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Stuck
persephone
9 Jul 2003
High School has ended and I am now starting to think of all the things that could have happened in those four years. They didn't happen though and now I'm here in the boredom of summer, wishing that maybe, maybe I could go back and create memories to visit now when that's all I have left.
I can't go back though, and going forward is frightening so I think I'll just stay put for now. Not meeting that boy in the middle of the night at the park down the street. Not driving out to the bookstore to spend a hundred dollars on books that won't be read this summer. Not trying to buy some new CD's instead of adopting the musical tastes of others.
I know this is all bad. I should have gone to meet him, but he wasn't right for me...I should try a new book, but the old ones are so comforting...I should listen to music more, but finding something I like is confusing-what's the difference between something you like and something that's routine?
Does everyone feel so as stuck in one place as I do? Is anyone living the life they truly at every moment, want to live? What is that perfect job? That perfect house and those perfect people to live with? Let me know...
I think I need something new to shock me into doing something more. I need to meet a new person, write a new story, find the perfect new book and the perfect sunny hill to read it on.
im not really this pessimistic
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