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DanSRose Posted: Wed Sep 14 20:52:35 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I just learned that my first girlfriend, the girl who broke my heart has just gotten engaged.
I'm still processing this, but the feeling in my gut is not a good one. I mean, kudos to her. But, goddam, this isn't anywhere near of what I want. I mean for me; all ego here. I'm stuck, in the room, in the house, in the neighborhood, where I grew up, with no job, no foreseeable future, no way and no where to move.
And then I hear (reliable source) that the girl who in a way scarred me/made me wake up (so that's good) has all of her life together.

I had to compose myself. sorry
I know I'm going to get the "well get your act together, coward" answer, but whatever. That's a useless bullshit answer that's not telling you anything at all. Having your math teacher write the answer on the board without showing you how the math works.
How the fuck do you it? Stay composed and keep going and make yourself ... into something?
I don't even know what I want. I want what the girl who broke my heart has.


 
FN Posted: Wed Sep 14 21:58:33 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Meh. It'll pass.

This is where an egotistical/cynical/apathetic character comes in handy.

Just chill and get your act together, like you said.

I'm not going to downplay the girl getting engaged and stuff, first love related things suck ass and whatever anybody says about it you'll have to get over that one on your own, but look at it this way:

I wouldn't break my head over "what could have been" if you stayed with this girl, if that's any part of what's going through your head right now. You might have been a daddy by now if you guys stayed together. Or somebody might have died because of domestic troubles.

What if you'd have turned out to be a wife beater, or one day you came home and she was doing the milkman.

And on another note, I wouldn't mind growing up/living in the same area unless you really dislike it. I doubt that I'll ever have my "primary residence" if you will outside of Flanders, which isn't that big of an area at all. I don't get why people feel like they have to move somewhere else thinking things will be better there, while the people who grew up in "the other place" think the same and want to get away from the place you're going to as well. What's the point?

I always ask people like you where they think they should be going, usually a big city is the answer. So then you're there. And then what. I still don't get it. I'm perfectly happy in my tree-lined street with pretty houses, within reach of some big cities, but without the hassle, trouble, and general annoyance they bring along. And you can keep your city appartment.

Unless you plan on living in space. That would be cool and reckless due to safety hazards.

So we continue. Unless you're in school, I suggest you try and not to be a slacker and get a job. I'm no expert on this but I'm pretty sure it'll work wonders for your self-esteem and perhaps you can have some lateral lovin' with the sexy secretary on the copy machine.

Why don't you get a job?

Experience tells me that it really is just all about the attitude man. If you feel like a loser chances are you'll be one. If you feel like you're the alpha male around your parts and act like it, chances are you'll be just that or get close to it.

It's ok that you're in a dip for a moment, but it shouldn't last more than a day or 2, 3 at most before you realise the insignificance of it all. Nothing matters, apathy is bliss. Which isn't the same as ignorance or denying the facts, just to be clear about that.

If you're really that desperate to get together with somebody and settle down, then do that if you truly believe that's what will make you happy. In 5 to 10 years you'll be back at the start, but this time with a lot of other crap attatched to you that you hardly can get away from.

Is it your life's goal and wish to wake up to a fat old woman in 40 years? Imagine the sewer-breath in the morning before she puts in her fake teeth.



Anyway, perhaps some final words; I don't know the girl at all, but I doubt she is as happy as you think she is, or that she has it going for herself like you think she has.

I'm always suspicious of people who think they're the ones who make the sun shine brighter than it normally would due to their immeasurable happiness. I just don't buy it.

True, she might be happy now, or think she is, since she's engaged.

And then zoom out a little and think, how long will this state of euphoria last according to you?

I'm seeing major depression ahead for her.

She'll soon end up married, with kids, some kind of carreer, and then the seemingly eternal drag will begin as there are few to no goals yet to achieve as she settles into mediocrity.

If that isn't a recipe for impending disaster I don't know what is.

I wouldn't envy her too much. I wouldn't envy anybody as a matter of fact.

Don't compare yourself and the success of your life *too* much to the perception you have of other people's lives. Chances are none of them are as happy as you think they are.

And if they truly are, that's nice for them, but it won't last, just like now you're feeling bad after somewhere in the past you've felt like you were on top of the world.

But rest assured, nobody is as happy as you seem to think they are, and it certainly won't last, so there's no point in craving it.



In short, here's my advice; grow some balls and an ego and you'll have less of a hard time rationalising things.

Get the idea out of your head that looking at other people in order to find out how you should organise your life will make you any happier. Fuck that.

Constantly evaluate your life and If you're not happy with someaspect of it, change it. I don't really see what the fuss is about.


But hey, what do I know, right.


 
Zacq Posted: Wed Sep 14 22:32:00 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>What if you'd have turned out to be a wife beater, or one day you came home and she was doing the milkman.

I wish we still had milkmen around here - I hate when someone has to go some just before dinner.


 
DanSRose Posted: Thu Sep 15 02:32:21 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  That was the most bullshit answer and I expected that.
Whatever.
I'll be honest: I have no idea how to "organize [my] life" or change it or blah blah blah blah. It's like watching Dr. Fathead Phil or Mr. Self-Help with the plastic surgery smile or reading that stupid Cheese book (I had to; it was a required reading). Of couse I know 'what to do'. Everyone knows 'what to do'. That's an obvious thing.
How the fuck to do it? That was the question I posed to the great GT community at large, since I do trust you people with that question

I haven't spoken with her in 4 years. It's not about her. It's about her in my head, and my head seeing this archetype getting the things I want.

>This is where an egotistical/cynical/apathetic character comes in handy.
I laughed that. That was funny, like an inside joke or a running gag. Almost as much as 'lateral lovin''

About a job: I've been trying and trying since about July. Archaeology labs didn't need anyone, security/fingerprinting places that I applied to (starting at the end of August to monday) haven't gotten back to me, an old Anthro professor who said he'd help flaked out (wasn't expecting much anyway), I applied for this teach-in-a-crappy-school thing program in NY but got rejected on the second round because I got nervous and did everything speech-wise I knew I wasn't supposed to do. And I'm stopping with that.
I'm far from giving up. I was just pissed. I learned it, freaked out, and started a thread. the end.
A good friend, who's just as honest as you, Christophe, wants me to come to Florida and apply for a high school teaching gig (they need teachers in the South). That's what she's doing now. The pay is good in Kissamee (where Disney World is) and local apartments are cheap.

Anyway, the girl had issues. I---shhh-uuueeesss. But damn, she was smart (and a great kisser with a fine ass too; for you C.)

And I still have my writing, which will keep more than afloat. Hopefully in all ways. My pen? "From my cold dead hands"


 
addi Posted: Thu Sep 15 07:00:14 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Dan, what happened to coming to Savannah? Am I confused, or did you say a while back that you were moving here?


 
DanSRose Posted: Thu Sep 15 09:37:13 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Apartments are too fucking expensive. I'm still looking though.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Thu Sep 15 12:03:31 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  DanSRose said:
>Apartments are too fucking expensive. I'm still looking though.
>
Aw c'mon, if you're moving to Georgia, you HAVE to live in a rented trailer, at least for a little while.
You know, for that true southern experience.


 
DanSRose Posted: Thu Sep 15 12:14:14 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ha!
My family just got over a, what I'm calling, a 'white-trash experience', complete with a 'baby's mama'. My cousin is calling her brother "Captain Fuck-Up", but then she's always called him that.
Trailers are skeevy and itchy, like bugs and fleas and millipedes are waiting to chew on you. Most RVs too, except that awesome one from Meet the Fockers. I'll live in that.


 



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