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  • I love Driving
    17 Dec 2003

    i went for a drive. a long drive the other day.
    some jazz playing on the stereo.
    it has always been a habit since i've gotten my drivers license a couple of years back.
    jazz and driving.
    a lot of people don't know that i listen to jazz. but it has always been my chill out choice.
    there's something about it i just can't explain.
    like the way i feel when i drive with the window down, with the wind in my face.
    i know it sounds dangerous. but i love to close my eyes and let the wind blow in my face when i drive.
    (of course i'll do that when there's no cars for miles around and i'll take a straight road. i'm crazy not stupid)

    it is closest i can get to flying.

    back when i was in perth, it has always been my nightly ritual.
    my noctural drives.

    it's my little santuary. my little confession room. my little theraphy. i don't know how to say it. but it calms me down. it makes my walk with a little bounce everytime.

    i remember when i first broke up with my ex in australia sometime back.

    nothing really helped. not alcohol, no amount of painkillers, nothing helped.

    i held everything in me.
    all my pain. all my disappointment. all my tears. all my anger. everything. a mix of all my heartache...
    everything i bottled it in.

    people said i changed overnight.

    i stopped being happy. being simple. being the guy that walks in with a loud and booming "yo wassup?"

    i was a shadow of my former self back then.

    then one day, i decided to go out for a drive.
    maybe to get some smokes around the corner.
    i got the smokes and decided to drive up to the beach.
    when i got to the beach i decided to take a coastal drive. so i drove.
    i drove for the next 6 hours. and found myself far away from where i started. i decided to stay there for a couple of days.
    i spent the next few days driving around the coast. surfing.
    staring at the waves. and at night staring at the stars while lying on the roof of my car...

    one night when i was driving on the freeway from one beach to the other. this song was playing on my stereo. the pain got so bad that i broke down and cried and screamed....

    i let go. i let go of all the pain i suppressed inside.
    there was noone but me for miles i stopped in the middle of nowhere on the freeway.

    got out from my car and screamed and howled.
    howled for the death of my heart.
    howled for the death of my soul then.

    i felt so much better after that. i looked at the heavens and told myself, my heart and soul died. and now a new heart and soul will arise from the dead.

    i got in the car and drove off to the next beach to watch the sunrise and catch the morning wave.
    so whenever i have a bad day, or when my mates have a rough time, we'd go driving.

    i stopped using word to console myself or other people.
    i leave it to the car, the night and the wind to help me say the words i can't say to help my friends feel better.

    i love driving.