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i just can't answer this
boondock743 Posted: Mon Nov 20 21:34:44 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  In a relationship, would you rather be the one who loves more or loves less?

i cant answer that, to me either one sux
any relationship like that just wouldnt work for me


 
addi Posted: Mon Nov 20 21:41:08 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I've been in both types before. You're right..they both suck.

The best relationships are when the other person really loves you a lot and you really love yourself a lot.

"Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all"

Gawd...I hate that song : )


 
ifihadahif Posted: Mon Nov 20 21:47:50 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Careful there Addi, if you love yourself too much, you'll go blind. . . . . or so I've heard.


 
libra Posted: Mon Nov 20 22:33:40 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I dunno. That is a hard question.

I really can't tell which one my relationship is, so I think that means that its equal. (Meaning it is PERFECT! or close).




 
J. Posted: Mon Nov 20 23:12:22 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
 

How do you know if you love more or less than your partner? What is the unit of measurement?




 
Kira Posted: Tue Nov 21 00:03:32 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I picked the one I'd never tried before. :P


 
Posted: Tue Nov 21 04:22:41 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Always say "I love you" first, but never too soon.

Get your heart broken a few times, it'll do you good when you're still young.

Love without consideration that you're being loved back in equal ratio. Such considerations will prevent you from really being in love.

So, love more.


 
beetlebum Posted: Tue Nov 21 04:38:52 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  CriminalSaint said:
>Always say "I love you" first, but never too soon.
>
>Get your heart broken a few times, it'll do you good when you're still young.
>
>Love without consideration that you're being loved back in equal ratio. Such considerations will prevent you from really being in love.
>
>So, love more.

Best answer evah.

I'd say I'd much rather love more, but really I don't think the stuff is measurable, and we all love differently. I know I've been in a relationship where it might have seemed, at least at the beginning, that I loved less because I was quiet about it, but really I loved that person so much it was truly ridiculous. Had that person begun quantifying in terms of what I was saying, he would've felt like he loved more, but he would've been wrong and it would've poisoned our relationship.

Also, I don't like that the question is framed in terms of "love". I think that any time love is quantified, it's a bad scene. Why would you actually *want* to love someone "less" than they love you, unless you want to manipulate him/her, feel/have control over the relationship, or maintain a relationship of convenience? And in all three of those cases, I mean, can you actually consider what you feel towards that person "love" regardless of how much of it you feel? Because that's a pretty crappy way to go about it and makes your love hardly believable anyway.


AND THERE YOU HAVE MY WISDOM DERIVED FROM 1/4 CENTURY OF LIVING. which is nothing. haha.




 
addi Posted: Tue Nov 21 06:38:02 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:
>Careful there Addi, if you love yourself too much, you'll go blind. . . . . or so I've heard.

What? I can't see you


and I don't think it's all that difficult to determine if you're in an "unequal" relationship. Your actions, or your partners speak volumes.
However...
Love just happens initially. a person doesn't really have much control over love invading their life. If the object of their affection doesn't return the love, or for various reasons it is an unhealthy relationship, you can choose to terminate it, but we don't have as much control over falling in love as we think we do.

Conversely, you may wish you still loved a person, but wishing won't change things. I don't think a person has much control over "falling out of love" with their partner either. You don't wake up one day and say to yourself, "Hmm...I think I'm going to fall out of love with this person next to me today."

Lastly, I think it's extremely difficult to separate yourself from feelings of love and objectively put it on shelf to examine it. I have thought I was in love in the past, and I wasn't. I have thought I wasn't still in love, and I was.
Shit Happens
Love Happens


 
DanSRose Posted: Tue Nov 21 08:52:40 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  suenos said:
>How do you know if you love more or less than your partner?

You just do.

>What is the unit of measurement?
How long you can look at yourself in the mirror.


addi said:

>Conversely, you may wish you still loved a person, but wishing won't change things. I don't think a person has much control over "falling out of love" with their partner either. You don't wake up one day and say to yourself, "Hmm...I think I'm going to fall out of love with this person next to me today."

Then how does it fade? What do you do when it does? Do you wait until it is all gone, or cling to the fraying ends until it is completely toxic?



 
addi Posted: Tue Nov 21 09:06:56 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  DanSRose said:

>Then how does it fade?

For so many varied and complex reasons it's impossible to list them all. I think every situation is unique in that regard.

>What do you do when it does? Do you wait until it is all gone, or cling to the fraying ends until it is completely toxic?

To each their own. Some deal with it immediately, and others live in denial and wait for it to become toxic. Just as an example I sometimes help at a women's shelter here (serving meals). These women have chosen to leave an unhealthy relationship, but so many will continue to cling to a man that abuses them emotionally and physically. The human psyche is SO complex.


 
Ahriman Posted: Tue Nov 21 09:09:40 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  “You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”


 
Howitzer Posted: Tue Nov 21 18:35:14 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Considering the "more or less", I have been in what I feel is both situations. I once loved with every bit of me and got crushed--therefore I felt I loved more....

However, I also vowed to not be that one in my current relationship, and I feel I have succeeded...only to doom it because I have "fallen out of love", mostly because I was trying so hard not to expose myself and become too attached.

Addi has it right, you can't choose when you fall in and out of love, but you can choose what you do with the relationship and can affect how long you stay in love.

ps- you also don't really know that you are out of love until you wake up in the morning and realize you can't ever feel what you once felt


 
~Just Imagine~ Posted: Fri Nov 24 14:56:15 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Crap, just tried to answer the question to, and I started thinking about it, and it messes with my mind...

I would like to love one person hopelessly, and need it equally returned, otherwise you can't talk about a good relationship...

Damn, hard questions 8)


 
kurohyou Posted: Fri Nov 24 15:07:18 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  For me its in finding the balance. I don't think that there is such thing as loving someone too much, but as addi mentioned, it's the unequal aspect of the relationship which will cause problems, and loss of balance.

Again, much like Addi said, its just happens. One day you wake up and you see something that was not there before. Sometimes it's returned and sometimes it's not.

I have been on both sides of the coin, and neither is a good place to be. I have loved, or thought I loved, people more than they did me. And I have been loved by people more than I loved them in return.

I know that in my relationships the more difficult part for me is not the actual loving of the other person, but in the things you do to show that you love them. Right now my wife shows her love much more than I do. She does a hundred little things to say that she loves me. Some I pick up on and some I don't. But where we have problems is that I don't do those little things. I'm not that outwardly expressive when it comes to that, and my way of showing love is different than hers. So where we conflict is not on how much we love each other, but how we show it to one another. I don't know if that makes sense.

I think to make any relationship which has any kind of lasting potential, you need to strike a balance between "real" love and showing love. How much you love another is, and always will be subjective to the individual. So I think that the balance comes in showing that love. Either way its not an easy road to walk in my experience and an extreme to one way or another is not healthy.

For what it's worth...




 
choke Posted: Sat Nov 25 05:30:57 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  My coincentration head won't let me read this all the way through but I would say loving more is 90% painful 10% wonderful, and loving less is %50 percent comfrtable 50% boring. So I guess whatever suits for your moment of goodness at the time!


 
Mesh Posted: Sat Nov 25 21:55:07 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Fuck all that cockshit. The bitch will love me as much as I tell her to.

After she makes me a sammich!





Just kidding. That is a real hard one, and one I wish not to even ponder. Both of them would be no good for me. That's unrealistic, I know. Can't be equal love. But I can delude myself, can't I?


 
FN Posted: Fri Dec 1 12:25:03 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Wystan Hugh Auden - The More Loving One

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.






That being said, let the less loving one be me, obviously. If you're the more loving one you'll get fucked in the non-literal way.


 
misszero Posted: Sun Dec 3 04:45:10 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  this reminds meof a storymyfriend toldme. Chris martin from coldplay is apparently really into radiohead and thom yorke blah blah, and has said so in interviews (i assume, since peopleknow this.) and then thom yorke said coldplay were 'lifestyle music' (which is a suitably cdryptic insult from someone who makes 'where'd you park the car?' sound profound) and Chris Martin just said (when asked about how he felt about that,i guess) "well, sometimes you love things and they don't love you back"


 
misszero Posted: Sun Dec 3 04:46:29 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  as for the actual question, I 'loved more' in my first relationship, too, got crushed, now when i actually like people a lot i have to break up with them. awesome.


 



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