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  • a mostly harmless rant
    Josh Groeneveld
    19 Oct 2002

    Dude i am sick of this
    man why do we bother with all this drama anyways ??? i mean lets just go and have fun. you know, i think that it would do everybody a world of good if we just acted like compleat idiots for a while, and stop taking ourselves so seriously, maybe then we will stop this cycle of breaking and healing. i donno man, honestly dude, lets just move on, lets forgive those that have hurt us and you know the people that we hurt ? we just hope that they forgive us too. lets just forget all this drama and heartache and go and have fun, who cares if its shallow, it beats the heck out of anything else. i mean lets go and meet new people, lets do things that scare us out of our mindes, you know, lets just have fun, i mean it man, i am so broken when i walk you can hear the peices rattle around, but i dont care. i donno, i am going to ignore whats inside for a little while and just enjoy my life. i mean i am nineteen years old i got a couple of decades ahead of me, my life has hardly started, there will be a time for being sad but its not going to be right now goddamnit. i mean all these stupid people all around us ... they can worry about everything else ... just give be some green grass and maybe a beer, and maybe some friends to talk too and im onna be happy, thats eternal happyness man, we spend all this time looking for something greater but the greatest thing out there is the gift we got called life. lets just live it. i mean we can live a million lifetimes and not see all that there is going to see, but i am sure going to try. i mean it man, lets shit or get off the pot. you hide behind your car and your job and i hide behind my work and my family but how hard is it to quit ??? how hard is it to find somebody to take over a lease ?? my family wants me out of the house. i mean it man, we are so scared of living. why ???? why are we scared of strangers, the dark, new foods, new places, why ????? i know where i am going so bring em on, give me all the strangers i can handle i am going to find out what makes every last one of them tick, the world is so much prettyer when its dark out, there is nothing that can hurt me, cuz i am invinceible. fuck eating from mcdonalds, i am going to go to places where i cant even read the menu and just point. i am tired of seeing the same houses and the same streets every stinkin day, so why dont i just up and leave. my friends leave me, so what man, there is six billion people out there and i am sure i can make friends with everyone of them, my friends were going to leave me anyways. maybe i wanted to leave them it doesnt matter, now i can do whatever in the hell i want tooo and nobody is going to stop me. i am going to listen to what kind o music i wanna listen too, i am going to say want i wanna say, i am going to live how I wanna live. not what some stupid tv says, or what my stupid friends say. I am going to smoke cuz i wanna, i am going to drink cuz i wanna, screaw all the consiquinces i am going to die anyways. at least i am not afraid. i mean fuck it..... alll of it, our society spends half the time saying that if we consume more we are going to be happy and the other half making us feel fat. thats all worthless. we arent ever going to be perfect, we are all going to make mistakes, but come on, living in a box to stop from making them is the greatest travisty we can commit. i mean, i am not saying hey lets kill people cuz it feels good, im saying on my death bed i am not going to regret anything. every mistake i made was my fault and my fault alone, i am not going to wait around and wait for it to fix itself. i am going to take responcibity and move on. who give a flying fuck. sure beats sitting around waiting for something to happen. what our problem is that we spend so much time waiting for somebody to save us we dont save ourselves. on our own we are never going to get to heaven, Gods going to do that, in fact he already has, but we get lazy and we live sad and alone waiting for somebody else to save us. God spoiled us as far as that goes. sure life is tedious but thats something thats pretty easy to fix. and we can fix it ourselves. i mean it, i never am the one phoneing people, i wait for them to phone me and when it doesnt happen i am bummed out. enough of that, i dont wanna live that way anymore. i wanna be the one doing the resuing, i wanna be the one entertaining, i am not making people dependant on me, i am just living. on my own terms. i just follow Gods cuz i trust him not to lead me astray and in my nineteen years on this planet he hasnt. i mean it. you know that feeling you get ... when you frist strike a chord, or when your board cuts into the hard pack, or when you dive into a pool for the first time, or the very first kiss, or the second thousandth kiss, you know that feeling ???? that rush, that urge to do something compleatly unexpected just for the joy of it ??? i want that all the time, enough of this crying my self to sleep and drinking my self blind, enough of waking up in the morning and wanting to quit before my feet hit the floor, enought of this pretending to be somebody else so people will love me, enough of sadness, enough of sorrow, enough of sadness. bad things happen, mistakes are made, and there is a time to be sad but its not going to last, life is going to keep going. I say lets just dive in, lets laugh and cry and never give up hope because we are going to be sad. lets live our lives like a dog with its head out its window. I mean i know enough about life that I should be sad, but i am not going to be, i am not afraid, and if i am afraid of something, i am going to do it anyways, just because i know that whatever it is that might hurt me on the other side is so much better than sitting on the can pretending i am living life to its fullest. it beats wishing i was somebody fearless

    A letter i wrote to a buddy going through some hard times. maybe you will get something out of it