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mat_j Posted: Fri Apr 30 04:11:25 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  So i just re-read the 'If you could ask one question' thread and answered all but 3 of the questions.

Maybe i should become a newspaper agony aunt.


 
Kira Posted: Sun May 2 00:26:46 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Dear Uncle Mat,

Last week I found out my big sister is really my mom and my mom is my grandma. This has been hard for me because my new grandma refuses to give back the "world's greatest mom" mug I made for her. How I can get her to do the right thing, so I can break the mug over my sister-mom's head like she deserves? Yours truly,

Mary-Jo, Alabama


 
mat_j Posted: Tue May 4 03:34:10 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Dear Mary Jo,

Oh dear, what a pickle, it sounds to me like your family are lesbian, christ hating, flag burning evil dooers and it seems you are too!

I suggest you go to the family gun cabinet and get the biggest gun you can manage and blow them all away. Then turn the gun on yourself.

America needs more patriots like you!

Hope this helps.

Uncle Mat




 
sweet p Posted: Tue May 4 23:13:27 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i love you guys.


 
Kira Posted: Wed May 5 00:08:12 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Dear Uncle Mat,

My girlfriend wants me to stop smoking, but whenever I try she complains that I lose my temper all the time. Now she's mad because I've been putting nicotine patches on her ass when she's asleep. Is there a better way to get her addicted to cigarettes too so she'll stop nagging me? Thanks,

Dale from LA (go Saints!)


 
Kira Posted: Wed May 5 00:23:42 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Names brought to you by www.redneckbabynames.com

Serving the needs of people whose imagination can't stretch beyond the name "Bubba."


 
mat_j Posted: Thu May 6 03:36:51 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hey Dale,
Oh dear, you seem to bring a whole new meaning to the phrase 'to blow smoke up someones ass'.

Here's an idea for you, if you need a hit of the good stuff, go into your garage, conenct a hose from your exhaust to your driver side window and turn on the ignition. Not only will you get a super relaxing hit of smoke without smelling of cigarettes you are also combining your passion of smoking with LA's great passtime of driving.

Happy smoking!

Uncle Mat


 
iggy Posted: Fri May 7 13:37:12 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Dear Uncle Mat,

i want to be like Tony Stark.


Love,

Steve Jobs


 
mat_j Posted: Tue May 11 03:20:53 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  mister maroon said:
>Dear Uncle Mat,
>
>i want to be like Tony Stark.
>
>
>Love,
>
>Steve Jobs

Dear Steve,
Don't despair you're nearly there, you have the multi billion dollar company, all you need now is to take out your heart and replace it with one of your gizmos (I suggest the i-pod classic as i'm sure there's room for a big old heart in there).

If you're a bit squeamish about removing said organ, i can give you details for my friends Yuri and Vlad who are experts at organ removal and transport, heck they'll even throw in the bath full of ice!

Hope this helps

Mat


 



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