Fear and Rage
Love and Dreams
19 Mar 2002
What is a promise of love? And how do you keep it?
I have been pondering over this question for a few weeks now, but have not been able to come to a proper conclusion. And it is nagging at the back of my head, refusing to let up.
A promise of love is, in it's very essence, an oxymoron. It is a lie - the biggest, most vicious lie one could ever tell.
"I'll always love you...".
"I'll never leave you..."
"You'll always be the only one that I love..."
All the things we whisper and share when we are in our relationships, all the promises that we make, hold true only while we are in love. As we fall helplessly into love, we, too, fall helplessly out of it. It is a feeling beyond our control. These promises are beautiful, but the moment the love dies, they shatter into a thousand glass shards. Hurting. Wounding. Killing.
And no matter how hard we might want to keep them, they now count for naught. In fact, keeping a promise of love that has died is a even greater sin.
Now. How do you stop yourself from making promises when you're in love? I don't know either.
So. If someone makes you a promise, listen and smile, for they have the power to make you happy and glow with warmth. But always remember:
One of the most dangerous things you can ask for when it comes to love, is a warranty card.
Make only the promises you can keep.
Chinese singer Faye Wong sings in one of her ethereal laments:
Who does not want me, I do not want
Who does not love me, I do not love
When I turn off the light
All the shadows will cease to exist
Today. I bought Alanis' new album and watched Mel Gibson's new movie.
It had rained earlier and the night air was cool and balmy. I took a long walk, shaded from the drizzle by the giant orange-leaved angsana trees that lined both sides of the roads. I used to travel this way many years back while I was in the army.
After my dinner at McDonald's, hands in my pockets, I walked home.
It's been a long time since I saw the moon.