


Dirty Scientology.


 
laurie Posted: Sun Jun 12 12:04:51 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hope is important. Alot can change in a day.

Don't have races or dance in moving train carriages.

And, three double espressos are not a meal replacement...


 
Ed Posted: Sun Jun 12 13:35:11 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  laurie said:
>And, three double espressos are not a meal replacement...

Right. Have a muffin or something as well.



"Mom, don't stick a butter knife in the VCR. It won't fix it. After what you did, I HAVE to use one to get the back cover off my cell phone."


 
JesusOnline Posted: Sun Jun 12 14:19:35 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:
>Never fry bacon when you're naked.

I'd stress not frying food at all when naked. It can never be a painless experience.

Don't let DR Pepper seduce you, bad things do happen.


 
cookies&cream Posted: Sun Jun 12 15:02:23 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  DanSRose said:
> You have to trust someone in your life, and trust is only the _most_ basic requirement for love.
>Because there are things coming that you cannot plan for, and people need people.


word.


 
cookies&cream Posted: Sun Jun 12 15:10:05 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  never grab an electric fence.

never tie yourself to an animal that's bigger than you.

crying is good, when it is needed.

if you get into an argument with someone, resolve it. the damage might be greater if you ignore it.

never wear plaid, stripes, or polka dots at the same time.

if your computer crashes, kick it.

scream for 30 seconds if you're angry, stressed, or tense. works best if you scream as loud as possible.

when things don't go your way, remember that the earth (sun, solar system, w/e) does not revolve around you.

eat all your vegetables. otherwise they might stink up the fridge.

don't leave the cookie in the milk too long, or a piece will fall off and sink to the bottom.

when in desperation for a bathroom when there's not one around, find a tree or bush and pop a squat. in accordance with this, always carry a roll of toilet paper with you in case of such emergencies.


 
Mesh Posted: Sun Jun 12 15:18:25 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  cookies said:
>
>if you get into an argument with someone, resolve it. the damage might be greater if you ignore it.
>


A-fucking-men to that.


 
boondock743 Posted: Sun Jun 12 18:26:33 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  save a tree, eat a beaver

conserve water, shower with a friend

badgers are fluffy and love to cuddle

don't ride a bike when u have hemeroids

you should always go to other people's funerals or else they won't go to yours

90% of the game is half mental




 
Ed Posted: Sun Jun 12 19:12:59 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  boondock743 said:
>save a tree, eat a beaver

"save a tree; wipe your ass with an owl"
Or, of course, "save a plant; eat a cow"

>conserve water, shower with a friend

I'll take that advice.


 
cookies&cream Posted: Tue Jun 14 13:52:14 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ed said:
>>"save a tree; wipe your ass with an owl"


"Um, excuse me miss, you have a feather stuck to your ass. Mind if i get it for you?"


 
Ed Posted: Tue Jun 14 15:16:35 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  You'll want a pair of pliers.


 
cookies&cream Posted: Tue Jun 14 17:34:50 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ed said:
>You'll want a pair of pliers.


Oh, my!


 
Mesh Posted: Wed Jun 15 09:04:20 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:
>Tom Cruise has used his Scientologist Dark Magic to cast a spell over Katie Holmes and put her under his complete control.
>
>
>


I wasnt kidding.


http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/3amcontent/tm_objectid=15631560&method=full&siteid=94762&headline=cruise-controller-name_page.html


 
Nikki Posted: Wed Jun 15 12:58:33 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  "GO FUCK YOURSELVES !"

ahahahahahahahahahahahah


 
Mesh Posted: Wed Jun 15 13:04:51 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Nikki said:
>"GO FUCK YOURSELVES !"
>
>


Thats good advice, but comes a bit late.


 



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