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ifihadahif Posted: Mon Mar 23 06:03:14 2009 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Bitches til the end.

Man, I'll tell ya, women can be cold until the end!
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad
news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we
celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't
well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There
were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by
some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two
were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end,
'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a
hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered,
'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told
your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'

'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father
after I'm gone.'

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In
Order.'


 
Mark Posted: Tue Mar 24 02:59:25 2009 Post | Quote in Reply  
  lol I almost spilled my coffee over the keyboard because of this :p Great one hif :)


 
ifihadahif Posted: Tue Mar 24 12:40:54 2009 Post | Quote in Reply  
 
A man wakes up one morning in Tennessee to find a bear on his roof. So
he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for 'Bear
Removers.'

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30
minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van.

He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

'What are you going to do', the homeowner asks?

'I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go
up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat'.

When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles
and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him
in the cage in the back of the van.'

He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

'What's the shotgun for?' asks the homeowner.

'If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.'




 
antartica Posted: Mon May 4 02:03:40 2009 Post | Quote in Reply  
  hahaha
oldies but goodies :)

thanks 'hif


 



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