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GT Tabloid Headlines!
addi Posted: Fri Sep 16 09:58:43 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  It's all true. Believe it or not!


Inebriated Canadian Scientist Arrested for Smashing A Guy Named Adam!

Adam Johnson was walking home from the local convenience market when he was suddenly confronted by an unknown woman in a white karate uniform around midnight. He told police afterwards that he could smell alcohol on her breath, “White wine spritzer I think”, and he continued, “ I still had my name tag on from work, and when I walked past her she looked at it and just freaked out on me like a rabid animal!”.


Citizen Claims There is Intelligent Life at the White House!
“It’s a very primal and simple single celled organism, but it’s life nonetheless”, Mr. Ifihadahif claims. “The primitive vocal chords make any coherent speech patterns difficult to decipher, but I swear I've heard monosyllable sounds from it”, which may explain the past confusion on whether it’s in fact a sentient life form, or merely a glob of phlegm. Evolutionary scientists remain sceptical, but Intellgent Design theorists are backing his claim as indisputable truth.


Female Oxford College Student Deported When Authorities Discover She’s American!
Dean of Admissions, Denise Huxley, admitted it was quite an oversight on her part for failing to notice that the college had inadvertently accepted an American as a student on the hallowed grounds of Oxford, but assured alarmed English citizens that steps had already been taken to make sure this kind of mix up never happens again. At a news conference she said, “Ms. Beetlebum slipped through our defenses because she had an uncanny ability to sound just like ‘Sporty’ from the Spice Girls. In fact if it had not been for a past co-worker named Ed anonymously calling our alien hotline she may still have been here unnoticed, spreading that crass and vulgar American culture into our sacred English traditions.” Miss. Beetlebum was escorted to Heathrow where security officials wished her a safe flight home and told her “no hard feelings”.

Local Makes it Big in Hollywood!

Colorado Resident Kurohyou (Native American name meaning “For what’s it’s Worth”) was chosen to play a leading role in the upcoming film “Police Academy Thirteen”. When interviewed on E Channel by Joan Rivers Kuro stated that “it isn’t as good as being a real cop, but at least I get to costar with O.J. Simpson, and do a nude scene with Priscilla Presley…not that it matters.”


Belgian Teen Charged With Polygamy!

Gabi Zeitzer thought she was living the ideal life, with the ideal husband until she discovered that he was not the husband she thought he was. “This detective comes up to me and informs me that he was hired by this Heidi woman to follow Christophe around because she had found brunette hair on his boxers.” So far the police have determined that he is illegally married to twelve different women in nine different countries, but authorities expect that number to be higher once the investigation is completed. Christophe’s lawyer read a written statement by the defendant to the media, which included the statement, “I would do it all over again if I could. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and having oral sex with different woman every week rocked!”


Male Porn Star Extra “CrimShot” Gets Pregnant!
“I did a scene with Misty Thighs last month where fluids were exchanged. It was all quite innocent, he said. “But then about four weeks after that I was putting on my Calvin Klein jeans and I noticed I had a hell of a time zipping them up. I didn’t give it all that much thought until the following week when I noticed that I was getting unusual cravings for pickles…and my nipples were extra sensitive”.

*must actually do work now. Would prefer to do more GTers
: (

jennemmer Posted: Fri Sep 16 10:43:43 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Oh my... laughing so hard it hurts...

Thanks Addi.

Mark Posted: Fri Sep 16 11:05:14 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>Would prefer to do more GTers
You dirty old man!! :p

great stories though :)

beetlebum Posted: Fri Sep 16 11:32:11 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  LOL! You hit the nail on the head...

ifihadahif Posted: Fri Sep 16 11:36:51 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ouch ! mother-fucker that hurts !

Posted: Fri Sep 16 12:58:54 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Oi! Babies scare me way too much.

Then again, if it were a porn-extra/porn-extra's child, we could probably make a killing on the black market.

kurohyou Posted: Fri Sep 16 14:23:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  LOL!!! You read right into my deepest dreams on that one.

The perfect friday pick me up, and appropriate considering that I'm testing for a police department today.


Not that it matters...

addi Posted: Fri Sep 16 15:27:24 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I was standing in line at the grocery store and read a few more tabloid headlines. It's really amazing how many GTers are in the news these days...really quite amazing...remarkable really


Singapore Native Suspected of Terrorist Sympathies

The U.S. is seeking to extradite a Singaporean suspected of having terrorist ties to anti-American extremist groups. Under the Privacy Act many of the details are being witheld due to national security issues. When questioned at a $2,000 a plate fund raiser by a foreign reporter Donald Rumsfeld would only say, "Look, all we want to do is ask the young man a few questions at our tropical interrogation facility in Guantanamo Bay. All I can say is that he runs a web site with the word 'terrorist' in it, and he's do the math."


Woman is Abducted by Aliens

A scantily clad woman filed a police report claiming she had been abducted by aliens last Thursday night. When the captain on duty sarcastically asked her if she'd like to press charges against the aliens she reportedly replied, "Yes, not because they abducted me, but because they refused to probe me."


Giant Penguin Flees From Scene

An unknown individual dressed in a penguin costume was seen at the corner of Fifth and Elm Street exhibiting strange behavior. According to several eye wittness accounts the giant penguin would stand there very casually and when someone walked by it would thrust its flipper out and trip them, and then pretend he didn't do it. Alice Wagner told the police that the penguin tripped her and she scraped her knee pretty bad on the sidewalk. When the police arrived at the scene the penguin ran away screaming, "kekekekekekeke" and dissapeared into a back street. The local Veterans of Foreign Wars Chapter has offered a reward for any information leading to the identity of the tripping penguin.

novemberrain Posted: Fri Sep 16 17:17:12 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  

oh mercy

we are ~so~ not worthy, general.

*reports of my demise/disappearance have been greatly exaggerated

Silentmind Posted: Fri Sep 16 21:53:08 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Thanks for the laugh Addi. Always top-notch.

choke Posted: Sat Sep 17 00:59:09 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  :D Brilliant

Dancer Posted: Sat Sep 17 01:28:53 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  LOL... funnie.. i'm still laughing at meshie's one..the thought of him in a penguin suit..


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