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Should I resort to violence?
choke Posted: Thu Jul 28 04:05:59 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  My little sister is taller than me (not hard) and has turned into a bully. I understand she's at a difficult time (adolescence) and her hormones are probably running amok, but she doesn't get angry. She's always laughing. But she's always cruel.

At dinner she threatened us with poison. She intimidates me, jumps out of doorways screaming, shoves and picks fights, and generally lets us know she wants to hurt us. Her and I both know that one day we are going to get beyond the basics and really go all out, but I don't trust the amount of unstability in her and am worried I could be hospitilized :P

I've just started getting along better with my mother and older sister, so maybe it could be jealousy and a feeling of being left out, but I can't fathom how cold and cruel she has become. I want to help her, I can try to understand her, but sometimes I feel all she needs is a good beating.

So.. Passive approach or do I meet the challenge she offers?


 
choke Posted: Thu Jul 28 04:09:19 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Another thing.. I've never been picked on before, at all. I've always risen to a challenge and gotten it out of the way, so I have no idea how to deal with this..


 
addi Posted: Thu Jul 28 07:14:08 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  augh! What a sticky wicket!
When subjects like this come up it's so hard to know what kind of advice to give based solely on a couple paragraphs of info.
So based on what little I have to go on, Tiff, I'd say if it comes to physical blows you need to be mentally prepared to defend yourself. Hopefully it wouldn't though. Don't attempt to settle this by being the aggresser yourself...if she takes it to that point then you have every right to defend yourself, but make it her decision to go that far, and not yours.
From what I know of you you are crafty and intelligent, and nobody's fool. As they say on Survivor, "Outwit, Outlast, and Outplay" her. It's easy for me to believe that you have the upper hand on her in that category. Keep in mind that you leave for Chicago soon so the situation will automatically diffuse itself by your leaving the country. The last thing you need is for things to escalate to the point of someone going to the hospital right before you leave.

Hopefully by the time you return your sis will have passed through this ugly stage, matured a bit, and will come to see you as the non-threatening, loving, beautiful sister that you really are.
Good luck!


 
Dancer Posted: Thu Jul 28 23:15:27 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i advocate a passive approach. try getting her little things to please her. she's younger than you, she deserves to be pampered a little. have you ever try buying her something she likes? let her know that as an older sis, you really care for her, and i think fighting is really not an option to solve anything. who knows,.. one may get addicted to fighting and turn violent in nature.


 
Ed Posted: Thu Jul 28 23:25:34 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I knew a guy whose adopted brother was freakin' insane and would threaten their family with kitchen knives and things. ...I don't suppose that that's a good thing to mention, since I considered getting a knife to get my cousins out of my bedroom, earlier.

If you take the rough route, do so with a good idea in mind. Think of it as showing her that you CAN kick her ass...but only if you're sure that you can. Maybe, knock her down on her stomach and sit on her back until she gets tired of struggling. Or maybe sneak up behind her and hold a butter knife to her throat.


 
FN Posted: Fri Jul 29 05:46:50 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Dancer said:
>try getting her little things to please her.

Yeah, that's a really good aproach, if you're a whore that's out to sell her dignity and soul.

I say show her who's boss and beat the shit out of her, then afterwards tell her it had to be done and that you didn't like it but you just can't allow her to act like an ass.


 
beetlebum Posted: Fri Jul 29 06:51:31 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>Dancer said:
>>try getting her little things to please her.
>
>Yeah, that's a really good aproach, if you're a whore that's out to sell her dignity and soul.

LOL. True.

But I wouldn't recommend beating the shit out of her, either. My sister was the most annoying human being ever until she reached the age of 16; I think it was mostly due to hormones and general insecurities being unleashed at home instead of at school. Of course, she was simply bitchy verbally; but my wit was quicker than hers, as were my insults, so it wasn't a big deal. If she had started weilding knives or threatening us with violence/injury/death, my parents would've gotten involved immediately. I'd say be patient, don't feed her anger with nasty words, and try and include her in things. If that fails, IGNORE HER.

If you do beat her up, it'll work to your disadvantage because you will get into trouble unless your parents favour some kind of gladiator match to resolve the problem, in which case, start training now. But girls deal differently with violence than boys do... If someone had beaten the shit out of me when I was thirteen (i.e. my older brother, kid at school), I would've fought like a dog and I was broody enough that I would've mulled over it for months, planning a terrible revenge. You don't want to be asking for that, either.

I don't mean to criticize your parents, but can you/have you talked to them about it? If she's that woah-psycho, they should be getting involved on your behalf or something. Even if it is more bark than bite, she sounds a tad disturbed.


 
addi Posted: Fri Jul 29 08:00:48 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Dancer said:
>i advocate a passive approach. try getting her little things to please her.


Christophe said:
>I say show her who's boss and beat the shit out of her

Plonkers and Plinkers
Never the Twain Shall Meet
: )


 
DanSRose Posted: Fri Jul 29 13:00:36 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Don't use physical violence until she is becoming a danger to herself or someone else. That will only provoke and antagonize her.
If she's acting, what I like to call, "bat-shit insane" by doing something physically reckless/negligent, physically restrain her in her room until she calm down, but you have to be in there with her.
Also take her to see a doctor of the psychiatrist type. ASAP


 
Kira Posted: Fri Jul 29 13:45:01 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Sock her one for me.


 
Ahriman Posted: Fri Jul 29 14:21:22 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  In Kenpo, we are taught moves that go beyond overkill. We are taught to disarm, disembowel(knife techniques), discard, destroy, etc. The fighting is fast paced and highly aggressive. The last move I learned was called "Securing the Storm". It's a defense against a right club attack. By the end of the move, the attacker has a broken hand, arm, rib, jaw, nose, knee, and is knocked out cold. Last time I got into a fight, I put the person in a sleeper and set them down. Just because you have to resort to physical violence doesn't mean you need to send someone to a hospital. I know what I can do, but 99% is last resort.


 
FN Posted: Fri Jul 29 15:30:09 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  That's all jolly sweet ahriman, but 1 kick in the nuts and you're going down.

Fighting is good, fighting dirty is better.


 
addi Posted: Fri Jul 29 16:13:30 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>That's all jolly sweet ahriman, but 1 kick in the nuts and you're going down.

But plinkers don't have to worry about that...the ones I know don't have balls...figurativly speaking, I guess some do, but not literally.

>Fighting is good, fighting nude is better.


 
Zacq Posted: Fri Jul 29 21:58:00 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>That's all jolly sweet ahriman, but 1 kick in the nuts and you're going down.

Block with the thigh.

From someone who just dealt with ten to twelve-year-olds from Philadelphia, being violent towards violent people is rarely a good idea (even if your sis is older than them). If you can't find any common interests, avoiding her when possible should probably keep her from hurting you.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Sat Jul 30 09:55:41 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  This problem could be solved so easily with a roll of duct tape.


 
Zacq Posted: Sat Jul 30 18:05:28 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  filthy mcnasty said:
>This problem could be solved so easily with a roll of duct tape.

Well that's implied, given that every problem could be solved so easily with a roll of duct tape.


 
kurohyou Posted: Sun Jul 31 19:04:20 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Coming into this fray late I fear, but thought I'd drop some thoughts.

I agree with most of what everyone has said with regards to the passive, non-aggressive approach to this situation.

Should the situation become violent, then by all means you should defend yourself from the attack. However, becoming the aggressor, as Addi said, would not be my suggested course of action either.

I personally subscribe to Aikido as my martial art of choice, though I do not formally study anywhere yet. Aikido, just for some background information, is a defensive form of martial art, there are no attacks in Aikido. The idea behind it is to subdue your attacker, quickly, efficiently and to do so in a manner which causes the least amount of damage to the attacker. This is accomplised by using the attacker's own energy against them, redirecting it in a safe direction. In its physical form this manifests itself in some magnificent throws and other maneuvers which leave your attacker flaying out of control in their misguided attempts to attack you.

Now the aspect of Aikido which you may find interesting is not so much in the physical art, given that it is one of the harder martial arts to learn, but rather in its alternate applications.

In a number of Aikido moves, you and your attacker end up facing the same direction, because you don't try to stop his energy, but simply redirect it. Lenoard (Can't remember his last name right now) wrote a book called The Way of Aikido. In that book he described what he called "verbal Aikido." Which was Something he began doing in arguements, and verbal confrontations. More often than not when a person comes at you in a verbally aggressive manner, they are feeling insecure, or attacked themselves. He described his interactions where, instead of countering the persons point with his counter point immediatly, he first acknowledeged their point, validating it and thus, "blending" their attack and getting them both facing the same direction. He said it was amazing to see how much aggression dissipated once the person's point of view was validated, and how much smoother the conversation went.

Now your sister does sound like a handful,and I'm not implying that you should try to talk your way out of a situation if and when it does become physically violent. And not knowing any more about your situation its hard to offer any form of decent advice. I simply offer the above as an alternative way of looking at things. I hope that everything works out and that things don't escalate to a violent confrontation between the two of you.

For what it's worth...




 
kurohyou Posted: Sun Jul 31 19:05:53 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  filthy mcnasty said:
>This problem could be solved so easily with a roll of duct tape.

In Theatre and TV we use Gaffer's tape, similar to Duct Tape. A little easier to rip but does one hell of a job waxing arms and legs when ripped off. It also comes in a wide variety of colors including bright yellow and flourscent pink.

Not that it matters...


 
Ahriman Posted: Tue Aug 2 07:00:05 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>That's all jolly sweet ahriman, but 1 kick in the nuts and you're going down.
>
>Fighting is good, fighting dirty is better.

That is solved by stance, check out the AKKI sometime and you would understand.


 



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