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Used to come to this place a lot.
loststark105 Posted: Tue Aug 30 03:10:29 2016 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I used to come to this place a lot when I was younger. Around the time I graduated high school, I'd get on really late at night and just poke around and read, but didn't know there was forums.
I'm...in a really dark place mentally. I'm really only posting on here because it came to mind out of the blue.
I'm manic depressive and going through an episode. There's so much things about my life that I have fucked up within the last year. I am stained with guilt and regrets.
I keep getting suicidal and just don't really have anyone to talk to.
But I hope everyone that posted on this place is doing well.
It's a late night and I'm on here for the first time in ages. Just...reaching out in the darkness.
I feel like emotions are a new language to me. Because I can finally describe being sad.


 
Mesh Posted: Wed Aug 31 00:20:14 2016 Post | Quote in Reply  
  loststark105 said:
>I used to come to this place a lot when I was younger.

Me too.


>I'm...in a really dark place mentally. I'm really only posting on here because it came to mind out of the blue.
>I'm manic depressive and going through an episode. There's so much things about my life that I have fucked up within the last year. I am stained with guilt and regrets.

I've struggled with mental illness for a very long time. I know that hell all too well. I don't know your situation, what you've fucked up, and why you feel so guilty. But I can tell you, I've done a lot of bad things, hurt people, hurt myself, squandered opourtunity and made one bad decision after another. Not saying that to make this about me, but to illustrate that I am a deeply flawed man with a lifetime of regrettable things behind me, so that you believe me when I say, dude or dudette, you have got to forgive yourself. It is not easy. But you have to. Everyone deserves compassion and understanding and you need to realize that that includes yourself. Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself. You can alter the direction of your life and change, but not as long as you carry guilt and regret. You have two options, forgive yourself and move forward with positive steps...or don't. I didn't, for a long time, and my negativity only became self-reinforcing and wallowed in darkness for longer than I even knew.



>I keep getting suicidal and just don't really have anyone to talk to.

Please consider seeing a counselor. One of the best decisions I've made was accepting I needed help because I couldn't do it on my own. At the very least, if you're feeling suicidal, call a hotline. I understand how dark life can get and feel, I know what it's like to just...not want to exist. But depression, low self-esteem, guilt, these things blind you to the good and beauty that also exists and makes life a worthwhile experience. Sunsets, flowers blooming, birds chirping, pizza, good music, funny jokes, beautiful people, art, cinnamon rolls...you may have different tastes but I bet there are things out there you enjoy, or at least used to, even if you've forgotten how to find the joy. You can find it again.


>But I hope everyone that posted on this place is doing well.

I hope so too!

>It's a late night and I'm on here for the first time in ages. Just...reaching out in the darkness.

I'm glad you did. I posted on here for the first time in what felt like forever a couple weeks ago, so I've been checking back every night hoping one of the old timers has checked in and posted soemthing. Glad it lead me to see your post, I've gone many months without checking this place before. Reach out to people in the real world, too. Don't suffer in silence.


>I feel like emotions are a new language to me. Because I can finally describe being sad.

Sounds like a good development.


Peace to you, lostark. I hope you can find it in your heart to show yourself the compassion you deserve.


 
misszero Posted: Sat Oct 15 11:34:08 2016 Post | Quote in Reply  
  What Mesh said!

Please try and practice some self-love and self-care, at a minimum, and see a doctor or therapist if you need to. I put off talking about my post-natal depression for nearly a year, and things were really rough there for awhile. Now I'm (mostly) happily medicated, and have started seeing the joy in things again (like sunsets and pizza).




 
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