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Love, life and the pursuit of a peni....
Billy_pilgrim Posted: Sun Jan 16 09:29:03 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Alright, alright excuse the vulgarities.

I'm curious

Neutrality is not an option in this one, and you are either living your current life as a single person or if you're married whatever you hypothetically had a spare life, or you had to live your current life over again differently.

Would you prefer

A. To be/marry/settle/whatever with someone who came from the same town as you growing up.
B. Someone from the same state/province/ minority group within a country as you.
C. Someone from the same country as a whole
D. Someone from a ancestral background or ethnic grouping as you elsewhere in the world (EG, Jews, Irish Catholics migrants, Sikhs etc)
E.Someone from the same continent
F. Someone from the rest of the world

And I'm talking relationships here and not flings n stuff, you might be influenced by the distance you and your partner might have from your respective families, your desire to seek the exotic, your desire to get away from your roots, just interested to know that's all.

It's a funny one i know, but as a man with a heritage who no longer feels like he has a country i've always wondered this.

I've been all over this planet and the more different people appear to be the more I discover they are the same.

Happy New year

(the other) BP


 
mat_j Posted: Mon Jan 17 08:04:21 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hia Big Willy style.

Happy new year to you too.

To answer your question: My name is Matilich Ramirez Sanchez, the world is my domain!

I'd like to think the world was not an object, language might be a problem but i'd be willing to make compromises should that be an issue.




 
sweet p Posted: Mon Jan 17 14:56:04 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  It honestly doesn't matter much to me, if I love the person.

But I have to say, there is something very lovely about meeting a person who quite closely shares your culture. I mean this in the sense of personal culture, like down to the very way you see and feel about your families, trees, how you write a letter, the way you walk down the street, socks, fruit...
It is incredibly special when you find this in a person from elsewhere [whether that be different religion, town, or country].

I don't know up to what kind of distance you are able to achieve a closeness like this.

Heh..I feel as though this post will only make sense to me.


 
addi Posted: Mon Jan 17 21:31:41 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  have to second P's first sentence.
If you love someone then it'll make the cultural differences seem like small potatoes.
Having said that I think that's not very common and the majority of the time you'll end up falling for someone that shares a similar upbringing (and values) as your own...along with the greater opportunity to meet someone living close by.
The separation between cultures is shrinking big time (not necessarily a good thing, but that's another topic).



 
ifihadahif Posted: Mon Jan 17 22:15:41 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>have to second P's first sentence.
>If you love someone then it'll make the cultural differences seem like small potatoes.
>Having said that I think that's not very common and the majority of the time you'll end up falling for someone that shares a similar upbringing (and values) as your own...along with the greater opportunity to meet someone living close by.
>The separation between cultures is shrinking big time (not necessarily a good thing, but that's another topic).
>
Interestingly enough, over 90% percent of single American service men who get stationed in England come back home with a wife. Don't know the explanation for this, but I know it to be true.


 
Puck Posted: Tue Jan 18 00:44:17 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Proximity and innate familiarity are great, but distance is irrelevant when compatibility demands it to be so. And the novelty of unfamiliarity can be just as appealing as similarity of kith.

addi said:
>The separation between cultures is shrinking big time (not necessarily a good thing, but that's another topic).

I say let cultures mix and evolve. Save the knowledge, but shed whatever is outdated. Otherwise we're social packrats.


 
choke Posted: Tue Jan 18 07:46:10 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  D. Same ancestral background etc.

This is hard because I could technically choose "rest of the world" and give myself the option of any of the options above it. So to generate conversation, probably D.

Okay so reasoning for not other countries. Same town/country has been the trend for partners my entire life, because I haven't spent much time in other countries, and every time I do it has a time limit, so obviously I'm not looking for relationships there. But this is a convenience thing, not a dislike thing.

My own town/country, probably the most comfortable, and possibly what I'll end up with, but my inclination is to avoid it as it will most likely mean I will settle in my country/town, get a job in a cafe, and spit out twelve babies.

Rest of the world, I'm assuming as this comes after ancestral/ethnic roots and NZ is ancestrally related to pretty much all of the UK and Ireland, that it means people from cultures rather different from my own. So the reason I don't pick this is because if I can't communicate with someone, I cannot kid myself that I think we should be in a relationship without admitting that said relationship is based on looks and perhaps novelty. Also there are cultural differences like levels of formality/expectations whatever that mean that you could find yourself experiencing a one person relationshiptional culture shock at some point. That said, I also agree that people are all the same and heaps of the barely worded conversations I have had here have gotten to a sweet level of depth and understanding, just because we all have the same motivations and humour, etc. Still. Culture shock, and I want to talk about books.

So, ethnic roots, I suppose. Enough of a change to keep me on my toes, not too much that I'm struggling to communicate.

Oh, and, not continent because AUSTRALIA







Just kidding :P



 
Puck Posted: Tue Jan 18 10:14:01 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>spit out twelve babies.
I KNEW that's how it worked, but everyone always denies it.

>relationshiptional
lol


 
breeze Posted: Wed Jan 19 18:37:43 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I personally would go for F, but at the end of the day it comes down to personal preferences and ability to tolerate unknown and uncomfortable. "Different" is often fun for short period of time (hence the travel flings), but to be in a long term relationship with someone very different requires a lot of work, patience and willingness to get out of one's comfort zone.

Guys from my own country/culture never did it for me personally, primarily because I come from the part of the world where male chauvinism is a norm and I always wanted to find someone with more similar world view, but who would also have an exotic touch.

I've been living in the US for the past 9 years now and dated guys from all kinds of cultural, religious, and ethnic backgrounds. What I discovered is what you said - people are different, but they are also the same.

Interracial/ Intercultural/ Interreligious relationships however do require a lot more flexibility, understanding and openness on both ends, just because you end up deciding on some things that more "homogeneous" couples often don't need to. What religious holidays do you celebrate? Where do you travel on vacations (if two families live on two different continents/countries)? Will someone learn other's person's language?
What religion/language will kids learn? It can get very messy at times and ability to be open or to find a compromise to be able to celebrate the differences instead of suppressing them, making it more "comfortable", is crucial. I also think it is important to have something in common that would serve as a foundation on which to built the relationship on, and that something could be the "personal culture" Sweet P talked about or maybe some shared hobbies or experiences. Otherwise it is like building a house on an uneven foundation - it will eventually come down due to frustrations on both ends.


 
addi Posted: Fri Jan 21 07:52:12 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  breeze said:
>Otherwise it is like building a house on an uneven foundation - it will eventually come down due to frustrations on both ends.

Wise words


 
kurohyou Posted: Tue Jan 25 18:29:44 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I would choose F. though Breeze is definitely right in that there are a number of challenges to this kind of relationship. To make this relationship work, it would seem that both parties would need to be like water in a river, overcoming, passing, or going through obstacles along the way but staying united in the same stream the whole time. This is not always easy to accomplish.

My experience around the world has been limited, which, at the point of life I'm in now, I see as a deficit in my psyche. While I may have some wisdom and intelligence, I have come to see it is tempered and stilted due to my lack of direct knowledge as to how the rest of the world lives. I spent three years living and working with people who are like ostriches in snowglobes, sticking their heads in the snow drifts of their winter wonderland in an effort to escape the real world which goes on outside their winter wonderland.

For me, I have become addicted to things which are outside my comfort zone in recent years. While a relationship in the catagory of F, which I'm currently in, is scary in a lot of ways. Its also exhilerating enough to be worth the discomfort it brings. And the value I have derived from it far exceeds anything I imagined in terms of how I view the world and how I'm learning to view it through her eyes. My biggest challenge is not to be the "ignorant American" to all her friends and family.

The merging of two cultural lives is not the easiest thing in the world to do, but I do think, if done successfully, you end up with something far richer and more interesting than you would have had otherwise.

Ultimately though it comes down to personal preference and comfort zones. Some people are comfortable with the uncomfortable. Some people aren't. So to each their own. Even two people from similar backgrounds, towns or countries will enrich each other's lives if they see each as a unique individual regardless of their backgrounds.

But yes, as you pointed out. Ultimately we are all human. As Seal says "We're mere human beings"

For what it's worth...



 
kurohyou Posted: Tue Jan 25 18:32:14 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  breeze said:
>I personally would go for F, but at the end of the day it comes down to personal preferences and ability to tolerate unknown and uncomfortable. "Different" is often fun for short period of time (hence the travel flings), but to be in a long term relationship with someone very different requires a lot of work, patience and willingness to get out of one's comfort zone.



>Guys from my own country/culture never did it for me personally, primarily because I come from the part of the world where male chauvinism is a norm and I always wanted to find someone with more similar world view, but who would also have an exotic touch.



>I've been living in the US for the past 9 years now and dated guys from all kinds of cultural, religious, and ethnic backgrounds. What I discovered is what you said - people are different, but they are also the same.



>Interracial/ Intercultural/ Interreligious relationships however do require a lot more flexibility, understanding and openness on both ends, just because you end up deciding on some things that more "homogeneous" couples often don't need to. What religious holidays do you celebrate? Where do you travel on vacations (if two families live on two different continents/countries)? Will someone learn other's person's language?
>What religion/language will kids learn? It can get very messy at times and ability to be open or to find a compromise to be able to celebrate the differences instead of suppressing them, making it more "comfortable", is crucial. I also think it is important to have something in common that would serve as a foundation on which to built the relationship on, and that something could be the "personal culture" Sweet P talked about or maybe some shared hobbies or experiences. Otherwise it is like building a house on an uneven foundation - it will eventually come down due to frustrations on both ends.

I agree with everything you said. Didn't know it was yo at first, with that Natalie Portman Avatar. Is there a story behind the avatar?


 
choke Posted: Wed Jan 26 09:09:44 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ohh wait by rest of the world do you mean they would still hypothetically speak the same language?


 
kurohyou Posted: Thu Jan 27 01:52:55 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Ohh wait by rest of the world do you mean they would still hypothetically speak the same language?

You would def need to have a way to communicate other than grunts, non verbals and picture books. The young lady I'm currently seeing speaks 5 languages, lucky for me one of them happens to be the language I speak.

I only speak one language since very few places recognize the brilliance that is Pig-latin. If they did then I'd be up to two. I have a Klingon Dictionary from my Star Trek Freak days. But never became fluent.

For what it's worth...


 
choke Posted: Thu Jan 27 04:11:56 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Ah. World, then. I was putting language under D - culture etc


 
sharonbaker Posted: Mon Jan 31 00:45:35 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hello,

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addi Posted: Mon Jan 31 09:51:35 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  it's settled then.
the correct answer is G: to have a plentiful supply of generic low cost Viagra around, preferably placed around the house in handy decorative dishes, so that when you entertain there's always a handful of those little blue candies at arm's length.


 
breeze Posted: Mon Jan 31 10:07:03 2011 Post | Quote in Reply  
  kurohyou said:
>I agree with everything you said. Didn't know it was yo at first, with that Natalie Portman Avatar. Is there a story behind the avatar?

Not really :) Just got tired of my old picture, I just finished watching trailer for "Black Swan" so her name was the first thing that popped into my head


 



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