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sorry...
innocenceNonus Posted: Wed Aug 29 18:49:38 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  yeah. felt bad bumping the bi or gay thread off the GT site [: /]

but i didn't know how else to post and NOT have it bumped.

SO... VISIT THE GAY OR BI QUESTIONNAIRE THREAD. it's a good one.




and i'm posting this because i suck with meter. a lot. i don't even KNOW if this is even IN meter... though i think some of it is. so i'm asking for help. criticisms welcome.

also, the proofreading has been a continual process. some days i change it, some days i like it just the way it is...



Vivant

For where may but a sonnet lie
In young seeds of poor heart's dead bough
Where April roots yet spring on nigh
And cast on grounds all fresh doubt

The summer rain doth bring it near
That heat of which a mother fears
Fresh ground upon which the root does plow
Aand there with which a love grows stout

But fall will bring its chill again
And as it breathes a new world doth come
One filled of colors falsely live
Dead leaves upon the dirty ground

Ah! How cold the ice of winter lays
Bitter upon the coldest days
And dead the bough which grew once more
And now abstains from love forevermore



meh. it could use some work. so... roll up your sleeves and let the mudslinging begin!!


 
addi Posted: Wed Aug 29 21:12:45 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Where's asswipe when we need him

My days of critiquing poetry are over. I like to read them and appreciate them for what they are..warts and all.

this was my favorite stanza

"But fall will bring its chill again
And as it breathes a new world doth come
One filled of colors falsely live
Dead leaves upon the dirty ground"

even though I love fall : )

nice job, innocence. I like it when people post their creative writing here.


 
innocenceNonus Posted: Wed Aug 29 21:36:01 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  last line an allusion to the song from the White Stripes... come to think of it, the song may be a cover for all i know... but the version i think of is from the white stripes. : ) thanks, addi.


 



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