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Re-introduction
everyday_daisy Posted: Wed Mar 19 20:25:22 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I think I joined GT without a proper introduction of myself and my posts here are so inconsistent - re-reading them I find myself asking WTF and also what kind of legacy am I leaving on GT?

The answer so far would be nothing except a few curious questions I threw out and a few answers to posts. I thought that was sad considering that I find GT a very cozy space to share. It's better than writing a blog. It's like having a pet that talks!

Here are a few things before I share what is currently occupying my head.

-I'm a college student studying Sociology.
-I live alone in Manila and my immediate family members live in other places namely Singapore and China.
-But I was born here.
-Grew up in Hanoi, Vietnam + Singapore.
-Reason for travels and strange lands = my photojournalist father.
-The only person I actually know here is MisterMaroon.
-I used to live in Singapore and we have common friends.
-Other than MisterMaroon, I've talked to Crim (who is always busy tsk) and Addi.
-How I learned of GT = MisterMaroon showed me his work with Addi's poem then I emailed Addi about it, and we exchanged several e-mails (which I miss ;)!)
-I grew up with the Internet and used to be part of the kids-with-domains-who-post-a-lot-and-come-off-as-narcissistic crowd
-I'm glad I grew up from that and got a life and lost my virginity
-I think I've mentioned my online friend of 8 or so years visiting me recently on my birthday, it was great but when he left there was this feeling of uncertainty and confusion
-I felt like we had been friends for a while, but that at the end of it all I still didn't know him as much as I wanted to (then again, how much can you really know about another person?)

And I guess that's where the problem lies. With that Penpal friend gone, I was left with a bunch of questions. How well can you really know a person and can you get away with never telling someone something about you? I have a boyfriend who I love so much. I was looking at all the love posts and I'm familiar with that notion that lasting love is hard work. Lasting love isn't something that falls on your lap one day. It takes a lot of time and effort.

When my friend was here, there was obviously some sexual tension. He had a girlfriend back where he came from and I have my boyfriend here. The sexual tension of course was a result of our history and damn -it's always flattering to have someone travel from far away just to see you. You feel like a monument -discounting the aspect of objectification- and more focus instead, on the fact that you are worth someone's precious time.

I have always had strong will and hated the idea of "cheating" - both parts - the cheating and the being cheated on. So that wasn't the issue. The question that ran through my head though was, can you really separate sex and love? Can you have it simultaneously? Is it cheating if you were to have sex, and just sex - because you have no romantic feelings towards the person?

I don't know. I've been very big on love and all my relationships - though many brief - were bent on that idea of lasting love. But lately, I'm starting to think sex for sex has nothing to do with that - and I still don't know if I want to be comfortable with that idea?

Your thoughts?


 
libra Posted: Wed Mar 19 22:25:57 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hi!! I'm glad you re-introduced yourself.

As far as love/sex goes...
I think people can have sex for a lot of different reasons, and that doesn't necessarily make it bad or immoral or whatever you want to say.
But I think people have to have love in order to make a relationship last...but that means being in a place where things might not always be stellar.
It seems like people a lot of times worry too much about sex, and other people maybe don't worry enough...I guess its finding a balance that's important.


 
addi Posted: Thu Mar 20 08:03:25 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  my god, daisy. I sign in this morning and you've suddenly turned into a posting slut here
: )


everyday_daisy said:

>-How I learned of GT = MisterMaroon showed me his work with Addi's poem then I emailed Addi about it, and we exchanged several e-mails (which I miss ;)!)

That was sweet of you to say. But I think it's much better for you that we stopped. I now purposely try to avoid much contact with beautiful plinkers here. It just gets me into trouble.

>-I'm glad I grew up from that and got a life and lost my virginity

I think we need more details on this ; )

>Lasting love isn't something that falls on your lap one day. It takes a lot of time and effort.

Amen, Sistah!

>The question that ran through my head though was, can you really separate sex and love? Can you have it simultaneously? Is it cheating if you were to have sex, and just sex - because you have no romantic feelings towards the person?

The 64 thousand dollar question. Personally I think it depends on the circumstances, and the individuals involved.
Some people can separate the two easily (yes, even women). It's a pleasurable physical act for them, and deep feelings of love for the person you do the deed with don't necessarily come into play. But doing this on a regular basis is playing with fire in my opinion, and you can easily get burnt from it...on several levels. If a person has a physical relationship outside of his/her existing relationship they better be willing to suffer the consequences that could bite them in the butt.
There's also the issue of trust and honesty that comes into play with your partner, and that issue requires a whole nother post to go into adequately...and I've said enough already here.



 
ifihadahif Posted: Thu Mar 20 10:02:38 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:

>The 64 thousand dollar question. Personally I think it depends on the circumstances, and the individuals involved.
>Some people can separate the two easily (yes, even women). It's a pleasurable physical act for them, and deep feelings of love for the person you do the deed with don't necessarily come into play. But doing this on a regular basis is playing with fire in my opinion, and you can easily get burnt from it...on several levels. If a person has a physical relationship outside of his/her existing relationship they better be willing to suffer the consequences that could bite them in the butt.
>There's also the issue of trust and honesty that comes into play with your partner, and that issue requires a whole nother post to go into adequately...and I've said enough already here.
>
Not to mention the expenses involved for handcuffs, leg irons and such . . .


 
Mark Posted: Thu Mar 20 13:36:09 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'm sorry to spoil your thread, especially since this is just a DBF... But I just saw Hif's avatar, he's got KISS eggs (or looks likes eggs anyway). Wow you so totally rock :) I'm going to see them the 15th and 28th of June :D omg omg omg... So happy about it :)

ok, carry on now ;)


 
sweet p Posted: Sat Mar 22 23:49:14 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  yes, i also enjoy the re-introduction.

[hi]

sex is sex.
but i feel that love&sex exists more often than not.

i can't say that i've ever slept with someone i didn't love. but i did think about it and those occasions normally arose when i was already in a relationship. knowing that i didn't love the person i was sexually attracted to, helped justify the feelings, but that was never enough to push me to act on those feelings.
like libra said, people have sex for different reasons, whether or not they are already in a relationship.
even though half of the time i felt that the circumstances could forgive the actions, i always thought about how i'd feel if the tables were turned. i'd have a hard time believing my boyfriend if he told me he slept with someone but it was ok because he didn't love them. i suppose that is just a reflection of myself, and the kind of relationships i find myself in, though.


 
Ahriman Posted: Sun Mar 23 12:38:02 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sweet p said:
>yes, i also enjoy the re-introduction.
>
>[hi]
>
>sex is sex.




...



whooooooore.

:P








j/k


....



maybe.



 
FN Posted: Sun Mar 23 13:22:34 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'm a conservative man.

I don't mind being dirty but only in a steady relationship, "sex is sex" mentality is one of the causes of our crashing western civilization


 
everyday_daisy Posted: Sun Mar 23 19:01:12 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  And I'm trying to get myself back into that mindset, but betrayal does a whole lot of things to you. :(

>I don't mind being dirty but only in a steady relationship, "sex is sex" mentality is one of the causes of our crashing western civilization


 
FN Posted: Sun Mar 23 20:14:44 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Meh, bs. It's just a lame excuse, being cheated on or whatever doesn't suddenly make you lose control over your genitals.


 
sweet p Posted: Mon Mar 24 00:28:46 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i've never ever been called a whore before now. how dare you.


sex is what it is no matter what you say.
whether you will do it in love or not, with a million people or just one. it is intercourse. you can't say it doesn't count if you don't love the person because any way you see it, you still HAD SEX. if it means more to the two of you because you love the person you did it with, it means more to you, but it's still sex. i don't believe in "making love" because you can't make love with your genitals. i believe in love. i believe in having sex with the person you love. and i understand a clear difference between just sex and sex with someone you love. that is what i mean when i say sex is sex. because it is. sex does not mean love.

meanie.


 
addi Posted: Mon Mar 24 08:34:12 2008 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sweet p said:

>sex is what it is no matter what you say.

If you have sex with someone you don't love it is just sex. As an example of this I'm thinking about going out to a club, finding an attractive willing partner and having sex that night, when about the only thing you know about them is their age and first name. Not making a value statement here on doing that, but it's really an act of personal physical pleasure and not really a whole lot more.

However "love" is way too broad a term to neatly categorize and I'm a firm believer in love being on a continuous spectrum, rather than oversimplifiying it by saying either a person is in love or they're not in love.
Meaning in my typical long-winded way of expressing myself that you can be physical with another person, and have it be more than sex, and not love them (using the definition of together forever romantic love)...you can care sincerely and deeply for that person and "love" them in a manner of speaking that can make the act of sex something more than just a purely selfish act. Genuine altruistic motivations come into play because you aren't just focusing on your own desires, but sincerely care enough for the person you're with that it can't be reduced to merely a primal physical act...like a animal.
Perhaps this all smacks of rationalization to some of you, but I don't think it is. Love is WAY too complicated an emotion to place neatly in a box and state , "This is love, and that isn't love". I've seen too many examples of it confusing the hell out of people, who would swear on their dead mother that they were in love forever and ever with the person they had intercourse with...only to discover down the road that they confused love with something else...or perhaps they were in love but it was transitory and not eternal.

enough....sorry : )




 



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