29 Oct 2002
I admit that like most people, I've my share of problems of finding the One. I still haven't found her yet, or so I believed for the past two years, but it didn't work out so there.
In fact, I half believe my throwaway line, "Sure, I believe there's one perfect person for everyone. Mine just happened to die in a tragic plane crash when she was nine, so we never met."
Perhaps I am a bit cynical - or as my friends put it, I'm taking cynicism to a new level of unheard of bitterness. But looking at my luck with women, especially the last relationship, it begins to take a toll on one's hopes.
I met a lot of women in my life. I've even fallen in love a couple of times, and each time it was sweet, beautiful and intense - and very, very painful when it came to an end. That's the way life is; the pleasure is balanced out by the pain. And I've pretty good times in my life, which means my rough spots are kick-in-your-nuts times too.
But that special someone still hasn't appeared. Every time I thought she did, but life as usual gives me a good reality check. I don't know, call me a foolish dreamer, a hopeless romantic or an idealist, but I'm still holding out for her, despite my cynicism.
I still look for her in crowded rooms, or in a bright pair of bright eyes and a fresh smile that I've never seen before. And wishing and hoping too much sometimes wears this tired person out. I've been searching the Internet for a nice Buddhist monastery as a future career option.
Then again, another part of me, the one that commits Shakespearean sonnets to heart and plays sad simple songs on my IMac on quiet nights, the part of me that keeps looking at the way couples especially old couples stare at each other when they walk past me holding hands. That part of me wants that too. Wants to look for it. Thinks maybe I'll find it.
Where is the woman who'll, as Tom Cruise said, "completes me…"
I don't know. Maybe in Singapore. Maybe in my country of birth, Malaysia. Maybe in Perth, even in the tribes of the Amazon. She could be anywhere, even in the flat one floor down, and I'd never know it until I meet her, and the love hits me like a sack of hammers dropped from the eleventh storey.
Who is she? Don't know. What's she like? Now here, I have some specifics. Like most people, it's important to me that there's a certain amount of physical attractiveness. I can't lie about that. I'm not the jerk-off that says that the physicals aren't important.
But, I said BUT, anyone can say, "she's attractive". But when you get to know her, find out what she's afraid of, what makes her laugh and cry, what drives her to succeed or what heart-aching moment shattered her confidence forever… when you begin to know and understand someone, they stop being ATTRACTIVE and become BEAUTIFUL.
So for me, a person's appearance isn't really important. Ask my good friend, Harry. He says I have pretty weird tastes. I have my prejudices; certain body types, certain colors, but these are strictly visual cues, and don't really dictate how my heart works. Though, for the record, I like girls with small eyes and a bright smile. Are you paying attention, Sandy Lam?
She - this Ideal woman - is enormously intelligent, in a lively way. By that I don't mean she must possess a PH.D in Quantum Physics or a photographic memory and can quote verbatim of John Milton. I mean she's quick. She's read a lot, she knows a lot, and she's hungry to use her knowledge, impart it and learn more. Her brain would be a pretty active place, which would be great for me, because I believe communication is the basis of a solid relationship, and what better way to communicate than to teach each other?
I find a woman who can learn and teach to be exciting; not only do I benefit from being exposed to new ideas and concepts that help me develop as a person, but I get to watch as I enlighten another human being on things that perhaps she didn't know about.
Which brings me to another important quality. Growth. I don't want her to stay exactly the same somebody I fell in love with. I'd like her to be dynamic, constantly adding to herself, so that with the passing of each day, a slightly newer, better person stands before me.
In my ideal relationship, we'd work on each other to grow, develop and remain dynamic. Why should young kids have all the fun of discovering the world? Just because we're adults doesn't mean there's nothing out there for us. And we have the advantage of age, experience, and knowing just how valuable each moment is. We'd solve problems by sharing and talking and compromising rather than spite, arguing and shouting.
Perhaps I'm aiming too high. Perhaps I've set myself up for disappointment and there's no one out there like this. Or - even more horrible - no one like this will be interested in me.
But I know love is real. I've seen it, felt it.
And if I could meet someone like the intelligent, dynamic woman I have in my head, she'd be the most beautiful person in the world to me, and I would be proud to massage her feet and her body at the end of a hard day of work, and ask her how her day was like while I make her some tea in preparation for night of cuddling and snuggling up while we watch the sunset.
Oh Come On now… a guy can dream, can't he?