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J. Posted: Fri Feb 9 06:44:32 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
Got this in my email from a guy friend today:



HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:


Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint enhanced conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

_______________________


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.


*************

Me:

No walking to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
No harsh scrubs on this face.
No wide loofah and pumice stone.
No Tilex.

I do some of the guy things too. But I'm just not going to clarify which. * LOL*

And for sure ....No wiener to wag, no shampoo mohawk, and * thank god*, no arse hairs.

Am I not woman? Am I man? What am I?
Am I a neuter?

(Do guys really do all of those things in the shower?)







 
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Feb 9 07:36:55 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hey Suenos, *shake shake* woo-woo !
:-)


 
addi Posted: Fri Feb 9 08:23:46 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  suenos said:

>And for sure ....No wiener to wag,

I used to weiner wag, but no more. One of my cats is fascinated with water so she's always on the bathroom counter when I start to run the water. One time I was bent over naked adjusting the water temperature and didn't realize my weiner was so close to her. Apparantly she got the idea that it was some new exciting toy and took a swing at it with her paw. Not a fun experience.

>(Do guys really do all of those things in the shower?)

can't speak for all men because I don't usually shower with other guys, but I don't do those things (except for making "woowoo" sounds).

: )



 
J. Posted: Fri Feb 9 08:35:51 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
 

Huh?




 
addi Posted: Fri Feb 9 08:57:58 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  suenos said:
>
>
>Huh?


i have no idea what the "huh" is for. Was I unclear in my last post?


 
J. Posted: Fri Feb 9 10:48:39 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
Well .... you brought back some very * ahem* very pleasant memories during my residency ...... * T h e P e n i s W e e k * . Penile reconstruction mostly. There was this guy who got mangled in some kind of accident a couple years ago and lost two of his three legs (the left and middle). He’s undergone a number of reconstructive surgeries the year before in preparation for what happened that day: turning the skin around his right forearm into a new dong. It was interesting to see the surgeon map it all out; it was a little like a sewing cut-out pattern. There were lines delineating the shaft, the urethra, and the head. Yes, they wrote “head” on his arm. This sort of thing takes a long time, as they have to be very careful lifting the skin off to take all the soft tissue, and most importantly, the nerves, arteries, and veins off together so these can be attached to their counterparts in the groin to produce a working unit, as it were…. Should I tell more here? * LOL *

Anyway, the whole thing took * 21 hours*. When we'd just finished, there was another guy who literally had his balls bitten off by his dog (yes, bitten off by his beloved doggie), to make it into the OR ..... We started on him right away, but ...... Needless to say it was a very very very long and memorable day ..... and that’ll be another story for another day ....

*wink*







 
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Feb 9 11:07:33 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Good stuff Suenos !
:-)


 
addi Posted: Fri Feb 9 11:08:15 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  suenos said:
>
>Well .... you brought back some very * ahem* very pleasant memories during my residency ...... * T h e P e n i s W e e k * .

oh
Now why didn't I make that connection?
: )

and "The Penis Week" sounds like some sort of NZ holiday celebration.

I literally cringed reading your post though. Don't do that again...it's painful to even think about.



 
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Feb 9 11:16:57 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>suenos said:
>>
>>Well .... you brought back some very * ahem* very pleasant memories during my residency ...... * T h e P e n i s W e e k * .
>
>oh
>Now why didn't I make that connection?
>: )
>
>and "The Penis Week" sounds like some sort of NZ holiday celebration.
>
Don't listen to him Suenos, I thought it rocked !

There's nothing like a mangled penis story to get your attention in the morning !
:-)
>I literally cringed reading your post though. Don't do that again...it's painful to even think about.
>


 
J. Posted: Fri Feb 9 12:33:03 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
Thank you, Mr. hif. I think I better stop talking about these gross medical stuff in here.

Mr. Addi, please accept my sincere ... condolences ... Hahahaha




 
addi Posted: Fri Feb 9 13:02:05 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  suenos said:

>Mr. Addi, please accept my sincere ... condolences ... Hahahaha

I'm fine really.
it's my weiner that needs your sincere condolences. He's off somewhere in the house shaking and hiding from the trauma.

: )


i know....I'm soooooooo bad


 
ifihadahif Posted: Fri Feb 9 13:10:01 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>suenos said:
>
>>Mr. Addi, please accept my sincere ... condolences ... Hahahaha
>
>I'm fine really.
>it's my weiner that needs your sincere condolences. He's off somewhere in the house shaking and hiding from the trauma.
>
>: )
>
Sounds like you need to staple that sumbitch back where he belongs.
:-)
>i know....I'm soooooooo bad


 
addi Posted: Fri Feb 9 13:54:23 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:

>Sounds like you need to staple that sumbitch back where he belongs.

sounds like you just need to stay out of my weiner business.
Gosh!


: )


 
Ahriman Posted: Fri Feb 9 14:36:55 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  HAHAHAHA.....HAHAHA. Ah man, that was true for me in too many ways. Except the mohawk could never happen. I usually flip it over and do a Ring impression or stand there watching the water drip off the ends.


 
choke Posted: Fri Feb 9 22:20:17 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:


>
>and "The Penis Week" sounds like some sort of NZ holiday celebration.
>
Gosh Addi, that's National Penis Day!


 
addi Posted: Sat Feb 10 06:27:53 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:

>Gosh Addi, that's National Penis Day!

well I was close.

my weiner wants to move to NZ...where he will be treated with respect and dignity, and one day a year get to ride in a parade float and wave to the adoring onlookers.


 
ifihadahif Posted: Sat Feb 10 08:04:04 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I can't put my finger on it, but there is something wrong with a guy that begins a sentence with "my weiner wants".
:-)


 
addi Posted: Sat Feb 10 08:06:45 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  and "both" of us are greatly relieved you can't put your finger on it


:)


 
misszero Posted: Mon Feb 12 17:50:28 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  you guys brought tears to my eyes. this was hilarious. i miss gt :(


 
ifihadahif Posted: Mon Feb 12 21:37:11 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  misszero said:
>you guys brought tears to my eyes. this was hilarious. i miss gt :(
>
GT misses you too Darlin'
:-)


 
addi Posted: Tue Feb 13 06:05:14 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:

>GT misses you too Darlin'
>:-)

yes we do. It's just a damn shame that misszero and so many others have that posting cap placed on them. It's just not fair! We should start a petition to JQ to take off the 2 posts a month limit on them.


: )


 
J. Posted: Tue Feb 13 07:52:32 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
 

I WANT YOUR SEX


(You gotta click on the link to listen to this song as you read what’s below….)

http://profile.imeem.com/FPPqR6/music/1Om3owQD/i_want_your_sex/

A nostalgic visit to those residency days…..

Anyone who watches Grey’s Anatomy must think all residents do at the hospital all day is eat, sleep, and screw. We’d all be young and hot, with full heads of hair, kicking bodies, and, worse, we wouldn’t have to get to work until after the sun came up. Were that to be true!

There’s a long tradition of the sexualization of medical training. The novel “House of God” portrays sex, frequent animal sex, among the various members of the healthcare team as a way to combat and deal with the depravity that surrounds them (and as a way to facilitate discharge of problem patients). To the author I say, “You, sir, have not yet seen depravity!”

But I have, and it wasn’t pretty. Our recovery room nurses were all 60 year-old black women. And they liked sex. Maybe more than liking actually having it, they liked * talking * about it. Loudly. I was the unfortunate witness. It was like a scene out of “Barbershop,” with all the “oh Lawd!”s, “have mercy!”s, and “No you di-ent”s.

This is a virtual transcript:

Jocelyn, the youngest: Sherrie, your man is OLD and you always up in us about how he pounds this and pounds that. He MUST be on a pill!

Shirley, the oldest: He ain’t need no pill! I got his pill right HERE (grabs crotch).

Gina: And they all think a back rub is foreplay! Sheeat!

Me: It’s not???

Justine: Naw, I tell him, you GOT to go farther south than THAT! You got to go ALL the way down, you knowhamsayin? If you don’t have it in the hips, you BETTA have it in the lips, baby!

Gina: mmm hhmmmm!

Betty, even older than Shirley, and quite sheepish: Quarta to pho! That’s the best time!

Shirley: Quarta to pho? No pho-thirty? In the MOANIN’? You always here by 6:15! Have mercy!

Gina: He got a implant?

Justine: Naw, naw implant, baby; he all man! ALLL Man!

Betty: I gotta tell ya, I’m like 70% on my backrubs…

Justine: No you di-ent, girl! No you di-ent! Sheeeeat!

Me: Huh???

And on and on it went… I have to say, the thought of all these elderly women throwing their legs in the air for a good cause was, well, moving? No… I’m not sure what it was. But I know what it wasn’t. It wasn’t young hot firm-bodies screwing each other like mad in the call room during daylight hours like on TV. Were that to be true…..


*Note: All names were changed to protect the guilty.



 
addi Posted: Tue Feb 13 08:20:03 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  well there goes my hospital fantasy up in smoke. Dang!


and the I Want Your Sex music playing as I read this was a nice touch, but I have to admit thinking about the meaning behind that song with George singing made it it all the more unsettling (not that there's anything wrong with it).

My feelings of horniness have left the house...Ladies, you're now free unbuckle your seatbelts and roam the cabin : )


 
J. Posted: Tue Feb 13 14:24:42 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
You're so funny!

*LOL*


 
addi Posted: Tue Feb 13 15:58:51 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  suenos said:

>You're so hot!

>*LOL*

thanks suenos. that was really sweet of you.

: )




 



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