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cookies&cream Posted: Mon Oct 3 12:20:28 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  has anyone ever misjudged you and taken you for granted? or has anyone ever said things about you that were not true? how do you explain to someone how you feel without getting emotional; without directly insulting them? is it possible to explain a concept when no research can be done and you have little knowledge of the concept yourself?


 
Kira Posted: Mon Oct 3 14:41:49 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  My explanations go unheeded. She doesn't care.


 
FN Posted: Mon Oct 3 15:48:48 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  People always misjudge me, but I doubt that many have ever taken me for granted.

You explain to someone how you feel without getting emotional, by not getting emotional. Get a grip as they say.

And I wouldn't be too afraid about insulting/hurting people either, if you handle stuff with a velvet glove instead of an iron fist the only thing you'll be getting is a lot of misunderstandings.


 
choke Posted: Mon Oct 3 17:12:10 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I used to think people were misjudging me when they thought I was 'normal' but now that they've put me in the depressive teenager angry at the world etc category I just want them to realize I'm average...
I'm plain! Beleive me!!


 
choke Posted: Mon Oct 3 17:14:15 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  And I think they would probably listen if you did get emotional. Just not hysterically emotional. But reeling it off in an emotionless monotone isn't going to work either because they wont take you seriously.


 
addi Posted: Mon Oct 3 18:08:07 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:

>And I wouldn't be too afraid about insulting/hurting people either, if you handle stuff with a velvet glove instead of an iron fist the only thing you'll be getting is a lot of misunderstandings.

Christophe, my second son, do you actually believe this crap you write down? Sometimes I think you just post it cuz it sounds cool...like something the GT persona of Christophe should say.

First of all, you can be very clear in your communication with another person and STILL handle it with a velvet glove. There is absoluely nothing wrong with a little genuine emotional sensitivity when you're saying something that's difficult for the other person to hear. If you truely believe the ONLY way to be straightforward in a relationship is to handle it with "an iron glove" then you're misguided.
Trust me, I understand that you're not helping the other person when you don't express you're honest true feelings for fear of hurting them, but you're opinion that a heavy handed approach is the only way to communicate is just silly.

Secondly, while I'm sure that you're not as "emotional" as me in relationship communication, I have a hard time swallowing that you're as stoic and callous as you'd like us to think you are. Remember I've been around here long enough to read some of your more emotional posts dealing with past relationships. If a girl that you liked a lot would come up to you out of the blue and say, "Christophe, I really don't like you anymore. I don't want to see or talk to you ever again.", you may put up a brave face, but if you have any humanness in you at all it would hit you like a sledge hammer to the chest. I seriously doubt you'd walk away whistling and thinking, "Well..didn't see that coming..gotta love the way she handled it in a cold heartless way though."

My point (since I rambled on) is that it's very possible to be considerate and sensitive and still be absolutely clear in telling someone how you feel (or don't feel) in a relationship.


*BTW I want my school ring back. It's so over between us
: )


 
FN Posted: Mon Oct 3 18:41:59 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  In cases like this, I have to disagree addi.

There's a difference between the kind of "bad news" you're giving somebody and the way you should bring it, in my opinion.

Let's take cancer, if you're going to say: hey man, you're as good as dead, you got cancer, prepare to suffer.

Or you say: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we have diagnosed you with cancer, we'll have to look at our options, though chances are you'll make it through due to current technology and medicine.

Then the simple fact remains in both situations: you have cancer, but in the first case the person is going to break down, in the 2nd case the person is going to break down as well but have some rational hope of recovery.


Now when you try this with "breaking up", every nice word is just interpreted as "we might still have a chance", and has an opposite effect, you just make the other person suffer more by giving them false hope and everything that goes along with it in the long run. Because the simple fact just is, things won't work out again, and chances are you won't be friends either. And if you do stay friends, it will always give trouble. Always. And if not with you and your former partner (which i doubt that it wouldn't lead to catastrophy) you can be damn sure that when one of you gets a new partner they won't like to have to compete with your ex-partner who is now a very good friend, and has had sex with you.


So yeah, I do honestly believe that in terms of relationships the iron fist usually works better. It will make it a lot easier for the other person to get his/her act together as they feel a little rage and the love thing subsides instead of still suffering for a very long time because they get new hope out of every normal to nice word.





Also, I can be emotional, just not with every person I meet. With my gf's, I'm emotional after a few days/weeks, depending on the girl, and yeah it would hurt me if one said that she didn't want to be with me anymore, which hasn't happened yet (but my mother keeps on telling me that one day I'll be the one that gets dumped), but I sure would like it better that she'd say it's over instead of letting it linger on and cheating on me, because then heads would roll and I'd feel much worse.

I prefer the short pain, but that's just a matter of opinion apparently.


 
FN Posted: Mon Oct 3 18:42:45 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  And I sold your school ring to buy crack.




For my children.


 
beetlebum Posted: Mon Oct 3 19:17:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>And I sold your school ring to buy crack.
>
>
>
>
>For my children.


LOL. Damn Addi, you got dissed. Big grin.

***







Still laughing. Meeble.


 
addi Posted: Mon Oct 3 20:50:31 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:

>So yeah, I do honestly believe that in terms of relationships the iron fist usually works better. It will make it a lot easier for the other person to get his/her act together as they feel a little rage and the love thing subsides instead of still suffering for a very long time because they get new hope out of every normal to nice word.

I knew if i could get a little clairification out of you it would have a slightly different twist. I understand what you're saying and if the circumstances were just like you explained then I agree that not leading them on is better for both involved....as long as the person doing the breaking up is honest AND sensitive when they break the news.

I've been on both ends of the stick in my life and it's no picnic from either side, but I'd still take being the breaker-upper over being the breakee (is that a word?)


 
addi Posted: Mon Oct 3 20:55:27 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>And I sold your school ring to buy crack.

That's okay...I wasn't honest with you anyway. I got it from one of those quarter toy machines outside of the local Piggly Wiggly grocery store.

>For my children.

I hope you named one of them Addison


 
Mesh Posted: Mon Oct 3 21:44:36 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>breakee (is that a word?)

I checked the dictionary. It is breakee upee.


 
kurohyou Posted: Tue Oct 4 08:44:37 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  cookies said:
>has anyone ever misjudged you and taken you for granted? or has anyone ever said things about you that were not true? how do you explain to someone how you feel without getting emotional; without directly insulting them? is it possible to explain a concept when no research can be done and you have little knowledge of the concept yourself?

When it comes to matters of the heart its difficult not to become emotionally involved. Often times, things like breakups and what not, are very emotionally charged, regardless of what side of the coin you are on. As many others here have said, it is possible to convey your feelings and do what you can to not hurt the other person.

There is a fine line to dance whenever your heart, or another persons heart, is involved. Hearts are delicate once they have been touched by another person, and they can break easily. You can't always avoid hurting, or getting emotional, but sometimes, you can temper it.

I still laugh at that one line at the end of the Wizard of Oz..."Hearts will never be pratical until they can be made unbreakable." Part of me agrees with this statement. Part of me doesn't.

For what it's worth...


 
DanSRose Posted: Wed Oct 5 14:30:34 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  cookies said:
>has anyone ever misjudged you and taken you for granted? or has anyone ever said things about you that were not true? how do you explain to someone how you feel without getting emotional; without directly insulting them? is it possible to explain a concept when no research can be done and you have little knowledge of the concept yourself?

People constantly believe me to be average, simple (mentally, spiritually, and whatever else there is), a fool (I am, but not in the way they believe it). They take me at face value, which isn't even value at its face.
It gets to me, that people believe lies and falsehoods, putting down 'the nice guy' who just was raised and learned manners and culture, making him, obvisiously, pushover.
I'm a shy, quiet, inward guy. While it does not take me a long time to warm to someone, it does take a great while or a great person for me to open up to, and longer to even trust. I'm emotional and wear my heart on sleeve- it's easier for me take in the world like that. For that, try to take advantage of me, tooling me about.
What really gets me is when I do open my mouth to open myself up or show them something I've written or something I'm proud, it's always shock and awe or pleasantly horrified, along the lines of "I didn't know you were good at something. Isn't that cute?"
No wonder it took me so long to pick up a pen start to write. No one would have read it, let alone believed it.

To all those of the Jewish persuasion:
L'shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem,
And happy new year and what.


 



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