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Letting go?
Ed Posted: Fri Sep 30 22:56:04 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
About a year ago, I met this girl, Shawna, in one of my classes. We got to talking and we got to be pretty interested in each other. After maybe a few days of knowing her, she had a friend of hers, Marsha, ask me if I wanted to go to the Homecoming Dance with the Shawna. I considered it and accepted. We hung around each other as much as two people in a new platonic relationship would (before school, at lunch, between classes...). I got to be really liking this girl, but I'm no dancer, so I didn't dance much at the dance. I always let her have the slow dances though. There was one that stands out, but I can't remember the song because I wasn't really listening. Something just happened: it was very subtle body language, but it was obvious to us. She kind of moved toward me a little bit, so I met her at the halfway point and our arms just...went around the other. At some point, Marsha came up to me and asked if I was interested in Shawna. I couldn't deny that we had chemistry, so I told her. When I was dropping her off, we had a moment there where we just stood in her driveway and looked at the stars. Somewhere in that, she said that she was told that I liked her, then she asked if it was true, so I verified it and she said that she was interested in me also. She gave me multiple opportunities to have a goodnight kiss, but I was shy (still am!) and inexperienced (I had dated only two girls before her), so I just sort of shrugged it off and gave her a hug instead. I'd bet $10 that I was glowing all the way home.

We had been e-mailing each other alot, before the dance, so I had to check my inbox, the morning after the dance. In one of the emails that she had sent me, she asked me out (in a formal and comical fashion), so I quickly replied. When Monday morning came around, we were a couple. I think it was a couple weeks later, we finally had time to go on a date. I was still living about 20 miles out of the town where we went to school together, but she was from my area, so she knew what was there. I think that was the day that I got my car stuck in a ditch for a few minutes. (I had been taking her home, after school and there's this curve on the way to her house and it was just so tempting to try to swerve around, but I lost control and ended up in the ditch until I found that I could back up to a point where it wasn't so deep.) We got some Captain D's and went skating, down the street, at a rink that the schools, in that city, would sort of rent for a night, each month. Her birthday was coming up, so we went to the mall. We were down south of Kansas City and I didn't know much about the highways in the area yet, so I had to cut through the areas that I DID know. We went up north and got to a theater barely before they started The Forgotten. When I took her home, we had our first kiss. I don't know what was wrong with it, but it was just wild and crazy. We kind of laughed at it and called it a test kiss, then we did it right.

In December, she had a trip that she had to go on, for the school band. I got up early and drove for a half-hour to get to the school to see her and give her a few mix discs that I had made for her, the night before. Also, we had been talking about...delineating our feelings for each other in what we referred to as, "The Note," so I sat in my car and finished mine then ran into the school and gave it to her.

Last July, she went on a trip with her grandmother and her uncle, for ten days. the longer we were together, naturally, the less we wanted to be apart. They were supposed to be leaving at 7am, so I got up around 5am, drove the half-hour to Kansas City (as I was now living near my school). I had made four or five more mix discs for her. More specifically, I made sort of packages for her. I had 8 envelopes: I put a tissue in two of them (one had the scent of my aftershave and the other had the scent of the cologne that the got for me; both we scents that she liked and associated with me.). In two others, there were pictures of me. The other four were cds. I wrote numbers on the envelopes and gave her directions to open one each day (a scent, then a cd, then a pic, then a cd, then another scent, yadda yadda yadda). But, even more significant, I asked her to marry me, the night before she left, and, naturally, she said, "yes," with very much enthusiasm.

Just before this school year started, we fixed our schedules so we would have classes together (English and Creative Writing). I don't know what happened, but she just started acting weird sometimes. I would attribute this to hormones, but it was way too common. Through most of class, she'd just tear into me about any little thing that she could give me shit about. After we left the class, she'd apologize and cuddle up against me and I'd forgive her. It just kept going on and on like this; sometimes when I would try to defend myself, she'd get pissed off at me for it even though I wasn't doing ANYTHING wrong. We were fine until we got to class together or to lunch. At the beginning of last week, she just didn't seem very happy and in the back of my mind, there were hints that I was the cause. She just seemed distant. Then, on Thursday, she gives me a note which inferred that she wanted to take a break from me. That night, she sent me a text message:

"Know that for the entire duration of our time together that I loved you; that I was loyal. Remember all those good times we shared and all the fun we had. I hope that you don't hate me for the mean things I've done. I hope you keep all I've given you so that you can look back on us and smile. I truly wish we could remain friends despite all of this. I also think that we should trade back all of the things that are each others. I'm sorry for hurting you like this."

We were together for ten days short of a year and she breaks up with me in a text message. She said, in her own words, in another text message, that I was smothering her and keeping her from hanging around with her old friends because I was clingy and needy. Yeah, so I'm a little needy and clingy, but after almost a year, I'd think that it would be allowed. In probably 15 text messages (big +300-character ones) between the two of us, she said that people can't change their personality, only their attitude, but that she still loved me and that someday we might get back together after we both grow up a little bit (I'd like to call that a contradiction in that "growing up" is a way of changing). Despite my begging, she wouldn't try anything to stay together. Somehow, we ended up deciding to just be friends. Today was ok, being just friends (I actually kind of liked it, but only when she was there with me. If I was alone, with my mind wandering, I couldn't bear the situation); I could handle it, but she acted strangely whenever we were alone. We're still going to the Homecoming Dance tomorrow (I like that irony). I think that I'm going to try to drag her into a conversation about us.

I love this girl and I'd do anything for her, but I don't know how to stay sane or happy through it. We gave each other back the others class ring. I wanted so much to make her take if from my neck, out of spite, or just not give it to her, but I couldn't do it, so I tried to make peace. I gave her hers and I took back mine. I kept the chain that I wore hers on; it's wrapped around my wrist. My ring feels so strange being on my finger; I think that I gave it to her in December, so I haven't worn it since then.

I'm torn about what I want to do about all this. I...
1. am mad at her for killing the part of me that kept me happy for so long.
1.1 want to see her suffer for what she did to me..
2. still want to make her happy and be everything that she'll let me be for her.
2.1 want to respect her decision and still let her be my best friend.
2.2 want her to give me a second chance and let me try to be perfect for her, or at least as perfect as we once were. This is the option that I can't stop wanting.

I don't know what to do about this. If you see this line, thanks for reading all that. Any advice or comments beyond Christophe's usual bit? ;)


 
Ed Posted: Fri Sep 30 23:07:46 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  For some reason, I've been trying not to make this hard on her. For example, I stopped trying to ask her to take me back or telling her how much I love her. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up...


 
choke Posted: Fri Sep 30 23:56:42 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Beast out at her now, while it's still relevant. If you remain friends, one day she'll do something small and every negative feeling toward her will come out and you'll finally give in to your anger and stuff and shock you both. Don't drag it out. Get it over with, and get over it. Otherwise it'll bring you back down later.


 
beetlebum Posted: Sat Oct 1 04:02:38 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Doesn't she read GT? She's been here before posting I thought...


 
Ed Posted: Sat Oct 1 07:33:20 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Beast out at her now, while it's still relevant. If you remain friends, one day she'll do something small and every negative feeling toward her will come out and you'll finally give in to your anger and stuff and shock you both. Don't drag it out. Get it over with, and get over it. Otherwise it'll bring you back down later.

I'm not sure what you're saying, but I don't bottle up my emotions. They fade over time, if they aren't renewed. I always half-expect to freak out and injure someone anyway. Bring me back down LATER? I'm already about as far down as I can handle getting! If I need to blow up at her, yeah, I'll do it soon, while it's still relevant.


 
Ed Posted: Sat Oct 1 07:38:02 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  beetlebum said:
>Doesn't she read GT? She's been here before posting I thought...

Probably not for a while. I'd just like to point out that a person's personality is reflected in different ways when communicating in different fashions, such as telephone, face-to-face conversation, IMs, etc. This is just something I've observed and it probably doesn't even apply to most people.


 
beetlebum Posted: Sat Oct 1 08:27:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ed said:
>beetlebum said:
>>Doesn't she read GT? She's been here before posting I thought...
>
>Probably not for a while. I'd just like to point out that a person's personality is reflected in different ways when communicating in different fashions, such as telephone, face-to-face conversation, IMs, etc. This is just something I've observed and it probably doesn't even apply to most people.

You've completely lost me on this... I was just wondering with LazyElephant/Cookies still stopped by and hence read your post.

Hang in there. I know you don't want to hear Christophe's advice, but in matters of love, he may give you the swift kick in the pants that you need. :D

In any case, I wish I were wiser/more wise(?). Good luck.


 
Ed Posted: Sat Oct 1 09:19:03 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  beetlebum said:
>You've completely lost me on this... I was just wondering with LazyElephant/Cookies still stopped by and hence read your post.

I'll tell her that it's here and leave the decision, of whether or not to read it up, to her.

>Hang in there. I know you don't want to hear Christophe's advice, but in matters of love, he may give you the swift kick in the pants that you need. :D
perhaps...
>Good luck.
Thank you, and choke too.



 
ifihadahif Posted: Sat Oct 1 09:27:08 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Welcome to one of the first rites of manhood.
Every young man gets his heart broken by a beautiful scheming bitch.
It's a normal feeling to want to hurt her, but the best thing is to just let it go. Make sure she knows that you are just fine without her and that will be a fine revenge.
It will also make you more attractive to other women. And there will be other women.
Pretty soon, you won't want to hurt her anymore, she will become part of your history and one reasons you become who you are.
Of course I understand none of this advice will ease the pain you are feeling now, know that it will go away, and probably quicker than you think.



 
choke Posted: Sat Oct 1 11:50:13 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hey.. That's not fair. Every young woman gets her heart broken by a beautiful scheming bitch too..


 
FN Posted: Sat Oct 1 12:48:55 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I haven't read the other comments yet, and you mentioned that you weren't looking forward to my usual view on stuff like this, but rest assured my friend, up to this point I still have to come across the first situation where I've been wrong about a similar case. And I'll be damned if I'm wrong about this one.


First of all, what the fuck are you doing asking that girl to marry you after you haven't been together for even a year yet and you're both still in school.

The way in which the relationship came into existence (via other friends asking, my 15 year old brother is beyond that) only proves the fact that the both of you wouldn't be ready to get into something semi-serious by a long shot. No offence.

I also don't see the point of adjusting your education to any relationship. 1: it's just stupid, and 2: when the relationship ends you're stuck with eachother in the same classes.

Can I also say that I find it a tad rainman/hannibal lecter-ish of you to give a girl letters that smell like you. Why not send her a slice of your brain with a nice bottle of chianti. Or if you really want to live up to your kinky reputation a sample of your semen so she can remember the taste or inseminate herself to make a mini-you if she feels lonely, god forbid. What's up with that man.

I don't know, but from the little I've read here you indeed seemed to smother her and act a little clingy/needy. The clingy part I could live with, the needy part is something else. Get over that, seriously, or you'll keep ending up into similar self-destructive relationships untill the day they put you 6 feet under.

You loved her more than she loved you, it seems, which resulted in her not respecting you and cutting you off in a text message.

I don't but the "I want to take a break" crap, excuse me if that offends you. She thinks she can improves herself by getting it on with some other guy, I'm 85% certain of that, so if you want to hurt yourself, look for guys swarming around her or a larger than usual amount of text messages that she seems to be recieving.

And about your little list:

1. it's pretty sad if you didn't have much left besides this girl. I hope it's just an overreaction in the moment.
1.1 I don't get it. She wanted out, so she got out, what would you want her to do? Let you have your way with her while she doesn't want it?
2. Don't be such a knob, man. Get some self-respect.
2.1 it won't happen. You'll probably be too hurt/jealous to be able to stand being around her for at least another half year or something, after which it will still be awkward if you talk to eachother. Also, she doesn't want to stay friends, that's just something you say to be nice. She knows just as well that it won't happen.
2.2 same answer as 2. Don't be such a love-whore, or you'll be treated like one. point proven already.



I'd say get over it and be happy that she didn't cheat on you but had the decency to break up first. Although I wouldn't be too surprised if she has in fact cheated on you, it's a bit dodgy that she mentions loyalty in a 300 character text message when breaking up because of the both of you still having to do some growing up.

Be serious man, she wants to perhaps give it another try when you both grow up, so when? In 10 years or what? You've been dumped and you're only making it worse for yourself by wallowing in self-pity. Better luck next time, and then don't act like a tool that only lives to please. Women (at least the ones I've been with) want a guy who they can admire, not a slave.

Anyway, you probably won't (want to) believe anything I've just said, so you'll just keep bugging her for a while, untill one of you really gets tired of it and you won't talk to eachother anymore and the uncomfortable ignoring thing will kick in during your common classes.


But hey, what do I know, right.




PS: if this was your first *serious* (from your point of view at least) relationship, I'll cut you some slack and will just leave it at: we've all been there, not necessarily on the recieving end of the stick, but in an ending/ended first serious relationship, and we all know it hurts like hell, but as with everything, you'll get over it and probably sooner than you think unless you don't get your act together and get on your feet again, with a few lessons learned. If you don't, you'll be fucked for the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself and looking for similar types of women who turn you into their bitch, like this one did.


 
FN Posted: Sat Oct 1 13:16:03 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  beetlebum said:
>Hang in there. I know you don't want to hear Christophe's advice, but in matters of love, he may give you the swift kick in the pants that you need. :D

Haha

>In any case, I wish I were wiser/more wise(?). Good luck.

That's what I'm here for, babe.


 
addi Posted: Sat Oct 1 14:16:13 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  My thoughts..

1. I went through something like this back in high school. Support and an empathetic ear from sincere friends helps get you through the worst, but when it comes down to it nothing can really take away the serious hurt you're feeling right now except time...and, it really sucks, but you can't speed up time. Mending a broken heart is like trying to come back after open heart surgury. You can't speed up the healing process, but you can keep it from taking more time than necessary by doing the right things. Stay as positive as possible. Believe in your self worth as a person. Understand that it's not the end of the world (that millions of others have survived the same thing). Stay as active as possible. Too much free time to think slows down the healing process.

2. He may not have put it very tactfully, but much of what Christophe said is right. The truth can be a bitter pill to swallow in matters of the heart.

3. Hif was right about this being a part of the painful rites of manhood. It sucks, but it happens and sometime in the future you'll look back and see things more clearly. You'll come out of this a bit wiser. Making future relationships lasting and more successful can only happen if you apply the hard lessons you've learned through previous failed relationships and avoid the same mistakes (that..and a little luck).

4. It's extremely difficult to go against passion. What you feel at the moment seems to drive your every thought and action. People make some of the biggest mistakes of their lives while under the spell of "love". You're still young (don't cha hate it when older people say that to you!). It's too early to settle down with one lifelong partner. Enjoy the good, and the not so good, that goes with exploring female relationships during this time of your life. Sooner than you know you'll find your soul mate, and that will bring it's own set of wonderful and painful things into your life. Don't rush things now.

5. Last and most importantly...BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. No one is immune to feelings of rejection...from homely geeky nerds to the rich, powerful, and beautiful. It's a human condition that afflicts us all. Focus on the good things you have to offer girls. An attitude of confidence goes a long way to make up for our shortcomings. I'm not advocating arrogance, but merely giving off an arura that says, "I'm Ed...I'm humble, but any woman that gets into a relationship with me is one lucky plinker!"

: )


 
kurohyou Posted: Sun Oct 2 02:09:45 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  In reading your post I couldn't help but be thrown back into the nostlagia about my first break up. Which bore a number of striking resemblences to the story which you shared.

I was devastated when my first girlfriend broke up with me, despite the fact that our relationship was much shorter than yours was. Mine was maybe 4 months and then was comprised of another year or so of on-again-off-again games, and plots by myself to get her back. None of which succeeded. My world was over-that is what I thought. I had invested a large part of me in this girl, more than I should have in retrospect, and she, like your girl, told me that I was too clingy, and that my fits of depression were not fun to be around. Retrospect is a funny thing, because now I can see that she was right, though at the time it tore me in two and was one of the worse hurts of my life. Second only to my dad leaving.

Recovery is a slow road. I think in a number of ways it has to be. There is no way to rush the process, and if there was we would probably be worse off in the long run, when the wounds we thought were healed, rip open again at the slightest injury.

Know that it is okay to hurt. Hurting is natural, and it doesn't mean that you are weak. It means that you are alive and that you are a functioning human being--that is a big deal. If you were able to shrug this off and let it go quickly I'd be concerned that you were emotionally deadened to the world around. Its okay to hurt...and trust me it will probably hurt for a while yet.

Your first will always have a place in your heart. Mine has at least. I don't see her anymore really. Had to work with her at the same company about 4 years ago. Its amazing, how five years after all of the crap happened, how nervous I was walking into the building and seeing her. It was as if I was back in high school, walking into the weightroom, getting ready to ask her out. Its amazing how quickly our minds will take us back to places which we thought we had outgrown. And even then, on the last day that we worked together, that old pain of high school shot back through me when she gave me a hug and told me to take care of myself. But for all the pain, we survive. We find a way to survive.

In re-reading your post I feel your pain even deeper than before, yet I won't spend time telling you how you will be stronger in the long run, and how, many years from now, you'll be fine. Nor will I tell you that how you are feeling is wrong, because it isn't. You are in the midst of some deep suffering, words of a wonderful future will do nothing to ease what is happening to you now. But my advise to you is this:

Be patient with yourself. Be patient with her as you try to understand her reasons, but be patient with yourself most of all.

Try not to make any sweeping resolutions, they'll more than likely be broken.

As Addi said, try to find something to occupy yourself. In the first few weeks it will be hard, know that its okay. Be patient, take things a day at a time. Don't beat yourself up over having a bad day.

I'd try to limit your contact with her, for a while at least. This is where you are now, seek some distance on it. With that distance, perspective will come as well. The future is not written, so its impossible to say where you may be. Perhaps, as she says, your futures may lie together, perhaps they won't, its impossible to say, but can be painful to speculate on.

I hope you noticed that I said "try" in all my advice. I say this because as you go through this, you will have good days and you will have bad days. You will have days when you feel good, and you will have days when you can't get her out of your mind. You will have days when the ache in your chest and throat are all that you can see and will feel like there is a block behind your eyes inhibiting you from thinking. These things happen. As I said before. Patience is the key, as well as confidence. Patience to wait out the pain as it heals, and confidence that you will make it through.

You are not alone my friend. In a sad sort of way you've now joined a brotherhood, and we all know what you are feeling.

My apologies if this was ranting an incoherent. My e-mail address is floating around this site somewhere. Feel free to write me if you just need to vent. Though I'm sure no one here would mind if you vented here some more.

Hang in there friend. Stay safe.

For what it's worth...


 
kurohyou Posted: Sun Oct 2 02:13:08 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I just re-read Addi's thread and realize I probably should have just said "ditto" to his comments.

:)

Oh well...

For what it's worth...


 
addi Posted: Sun Oct 2 07:55:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  kurohyou said:
>I just re-read Addi's thread and realize I probably should have just said "ditto" to his comments.

: )
Actually you put it down much better than I was able to..which didn't surprise me. I think you're a good source for wisdom and comfort on matters of the heart, Kuro.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Sun Oct 2 08:53:02 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>3. Hif was right
>
Ok, who are you and what have you done with Addi ?


 
addi Posted: Sun Oct 2 09:20:56 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:

>Ok, who are you and what have you done with Addi ?

Mahwuhahaha! I ATE him...and he was quite tastey too...almost as good as a delicious bass.



*sorry, hif. I'll try not to let that happen again. It's not good to tinker with the delicate balance of the cosmos

: )


 
Mesh Posted: Sun Oct 2 09:32:27 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>
>*sorry, hif. I'll try not to let that happen again. It's not good to tinker with the delicate balance of the cosmos
>
>: )


Its ok, the universe is a hologram on a flat surface composed entirely of information. Energy and matter are just incidentals.


 
cookies&cream Posted: Mon Oct 3 11:49:22 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ed said:
>
>
> I...
>1. am mad at her for killing the part of me that kept me happy for so long.

sincerest apologies...really.

>1.1 want to see her suffer for what she did to me..

you think i'm not?

>2. still want to make her happy and be everything that she'll let me be for her.

:)

>2.1 want to respect her decision and still let her be my best friend.

i think we've discussed the whole "let's be friends" thing, and i do want to be friends, and i am NOT saying it ONLY to be nice. >:p

>2.2 want her to give me a second chance and let me try to be perfect for her, or at least as perfect as we once were. This is the option that I can't stop wanting.

this is the option i'm most undecided on...(if that makes sense, grammatically).


What choke said: let'r rip. be mad. get pissed at me, if you must, you must, & no hard feelings.

indeed beetlebum...

so now i have earned the title of "beautiful scheming bitch". wonderful. and yes, we do get our hearts broken too...thanks choke.

christophe said: the clingy part i could live with, the needy part is something else. (i agree with this statement in a general sense. i'll not go into specifics, i don't have the energy right now).

christophe said: you loved her more than she loved you, it seems, which resulted in her not respecting you and cutting you off in a text message. (this i'm having trouble with. it's not a matter of i loved him less, nor did i love him more than he loved me; i believe we loved each other equally, even though there isn't a way to measure that for proof. i DID and DO respect him, which is why i chose this route. i only would have hurt him ten times more if i'd stayed with him and be irritated. if this is not clear, re-read the part in Dave's post about me "tearing in" to him. ok, so ending it through a text message wasn't the smartest thing to do, but (call me what you will) i was too damn scared to talk to him on the phone at the moment, and there was not much point in not talking to him at all and making him freak out over not knowing what's going on. i'm not going to hide in a corner just because i feel like shit for something i've done.)

christophe said: She thinks she can improves herself by getting it on with some other guy, I'm 85% certain of that, so if you want to hurt yourself, look for guys swarming around her or a larger than usual amount of text messages that she seems to be recieving. (this is bullshit. first of all, i've just gotten out of this relationship with Dave, and i'm emotionally unstable, so tell me WHY would i go off with some dude not even a day after we've split? i might be a bitch for treating him like this and putting him thru hell, but i'm not so stupid or undignified as to slap him in the face with a new relationship, or by even fooling around with another guy. i didn't do this to "improve" myself, i did it so i can be myself, uninhibited. >:P i don't have guys "swarming" around me, and the only text messages i'm getting are from Dave himself, so back off.)

christophe said: I'd say get over it and be happy that she didn't cheat on you but had the decency to break up first. Although I wouldn't be too surprised if she has in fact cheated on you, it's a bit dodgy that she mentions loyalty in a 300 character text message when breaking up because of the both of you still having to do some growing up. (*sigh* i didn't cheat on him. i had no reason to. i didn't want to. i didn't break up with him so that i could be with someone else. exactly how much of a bitch do you people take me for? so now i'm a beautiful and dodgy scheming bitch who broke your heart. i'm sorry; what more do you want me to say? christophe, its times like these that i think you're an ass.)

To Dave: follow hif's and kuro's advice, they know what they're talkin bout. not that you shouldn't listen to anyone else.






 
addi Posted: Mon Oct 3 13:08:07 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  One of the many lessons to be learned from this:

Do not get romantically involved with another regular GTer.


 
cookies&cream Posted: Mon Oct 3 13:38:00 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>One of the many lessons to be learned from this:
>
>Do not get romantically involved with another regular GTer.


blah!


 
Mesh Posted: Mon Oct 3 13:38:14 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>One of the many lessons to be learned from this:
>
>Do not get romantically involved with another regular GTer.


Oh NOW you tell me.


 
addi Posted: Mon Oct 3 13:41:39 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:

>Oh NOW you tell me.

I keep telling you mesh..I just want to be friends..that's all.


: )


 
Ed Posted: Mon Oct 3 13:46:02 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Thanks for all your comments. And I laughed quite a bit when I read Chris's bit. I should have welcomed it, but I also should have written that story more carefully because of him.

I think I'm feeling pretty stable. Distance would have hurt more, which was why I kept away from that, especially since we have classes together.


 
addi Posted: Mon Oct 3 13:52:29 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ed said:

>I think I'm feeling pretty stable.

: )

I hope it stays that way for you.


 
Ed Posted: Mon Oct 3 14:03:02 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  me too, addi.


 
FN Posted: Mon Oct 3 15:42:26 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  cookies said:
>ok, so ending it through a text message wasn't the smartest thing to do, but (call me what you will) i was too damn scared to talk to him on the phone at the moment, and there was not much point in not talking to him at all and making him freak out over not knowing what's going on. i'm not going to hide in a corner just because i feel like shit for something i've done.)
>

Meh, whatever excuse you want to attach to it, breaking up in a text message shows a general lack of respect and decency. I don't expect you to crawl into a corner or whatever, I just don't like people bullshitting me, themselves, or anybody else, which is what you're doing.

>i didn't do this to "improve" myself, i did it so i can be myself, uninhibited. >:P i don't have guys "swarming" around me, and the only text messages i'm getting are from Dave himself, so back off.)
>

Perhaps you were just bored/tired of him and that was the reason. Perhaps not. I'm guessing the only one who really knows that is you, and I don't expect you to tell the truth.

>*sigh* i didn't cheat on him. i had no reason to. i didn't want to. i didn't break up with him so that i could be with someone else. exactly how much of a bitch do you people take me for? christophe, its times like these that i think you're an ass.)
>

I'm an ass, probably. I find that to be more of a compliment than something to feel bad about, as it shows that what you say touches people. I wasn't there, so I don't know if you kept your legs/mouth shut, I just said I thought it was a bit dodgy that within the limited space of 300 characters you had to put the info that the relationship was over, but managed to get the loyalty part in it as well while nobody was questioning at the time it seems. I could be wrong, I could be right.

The overall conclusion is this:

It's your life, and I'm all for getting out of a relationship for any reason that you think justifies breaking up. You don't even need a reason as far as I'm concerned, if you want out, just get out. You don't have to answer to anybody.

What I don't like too much though (not that I care too much to be honest, to me observing how people handle their lives is just like watching a rat in a wheel) is that you are giving the guy a form of false hope as you say that perhaps "one day when you both grow up" you'll perhaps get back together.

Depending on which kind of bush we're talking about, I don't like beating around it. It's over, what's the point of not just saying it like it is.

And let's face it, you don't "suffer" because it's over, otherwise you would be together again already. I've dumped enough girls during my limited lifetime up to this point, but I never acted like I felt *bad* for doing so, even about the ones I was in a serious relationship with because like you I had my reasons and I always was glad that I got out, tough luck for them.

So I'd say, say it like it is and don't give the guy any false hope and don't (act like you) feel sorry about the whole thing, while you are and should be happy that you can do whatever you think you should be doing instead.


 
choke Posted: Mon Oct 3 16:57:44 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>One of the many lessons to be learned from this:
>
>Do not get romantically involved with another regular GTer.

Been there..


 
beetlebum Posted: Mon Oct 3 17:30:19 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>addi said:
>>One of the many lessons to be learned from this:
>>
>>Do not get romantically involved with another regular GTer.
>
>Been there..

Woah. (What?!) Where have I been... :D

How's life these days, Choke? Hope you're doing well.


 
addi Posted: Mon Oct 3 17:40:08 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:

>Been there..

It was Koff wasn't it?! That sonofabitch!! I'll...I'll..moidahlize him!


*the things I don't know about you, tiff...my..my


 
sweet p Posted: Mon Oct 3 18:41:36 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  beetlebum said:
>choke said:
>>addi said:
>>>One of the many lessons to be learned from this:
>>>
>>>Do not get romantically involved with another regular GTer.
>>
>>Been there..
>
>Woah. (What?!) Where have I been... :D


hah


 
sweet p Posted: Mon Oct 3 18:42:58 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:
>addi said:
>>One of the many lessons to be learned from this:
>>
>>Do not get romantically involved with another regular GTer.
>
>
>Oh NOW you tell me.

Yeah.
There wouldn't have been a wedding to call off. Bah! #$%&*


 
FN Posted: Mon Oct 3 18:46:25 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>but I never acted like I felt *bad* for doing so, even about the ones I was in a serious relationship with because like you I had my reasons and I always was glad that I got out, tough luck for them.

Let me clarify that one: sometimes I felt bad for *them*, but I didn't feel bad for *me*, otherwise I wouldn't have broken up with them.

It all just seems pretty straight forward to me.


 
Mesh Posted: Mon Oct 3 19:37:54 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Sweet P said:
>meshuggah said:
>>addi said:
>>>One of the many lessons to be learned from this:
>>>
>>>Do not get romantically involved with another regular GTer.
>>
>>
>>Oh NOW you tell me.
>
>Yeah.
>There wouldn't have been a wedding to call off. Bah! #$%&*


Hey that is hurtful.


 
choke Posted: Mon Oct 3 23:17:50 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  beetlebum said:
>
>Woah. (What?!) Where have I been... :D
>
>How's life these days, Choke? Hope you're doing well.

Life's great, I have tomorrow off school (hooray for Jewish people!) so me and a friend are going to the city.. WHOA I went on an underground subway train the other day, 1st time ever on a real train, it's like an amusement park ride!!!!!!

I have some good friends here already, so things are brilliant. I'm off to New York this weekend with my host family, should be exciting...

And yes, I did have a relationship of sorts with someone who used to post here.. I kinda stole this site from him so if he's still around I'm sorry!


 
choke Posted: Mon Oct 3 23:19:10 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>
>It was Koff wasn't it?! That sonofabitch!! I'll...I'll..moidahlize him!
>
>
And no, I can't say I ever had the pleasure of meeting this Koff you all speak of so fondly...


 
beetlebum Posted: Tue Oct 4 03:37:05 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>beetlebum said:
>>
>>Woah. (What?!) Where have I been... :D
>>
>>How's life these days, Choke? Hope you're doing well.
>
>Life's great, I have tomorrow off school (hooray for Jewish people!) so me and a friend are going to the city.. WHOA I went on an underground subway train the other day, 1st time ever on a real train, it's like an amusement park ride!!!!!!
>
>I have some good friends here already, so things are brilliant. I'm off to New York this weekend with my host family, should be exciting...
>

Dude, that's awesome. It makes me realize how cynical I am that the underground in London just seems gross- no amusement, park or otherwise, in it.

AND YOU WILL LOVE NEW YORK I AM JEALOUS. *stops yelling*
Seriously, have a fantastic time. I'm glad you're settling in and life is a bit bettah.


 
addi Posted: Tue Oct 4 07:19:01 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:

>And yes, I did have a relationship of sorts with someone who used to post here.. I kinda stole this site from him so if he's still around I'm sorry!

He is, and he's pissed!

*Enjoy NY, tiff. It's such a fun place to visit...good memories.


 
choke Posted: Tue Oct 4 12:39:03 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  beetlebum said:
>Dude, that's awesome. It makes me realize how cynical I am that the underground in London just seems gross- no amusement, park or otherwise, in it.
>
Next time you're in it look out the window at the lights going by, and it feels like one of the gold mine rides...


 
sry_not4sale Posted: Wed Oct 5 00:51:22 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Had a chat with him yesterday!

He's happy for ya, you seem to be getting alot more out of it than he ever did :)


 
addi Posted: Wed Oct 5 07:09:53 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sry_not4sale said:
>Had a chat with him yesterday!
>
>He's happy for ya, you seem to be getting alot more out of it than he ever did :)

Remember we're scheduled for that conference call at 2. She may be a little late. I think we all agree with your decision to pursue this. Good luck, and don't forget to get that rash looked at.


 
Mesh Posted: Wed Oct 5 08:29:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hvad.....


 
Mesh Posted: Wed Oct 5 08:40:17 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  *what?


 
addi Posted: Wed Oct 5 08:48:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meshuggah said:
>*what?

my thoughts exactly


*mutters something about %#@*& cryptic personal posts

: )


 
choke Posted: Wed Oct 5 18:28:31 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sry_not4sale said:
>Had a chat with him yesterday!
>
>He's happy for ya, you seem to be getting alot more out of it than he ever did :)

I don't know what to say... Thank you.


 
choke Posted: Wed Oct 5 18:31:12 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>
>Remember we're scheduled for that conference call at 2. She may be a little late. I think we all agree with your decision to pursue this. Good luck, and don't forget to get that rash looked at.

I don't get it?


 
addi Posted: Wed Oct 5 18:48:57 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:

>I don't get it?

If it helps I don't either.

Sorry, Choke...was just being a smart ass with that post.


 
choke Posted: Thu Oct 6 22:02:50 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>
>If it helps I don't either.
>
>Sorry, Choke...was just being a smart ass with that post.

I have a feeling that you're lucky I don't understand your humour :P


 
addi Posted: Fri Oct 7 08:35:08 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:

>I have a feeling that you're lucky I don't understand your humour :P

lol
People that do understand my humor (humour) are very unlucky.
The trick is to stop trying to understand my humor, but instead meditate on becoming one with my humor.


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Tue Apr 11 04:55:57 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>One of the many lessons to be learned from this:
>
>Do not get romantically involved with another regular GTer.

Bah!


 



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