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Good advice, let bygones be bygones
ifihadahif Posted: Thu Jan 4 15:52:19 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
Let Bygones Be Bygones Before It's Too Late

Thursday , January 04, 2007

By Neil Cavuto




Never, ever underestimate the power of a slight. A flippant comment. Or maybe no comment at all.

It never ceases to amaze me how the greatest among us tend to be just like us. Remembering every rude remark. Refusing to let go, even years after the fact.

Even Gerald Ford. By all accounts, a good and decent man, who just never got over the fact Ronald Reagan challenged him in 1976 for the Republican presidential nomination. And what's more, didn't seem to do much for him in the race Ford ultimately lost to Jimmy Carter.

After all these years, it still stuck. He still stewed. Even for a very affable guy like President Ford, who usually let bygones be bygones.

I remember some years back a CEO who ended up firing a top lieutenant because the guy never laughed at his jokes. I kid you not.

Another boss I had years ago surrounded himself with yes men, and relegated to oblivion the one genius who had the nerve to say "no."

Big men with big egos have big memories. And apparently even bigger vendettas. For things that matter. Even things that don't.

It got me thinking about the time my dad had organized a dinner for some old colleagues at a company he had long since left. Actually, dad was forced out. But a lot of time had passed. All his old colleagues were retired, or dead. And dad just wanted what he called a fun, last supper.

"Relax," he said at the start of the meal. "The race is over, guys." And only a few short years after that, life was over for all those guys, too, including dad.

Lives spent feuding over little things that seemed big. Until the little things were gone. And the people who fretted over them were gone, too.





 
J. Posted: Thu Jan 4 17:15:06 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
"All we are is dust in the wind..."

Thanks Hif. Good article.

DUST IN THE WIND
Kansas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx276t3dVdQ&mode=related&search=


I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

[Now] Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind...




 
FN Posted: Thu Jan 4 18:10:16 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  That's all very nice, but in the end if somebody messes with you you make them pay or they'll do it again


 
DanSRose Posted: Fri Jan 5 02:29:09 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  That's very nice, forgive and forget. Let bygones be bygones.
Very nice except for the fact that in letting the past be the past, the past is forgotten. The lesson is not learned. Not even revenge, but having what you did (or did not) do just fade away makes you that much more open for it happening again and again and again.


 
FN Posted: Fri Jan 5 05:59:27 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Is this a holocaust thing


 
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Jan 5 06:30:41 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  DanSRose said:
>That's very nice, forgive and forget. Let bygones be bygones.
>Very nice except for the fact that in letting the past be the past, the past is forgotten. The lesson is not learned. Not even revenge, but having what you did (or did not) do just fade away makes you that much more open for it happening again and again and again.
>
You got it all wrong.
It's not forgive and forget, it's just forgive. Never forget.


 
FN Posted: Fri Jan 5 07:41:00 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ah but as long as it isn't forgotten it isn't forgiven either


 
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Jan 5 10:09:08 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>Ah but as long as it isn't forgotten it isn't forgiven either
>
I disagree.
Having lived many years on this planet I have come to realize that everyone changes as they grow.
There are many things in my past I would like to have forgiven. These are things I would never ever do again simply because I'm not that person anymore.
I would not expect my forgivers to forget these transgressions as I hope I never foget them either, lest I come to repeat them.


 
Mark Posted: Fri Jan 5 12:51:31 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:
>Christophe said:
>>Ah but as long as it isn't forgotten it isn't forgiven either
>>
>I disagree.
>Having lived many years on this planet I have come to realize that everyone changes as they grow.
>There are many things in my past I would like to have forgiven. These are things I would never ever do again simply because I'm not that person anymore.
>I would not expect my forgivers to forget these transgressions as I hope I never foget them either, lest I come to repeat them.
I agree with hif.


 
J. Posted: Fri Jan 5 15:46:42 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
Forgiving others is easy for me, but forgiving myself has always been the hardest thing to do.

>It's not forgive and forget, it's just forgive. Never forget.

I Agree.


suenos



 
addi Posted: Fri Jan 5 16:38:36 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  technically speaking, all you good people out there, forgiving is an act we have control over, so to speak. We can choose to sincerely forgive a transgression committed against us, or we can choose not to.
However forgetting is not in the same category. We can't just magically forget, or will from our minds, a past memory of injustice or hurt against us...even if we wanted to.
So I see this as something of a moot point.

The main thing is whether we forgive someone or not...not whether we forget the act.

Make any sense?


 
J. Posted: Fri Jan 5 16:53:27 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
I think when I forgive someone, I'm doing myself a favor by freeing myself from anger and hurt. At the same time I choose not to forget because I don't wanna make the same mistake twice.

My Dad used to say, "If a hundred years from now nobody cares, then let it go. Life is too short."

And life really is too short to hold the grudges.




 
addi Posted: Fri Jan 5 17:34:44 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  suenos said:
>
>At the same time I choose not to forget because I don't wanna make the same mistake twice.

and my point was that I don't believe we can *choose*..it's either in our memory banks, or it's so insignificant that it fades into oblivion with time. Perhaps it's all just semantics here. Maybe what the saying means is that the two are connected...that when you forgive someone you are essentially forgetting the act. Not a literal forgetting, but a symbolic one.

>My Dad used to say, "If a hundred years from now nobody cares, then let it go. Life is too short."

Amen to that

: )



 
FN Posted: Fri Jan 5 20:15:51 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Basicly you're hardwired not to forgive wether you like it or not.

And you can't make yourself really forget stuff, so as long as some of it remains it'll be taken into account.

Maybe not for a large part but that's not the point, the point is that keeping something in mind when deciding over trustworthiness/believing/benefit of the doubt when a situation similar to what was "forgiven" before arises, consciously or subconsciously, that rules out the kind of "forgiveness".

Not to forget equals not to forgive.

Me, I don't believe in neither forgive nor forget anyway.

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." to throw in the cliché Nietzsche quote.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Jan 5 20:40:38 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  If someone does you wrong, you have a choice, you can hang on the anger and let it eat you up, or you can choose to forgive and be the better person for it.
When you forgive someone, it makes it easier to forget what they've done to you. I know that I've had to remind myself a time or two because of this.
It's true, you can't choose to forget something, but through forgiveness you can make it a lot easier to fuggetaboutit.


 
choke Posted: Sat Jan 6 15:11:59 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Huh. I usually forget things before I have time to forgive them.


 
addi Posted: Sat Jan 6 16:36:42 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Huh. I usually forget things before I have time to forgive them.

lol
that works too


 
beetlebum Posted: Sun Jan 7 10:40:54 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  meh, i don't know. i believe in forgiving, but also allowing their past behaviour to inform your future behaviour in dealing with them.


 
addi Posted: Sun Jan 7 10:51:22 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  beetlebum said:
>meh, i don't know. i believe in forgiving, but also allowing their past behaviour to inform your future behaviour in dealing with them.

yes.

it's called using your common sense

: )


 



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