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Tired of politics ? Here's a joke for you
ifihadahif Posted: Thu Aug 3 19:23:29 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because
I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets
with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly
a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.





 
boondock743 Posted: Thu Aug 3 19:32:26 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  thats funny as hell
LMFAO



 
jennemmer Posted: Thu Aug 3 19:54:59 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:

>On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again...

I can't find the link off hand but there was a guy who tried living off monkey food for a week. He didn't have to go to the hospital but by the end of the week he smelled a lot like monkey.


 
jennemmer Posted: Thu Aug 3 19:59:46 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Thanks to my friend who has a talent for finding some of the most bizzare things on the internet by accident:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juwvwu3Z5HI

Monkey Chow diaries, day 1


 
~Just Imagine~ Posted: Fri Aug 4 07:33:27 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Now that's funny ;) and grossss...


 
kurohyou Posted: Fri Aug 4 13:16:44 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  That is pretty damn funny...

By the way, this has nothing to do with anything but I just saw your Avatar Hif and thought it was funny. I've been whistling singing in the rain for weeks now. Just got a Gene Kelly CD at the library and put it on my Itunes so I can actually learn the words.

Not that it matters...


 
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Aug 4 15:27:37 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  kurohyou said:
>That is pretty damn funny...
>
>By the way, this has nothing to do with anything but I just saw your Avatar Hif and thought it was funny. I've been whistling singing in the rain for weeks now. Just got a Gene Kelly CD at the library and put it on my Itunes so I can actually learn the words.
>
Singing in the Rain is one of my favorite movies. They just don't make good musicals anymore.


 
Mesh Posted: Fri Aug 4 23:36:48 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Here's a good one. Made even funnier by the fact that it is true.


What would you call the Flinstones if they were black?


Niggers.



Here's another one.


What smells worse than a nigger?

Nothing, you idiot.



Jiggaboos.


 
DanSRose Posted: Sun Aug 6 01:14:39 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Jokes like that are abstractly funny. Ironically funny. You get a chuckle off of them because you can picture the type of person who would laugh at that. I totally appreciate that and this coming from you all, or y'all!, as it is said.

It's another story, another all together when you are in line at, oh- let's say a WalMart and the guy behind you starts telling you- you specifically- those jokes (actually for me it's been on line at the supermarket, in the DC Metro, and camping from a friend's dad not too long ago- that long ago meaning this past week which is why I haven't put up my Israel photos yet, and that was just..., well). It becomes the terrible awkward, the nervous dread that I either get from certain kind of panic attacks or when I was getting an exam back that I was pretty sure I did horribly on. It's like that. Where you have to play along, note down pitch and tone because it makes good character notes for later, and just nod because you are hopelessly outnumbered 1 to 16. Whatever.

I'm home and I don't want to be home but I can't really go traveling some more fo I have no money, what with being broke and all, so I decided to drink a bit and you're not supposed to drink alone because that's a sad thing that old people with 11 cats names after presidents or war generals do. Well, NY has a Subway and I have a car again.
I'll get the better photos (including one of my feet in my Converses in the Mediterranean and of me taken by me after I got pissed off at my group and then dehydrated on Massada and one of how archaeological field is done and the Old City).


 
Ahriman Posted: Mon Aug 7 16:05:15 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Walmart: Center of All Divine Intellects


That was hilarious, good show hif


 
Cherry_Moon Posted: Fri Aug 11 23:50:17 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  major points ifih. I'm telling everybody I know


 
antartica Posted: Mon Aug 21 01:25:13 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  hif... that was fan-fuckin-tastic...
:)


 
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Aug 25 17:03:39 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Here's another:

A Kentucky couple, both bonafied rednecks, had 9 children. They
went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The
doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what
finally made them make the decision--why after nine children, would
they choose to do this.
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that
one out of every ten children being born in the United States was
Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican
baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.





 
Kira Posted: Fri Aug 25 18:22:05 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hehe.


 
Mesh Posted: Fri Aug 25 19:40:02 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  It's funny cause it's true.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Wed Sep 13 19:23:51 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  More funny stuff:

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying flowers.
The redhead sighs and says, "Oh crap! my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"
The redhead replies, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"



 



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